Tweet
I would like some advice on what is happening between my boyfriend, and I. Well it might be my ex-boyfriend, but we are still talking. He says he still loves me and if I had given him what he wanted, we would still be together today, and if I worked harder to make him happy, he would still be with me. I will try to make it as simple as I can.
I decided I was tired of working. I got a little money and got a camper. I lived at Walmart, or other places, as I travelled. I meditated, and did yoga. I had a very simple life, and lived simple. While I living this way, my boyfriend and I met on the Internet in a social group, and we talked for many years. But during that time, we fell out of contact for about a year, and in that time I met another man. That man came to see me, and at the time I had not had sex for 10 years. For some reason, this man and I had a very active sex life for a short time, about six weeks. He left me, and then I got depressed for quite a few months.
After I got over the depression, the other man came back into my life. He decided to some see me, he said he was in love with me, and told his wife he was going on vacation. He left his wife and 5 children, and came to see me for a week. I had made the mistake of telling this man, about the other man and how much sex we had. When he came, we had sex, but it was not the same as the other man. I do not know why, maybe the depression changed my desire, but it was different than he expected.
Almost right away, the man said he expected sex every day, and that is how he experienced his love for me. He said, that if he did not have sex daily, preferred, he might become depressed, leave me, and cheat on me. He said that a healthy sex life meant I loved him, and that daily was best, and the way to make sure I keep him, is to make sure every night we have sex, or at least snuggle and kiss for 10 minutes, things like this. He said he knows his nature, and was warning me.
It did not take long, and it seemed almost every night he was begging for sex. I am thinking, I had a simple life before, and just liked to meditate and stuff, and sometimes I was tired. I was born with a heart murmur and did not want to be stressed in this relationship, so there was health implication as well to the sex if it was too strenuous.
He went back to his wife, but then came a second time. This time he came for good, except a few weeks back to see his children now and then, and started to pay for the bills, and expenses. I usually did not travel very far, but we started to travel, and he supported me and paid for everything. We did this for three years until recently, and almost every night we fought over sex. He used to say, why did you give this other man all that sex, and not me. How come you did not treat me fair, I pay for everything, and you are not giving me the sex like him. Maybe you do not find me handsome here, said, and started to accuse me of lying to him.
One time I actually had to spend the night in the hospital, from a issue related to my heart, and it did not stop, a few days later he was fighting again. And this was two years ago, and I still stayed with him, cause I felt I loved him, and that he might need less sex, or maybe I would be like before and want more sex. I was hopeful, but I did get stressed and used to holler over simple things.
So here is the situation. A month ago, he had to go home to pack up his parents house, who had died. I was going to go, but I got scared at last minute to go all the way to where he was from, because we fought all the time, so he flew home alone. And when he got there he wrote me messages telling me he loved me and things like this, and how much I meant to him.
See my health has really gone down hill since all this fighting. I really have bad blood pressure issues now, and irregular heartbeat, and now the murmer. I was literally scared to travel with him because of all the stress. Another thing is I called my dad for advice, and my dad said he is hurting my health, and when I told him what my dad said, he got very mad, Great, now he said, I know who NOT to be in a relationship with. So it should have been a clue he was seeking another lover.
So a few nights after his arrived, I go to call him, and there is no answer on his cell phone. We used to be in constant contact for 3 years because we did not work outside relationship, and I felt something was wrong. I was worried he had an accident or something, so I kept calling for 5 hours, and I finally I reached him.
At first he said he forgot the phone at his mothers place, and went to get some food and could not find the phone. I felt it was a lie, and then I pushed for truth, and then I found out that he went to see a old girlfriend, and her parents, from when he was 15. He said it was innocent. But many weeks later, I found out that even though he went there and parents was there, he went to a meal with her and then a walk in the park to talk about old times. I even learned eventually that he had a box of love letters from her from years ago, that he has kept hidden, and this was a old love he never told me about.
Then I learned that, this girl was on his facebook. I saw a new person a month earlier added to his facebook and had asked him about her. He said, oh she is not important, some girl from high school, and she looked him up. I eventually learned that it was him that looked her up, not the other way around. And then I learned he did not lose his cell phone, he left it in the car on purpose and knew full well I was trying to reach him, and he did not return my calls cause she was in the car. He said I was embarrassed of me, and that I might yell on the phone in front of her and parents if I learned the truth, and he just wanted to see old friend innocently. This is sort of true, because in previous 2 years, I had become a very unhappy person, with all the stress and the hospital, so I can see that he was afraid of how I would react and yell, but he had lied about even going there.
I asked him, what is your intention with this woman, and he said he did not know and is confused. So we fought and I broke up with him. The next morning he wrote and apologized, and said sorry and how much he loved me. So we started to talk, but an hour later he wrote me, and said this girl invited him to her and her parents place for supper, because they knew he was having alot of issues in packing the house, and needed a good home cooked meal. I said, no way, you lied, and I do not trust this, and he said, it is none of your business you broke up with me, and I am going anyway. I knew I had given him the excuse to go, and could not stop it, so I just went to bed and cried.
So then he hardly returned any calls for 4 days. He said I was harassing his life, and that it has to stop. He said he is putting me on time out. I had no idea what was going on. A long time later I learned he brought her to his parents house and had sex, ALOT OF SEX that he could not have with me, with her on the parents bed. He said how good she was to have sex with. He spent the whole time with her and hid her from me. He returned maybe one message a day to string me along, and stuff and then he had to go back to another city, where his children live, and then he contacted me after he left.
The thing that really kind of concerns me, is this girl had an aneurysm, and is now very dependent on living with her parents who are aging. I think this person might have issues that are not revealed, and that this is very dangerous for them. They do not know he is talking to me romantically and I said this is wrong. He sends me erotic images and stuff to do with sex.
So then he starts to talk to me that day after his return to city with children, and I learn now he had sex with her, and stuff, and he said he would not have had to do this, if I had worked harder to please him and make him more secure. I said I loved him, and I can share him for a while, because I am pretty open minded. So we flirted a little on the phone and then he had to go back and finish the parents house.
When he went back, he did not stay at the parents house, he stayed at her house. The parents went away for some reason, and he stayed with her, and there was ALOT MORE SEX. And they got along really well, and he seemed very happy with her.
So, after a week, he is almost done the parents house, and had to return to the other city we last spoke when we flirted. He in fact calls me many hours every day since he left her house, and says he loved me. But he blames me alot for me making him do this, with her, and not giving him the sex so he can be with me. He said I ruined the relationship and made him lie and cheat on me, and how my rejection of his advances for sex has hurt him lots, and how he cannot get what I did with this other man. And I should say, this other man was constantly threw in my face for 3 years, ever few days, of how he never got what this other man got for sex.
He has not seen her since, but he has bought a new house there in his old home town a few miles from her! He was quite proud of telling me, he did this alone without me, He said he needs the space, and he is not breaking up with her, and that he is happy with her, but I am his rock, and support and loves me too, and wants to see both of us. So almost every day we speak on phone many times, he sends me many nice photos, and even sent me a new phone to use internet and talk to him,
He left me some money but that is almost gone. When he returned the second time, we fought, and I said this is unfair, you need to give me a few weeks money to help, cause I did not plan for this. When he left we had a car now he bought, and the camper he invested in, and another truck to carry the camper in the future. And he left all his things and I need to pack this stuff up and ship to him, and sell the car and the truck, and try to get enough money to live. It is alot to deal with for me not being a healthy person
And to make matters worse, before this we bought a house in the other city where his children are, I was helping him fix up this house. I worked by his side for 8 months on this house, which is in his name only, and he is very upset because he says I am responsible to go help him repair the house, cause he bought it thinking I would be helping him do it. So now I am no longer able to go to the house, and he said he will not give me permission to go, cause he is not sure if he wants me there. So I basically wasted 8 months of my life working on the house with him,
So today I said, look, you cannot buy this house, if you want to be with me. You want alot of sex, and you are a few miles from this girls house. Even if you broke up with her, I would never sleep well when you are there and me here, cause I would be thinking you are lying again and sneaking her in to have sex with and not telling me. I also said, why do you need to be there without me, we were working on a house to be together in another city, why not work on that house?
So I said, first you need to decide me or her. And then I said, I will NEVER CALL YOU OR SPEAK TO YOU when you are there at that city with this new house. And I said, I WILL NOT VISIT cause it hurts my feelings that in ONLY ONE WEEK, you spent so much time with her, instead of your parents house like you went for, and you bought this new house without thinking of me.
So do you all agree, that this person is very bad for me? I do not have much, and now I might have to go to work again until I get out of this, cause before I did not need money, now I have many bills. And you know what, he also blames me for me not inspiring him to marry me, and that he wanted to be married. He blames me for that too. I said how could I want to be married to a person so unhappy with my level of sex drive?
Is this not reasonable, that he not buy this house, so he does not need to go to this home town, if he wants me like he said? If I am so much support for him, and he loves me so much, how come he is not happy with me? Does it also not make sense, that he should drop her as well if he wants me so much? I just cannot believe that I am in this kind of relationship, I was a very loving person. I know I lost my temper and yelled all the time, from frustration, but I do not feel I deserve this for sure. And the lying, how could I ever gain trust again with him. Even though it has only been a few weeks he ever lied to me it seems, it really hurt.
He just keeps repeating, that if I had given him all the sex, he needed, he would not have left, cause he felt insulted and incomplete that I had less sex with him than the other guy.
All opinions appreciated. Thanks.
I decided I was tired of working. I got a little money and got a camper. I lived at Walmart, or other places, as I travelled. I meditated, and did yoga. I had a very simple life, and lived simple. While I living this way, my boyfriend and I met on the Internet in a social group, and we talked for many years. But during that time, we fell out of contact for about a year, and in that time I met another man. That man came to see me, and at the time I had not had sex for 10 years. For some reason, this man and I had a very active sex life for a short time, about six weeks. He left me, and then I got depressed for quite a few months.
After I got over the depression, the other man came back into my life. He decided to some see me, he said he was in love with me, and told his wife he was going on vacation. He left his wife and 5 children, and came to see me for a week. I had made the mistake of telling this man, about the other man and how much sex we had. When he came, we had sex, but it was not the same as the other man. I do not know why, maybe the depression changed my desire, but it was different than he expected.
Almost right away, the man said he expected sex every day, and that is how he experienced his love for me. He said, that if he did not have sex daily, preferred, he might become depressed, leave me, and cheat on me. He said that a healthy sex life meant I loved him, and that daily was best, and the way to make sure I keep him, is to make sure every night we have sex, or at least snuggle and kiss for 10 minutes, things like this. He said he knows his nature, and was warning me.
It did not take long, and it seemed almost every night he was begging for sex. I am thinking, I had a simple life before, and just liked to meditate and stuff, and sometimes I was tired. I was born with a heart murmur and did not want to be stressed in this relationship, so there was health implication as well to the sex if it was too strenuous.
He went back to his wife, but then came a second time. This time he came for good, except a few weeks back to see his children now and then, and started to pay for the bills, and expenses. I usually did not travel very far, but we started to travel, and he supported me and paid for everything. We did this for three years until recently, and almost every night we fought over sex. He used to say, why did you give this other man all that sex, and not me. How come you did not treat me fair, I pay for everything, and you are not giving me the sex like him. Maybe you do not find me handsome here, said, and started to accuse me of lying to him.
One time I actually had to spend the night in the hospital, from a issue related to my heart, and it did not stop, a few days later he was fighting again. And this was two years ago, and I still stayed with him, cause I felt I loved him, and that he might need less sex, or maybe I would be like before and want more sex. I was hopeful, but I did get stressed and used to holler over simple things.
So here is the situation. A month ago, he had to go home to pack up his parents house, who had died. I was going to go, but I got scared at last minute to go all the way to where he was from, because we fought all the time, so he flew home alone. And when he got there he wrote me messages telling me he loved me and things like this, and how much I meant to him.
See my health has really gone down hill since all this fighting. I really have bad blood pressure issues now, and irregular heartbeat, and now the murmer. I was literally scared to travel with him because of all the stress. Another thing is I called my dad for advice, and my dad said he is hurting my health, and when I told him what my dad said, he got very mad, Great, now he said, I know who NOT to be in a relationship with. So it should have been a clue he was seeking another lover.
So a few nights after his arrived, I go to call him, and there is no answer on his cell phone. We used to be in constant contact for 3 years because we did not work outside relationship, and I felt something was wrong. I was worried he had an accident or something, so I kept calling for 5 hours, and I finally I reached him.
At first he said he forgot the phone at his mothers place, and went to get some food and could not find the phone. I felt it was a lie, and then I pushed for truth, and then I found out that he went to see a old girlfriend, and her parents, from when he was 15. He said it was innocent. But many weeks later, I found out that even though he went there and parents was there, he went to a meal with her and then a walk in the park to talk about old times. I even learned eventually that he had a box of love letters from her from years ago, that he has kept hidden, and this was a old love he never told me about.
Then I learned that, this girl was on his facebook. I saw a new person a month earlier added to his facebook and had asked him about her. He said, oh she is not important, some girl from high school, and she looked him up. I eventually learned that it was him that looked her up, not the other way around. And then I learned he did not lose his cell phone, he left it in the car on purpose and knew full well I was trying to reach him, and he did not return my calls cause she was in the car. He said I was embarrassed of me, and that I might yell on the phone in front of her and parents if I learned the truth, and he just wanted to see old friend innocently. This is sort of true, because in previous 2 years, I had become a very unhappy person, with all the stress and the hospital, so I can see that he was afraid of how I would react and yell, but he had lied about even going there.
I asked him, what is your intention with this woman, and he said he did not know and is confused. So we fought and I broke up with him. The next morning he wrote and apologized, and said sorry and how much he loved me. So we started to talk, but an hour later he wrote me, and said this girl invited him to her and her parents place for supper, because they knew he was having alot of issues in packing the house, and needed a good home cooked meal. I said, no way, you lied, and I do not trust this, and he said, it is none of your business you broke up with me, and I am going anyway. I knew I had given him the excuse to go, and could not stop it, so I just went to bed and cried.
So then he hardly returned any calls for 4 days. He said I was harassing his life, and that it has to stop. He said he is putting me on time out. I had no idea what was going on. A long time later I learned he brought her to his parents house and had sex, ALOT OF SEX that he could not have with me, with her on the parents bed. He said how good she was to have sex with. He spent the whole time with her and hid her from me. He returned maybe one message a day to string me along, and stuff and then he had to go back to another city, where his children live, and then he contacted me after he left.
The thing that really kind of concerns me, is this girl had an aneurysm, and is now very dependent on living with her parents who are aging. I think this person might have issues that are not revealed, and that this is very dangerous for them. They do not know he is talking to me romantically and I said this is wrong. He sends me erotic images and stuff to do with sex.
So then he starts to talk to me that day after his return to city with children, and I learn now he had sex with her, and stuff, and he said he would not have had to do this, if I had worked harder to please him and make him more secure. I said I loved him, and I can share him for a while, because I am pretty open minded. So we flirted a little on the phone and then he had to go back and finish the parents house.
When he went back, he did not stay at the parents house, he stayed at her house. The parents went away for some reason, and he stayed with her, and there was ALOT MORE SEX. And they got along really well, and he seemed very happy with her.
So, after a week, he is almost done the parents house, and had to return to the other city we last spoke when we flirted. He in fact calls me many hours every day since he left her house, and says he loved me. But he blames me alot for me making him do this, with her, and not giving him the sex so he can be with me. He said I ruined the relationship and made him lie and cheat on me, and how my rejection of his advances for sex has hurt him lots, and how he cannot get what I did with this other man. And I should say, this other man was constantly threw in my face for 3 years, ever few days, of how he never got what this other man got for sex.
He has not seen her since, but he has bought a new house there in his old home town a few miles from her! He was quite proud of telling me, he did this alone without me, He said he needs the space, and he is not breaking up with her, and that he is happy with her, but I am his rock, and support and loves me too, and wants to see both of us. So almost every day we speak on phone many times, he sends me many nice photos, and even sent me a new phone to use internet and talk to him,
He left me some money but that is almost gone. When he returned the second time, we fought, and I said this is unfair, you need to give me a few weeks money to help, cause I did not plan for this. When he left we had a car now he bought, and the camper he invested in, and another truck to carry the camper in the future. And he left all his things and I need to pack this stuff up and ship to him, and sell the car and the truck, and try to get enough money to live. It is alot to deal with for me not being a healthy person
And to make matters worse, before this we bought a house in the other city where his children are, I was helping him fix up this house. I worked by his side for 8 months on this house, which is in his name only, and he is very upset because he says I am responsible to go help him repair the house, cause he bought it thinking I would be helping him do it. So now I am no longer able to go to the house, and he said he will not give me permission to go, cause he is not sure if he wants me there. So I basically wasted 8 months of my life working on the house with him,
So today I said, look, you cannot buy this house, if you want to be with me. You want alot of sex, and you are a few miles from this girls house. Even if you broke up with her, I would never sleep well when you are there and me here, cause I would be thinking you are lying again and sneaking her in to have sex with and not telling me. I also said, why do you need to be there without me, we were working on a house to be together in another city, why not work on that house?
So I said, first you need to decide me or her. And then I said, I will NEVER CALL YOU OR SPEAK TO YOU when you are there at that city with this new house. And I said, I WILL NOT VISIT cause it hurts my feelings that in ONLY ONE WEEK, you spent so much time with her, instead of your parents house like you went for, and you bought this new house without thinking of me.
So do you all agree, that this person is very bad for me? I do not have much, and now I might have to go to work again until I get out of this, cause before I did not need money, now I have many bills. And you know what, he also blames me for me not inspiring him to marry me, and that he wanted to be married. He blames me for that too. I said how could I want to be married to a person so unhappy with my level of sex drive?
Is this not reasonable, that he not buy this house, so he does not need to go to this home town, if he wants me like he said? If I am so much support for him, and he loves me so much, how come he is not happy with me? Does it also not make sense, that he should drop her as well if he wants me so much? I just cannot believe that I am in this kind of relationship, I was a very loving person. I know I lost my temper and yelled all the time, from frustration, but I do not feel I deserve this for sure. And the lying, how could I ever gain trust again with him. Even though it has only been a few weeks he ever lied to me it seems, it really hurt.
He just keeps repeating, that if I had given him all the sex, he needed, he would not have left, cause he felt insulted and incomplete that I had less sex with him than the other guy.
All opinions appreciated. Thanks.
Comment