How do I handle this?

[Janice17]

Hi everyone

I have had a very rocky 4 years with my partner. He lies a lot, I suspect because telling the truth puts him in a spot and it's easier to lie. Self esteem issue.
We reconciled two weeks ago after long talks and a year of an on again off again relationship. He had done so many things wrongly that I just couldn't be with him fully committed until I had recovered from those things.
We agreed to be truthful and take our relationship back to the days of when there was love and romance, like in the beginning and to put the past in the past.

I had told him that if he had slept with anyone since his last std test that he needed to be honest and not expose me to a risk, let me know and he would need to wear protection. He said he was clean so we had unprotected sex. I have developed a few symptoms and it's come out that he slept with a woman a month ago but he claims he wore a condom. He didn't give me the right to protect myself. A condom doesn't protect against all stds so now he is being tested, a bit late.
We agreed to spend weekends together but last week he told me he has a lunch on with a couple we both know and he's the 6th person to fill a seat. I asked him who the other three are and he said he had no idea. I suspected one of the lunch guests was a single woman so I asked if he could ask if I could go as well, as his partner. He told me after a few days that he asked and they said it was awkward as they only planned on 6 people and I would be number 7 so he said he cancelled it.
Now I find out that the couple were trying to match make him with a single woman there. He cancelled as he knew if I went I would find out.
I'm left with not knowing if he was going simply because he simply upholding an invitation acceptance from before we reconciled. He has nevertheless lied about the intent of the lunch. He admitted yesterday that one of the guests was a single lady after a lot of verbal bashing to get the truth from him.
Where to from here? Any advice is greatly appreciated please

[Janice17]

I apologise for having to edit my posts. Not very computer savvy with these forums.

[Clinton]

I'm left with not knowing if he was going simply because he simply upholding an invitation acceptance from before we reconciled.

This is simply what happened, he accepted the invitation before he reconciled with you. You reconciled with him two weeks ago and so he should have had plans to date other women before then.

I'll advice you don't let this be an issue with him. Now, that you both are back together, yo both must strive to make the relationship work this time around.

[Camila]

I have developed a few symptoms and it's come out that he slept with a woman a month ago but he claims he wore a condom

It's possible he had wore a condom, but not properly used hence you were infected.

You just reconciled with him, and so little issues like this are bound to come up. So, don't let this destroy your relationship. These are things that happened in the past, so let it remain in the past.

Focus now on building your relationship with him.

[Janice17]

Thank you Clinton
The lieing bothered me greatly as we had a pact that he wouldn't lie to me, but I saw that it was a prearranged lunch. It was only when I asked to go that lots of extra lies were told. I've reinforced my dislike of lies and moving forward from the situation hoping next time he can be honest and open.

[Janice17]

Thank you Camila. I do understand that there are probably many women he bedded during our time apart. He's a man.
I'm 57 and never had any type of std. I came home from hospital icu 3 weeks ago with virtually no immune system which is why being exposed to infection has bothered me greatly. I can't fight any infection. I felt with him knowing that and seeing me nearly die in hospital that he would have been completely honest to protect my health. It felt like he was protecting my opinion of him with regarding to him having sex with others rather than protecting my health.
If I am positive for any untreatable std I don't know how to handle this. I fear I will hate him for it.

[bebert]

Hi Janice,
Just read your post. You were the last newbie here until I came along. I was going to write my own story here and when I read yours, it seemed like there are going to be someone with something more complicated than our own. I feel for you for what you are going through. I hope all will be well with you soon.

[Janice17]

Hi Bebert
Thank you for your words.
I believe that no matter how small or large a problem is, if it brings us to a forum for others thoughts, then it is something significant to us. Yes hearing others stories can make our problems seem so minor but nevertheless those issues still our ours and its good to get them out there for resolve. I can't see your story???

[bebert]

Hi Janice,

My story is work in progress at the moment. Working on it on Word before the post it up. It's a pretty long winded one. I may need to redact some.

[bebert]

I think I may have a title for it already "You told her you love her, she knows it's true. She told you she love you, she knows it's not true".