Will I ever be able to trust him again?

[nursey916]

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half and we have lived together for 9 months. We deeply love each other and talk about marriage etc. Well we recently went to Amsterdam and were down in the red light district and I told him he could get a blow job ONLY by one of the girls he liked (they’re really hot and my boyfriend has always been kind of nerdy and bad with women so I thought it would be a nice for him). Let’s fast forward to about a month later after our trip when we are home and living day to day life...one night Last week I went out with this girl We both know and after a lot of alcohol I ended up making out with her. I told my boyfriend about it and kinda joked with him about having a threesome with her and also chatted with her about If she would ever be open to the idea which she waS. I have always played with the idea of having one out of curiosity but don’t think I’d ever follow through with it. Well let’s fast forward again to a couple days ago. It was that girls birthday so my man and I went out for drinks with her. There was no talk about tonight being the night or whether we would actually follow through with it we were just going out to celebrate. She and my boyfriend both like to drink a lot of hard liquor so they were a hellllll of a lot drunker than me by the end of the night and as soon as we got home from the bar my bf got completely naked and started stroking himself. She also started taking her clothes off and laid down on our couch. Well he goes and takes her panties off and starts having sex with her. Mind you, I’m fully clothed and kind of in shock as to what is happening in front of me...a tad bit turned on but mostly shocked cause it was like watching a live porn. I left the room cause I realized I wasn’t into the threesome thing after all. Well I come back 5 mins later and they’re still having sex. I’d say they must have had sex for a good 15 mins or so. The entire time I’m outside just in shock as to whats happening on my couch. They eventually stopped and she went home and I asked my bf when we woke up the next day if he remembers any of it and he claims he didn’t. I was very upset and hurt, I told him I couldn’t get that image of them having sex out of mind. He asked me why I didn’t stop him and I’m sure other people will be wondering that too...but you have to understand I was drunk and it all happened so fast. When we came back to my house after the bar I thought maybe we would play some pool and darts in my basement but no...boom as soon as we get home
he can hardly control himself. I also asked him if he really only got a blow job from that girl in Amsterdam and he admitted to me that he couldn’t get off from a blow so he did in fact have sex with her bc he didn’t see it as that big of a difference. All I can think about lately is how he has slept with two other women and how much it pisses me off. I’m starting to wonder if I will ever be able to move forward with him after this as ive kind of lost my ability to trust him and I just don’t look at him
the same. Please give me some advice...did I bring this upon myself? I know I told him he could get a BJ on vacation and I know I tossed around the idea of a threesome with that girl but I never said I for sure wanted to do it either. HELP idk what to do here

[Kiddu]

Let me start it to the back then you will decide if you trust him again and move on or not.
We people get in relationship with different expectations and of course with lots of curiosities, one curiosity leads to another then temptation then BOOM things go out of control.
Now tell me if you were him and he tells you to go get a brow job and he shows you that it is okay to do it! would you refuse?
Brow job is sexual act which you permitted him to do at least it would have been done under your watch.
Then on the other incident the threesome thing comes up! If it was you getting permissions from him to do all those things what would do you?
Right in front of you! it shows that he thought you will join in since you did not stop him then it was okay with you!!
Don't get pissed, what he did was the refection of the image you shown him.
Men's brains have that wild part of it which kind of arguing them to explore more. So when you are in relationship with a man you kind like taming that wild part but now it looks like you lost control of it. He will never take you and what you stand for in relationship seriously. This should be a reason to you. There is a saying that goes "If you fail to protect your hunting ground you lose the prey to others"

[Sandra]

I think you brought it upon yourself. First you cheated on him with that girl and then brought up the idea of a threesome with her, so he didn't see anything wrong with having sex with her in front of you. Moreover, you wanted a threesome so he sees it as an opportunity to that.

They eventually stopped and she went home and I asked my bf when we woke up the next day if he remembers any of it and he claims he didn’t.

He completely remembers everything that happened between him and the other girl. He simply denied it in order not to make you feel bad.

However, if you know you can't get over the idea of him cheating on you, leave him and find another man but this time be more careful with your actions.

[Gray]

Does this girl come to your house before the night this event took place? If she doesn't come to your house, then she probably came because of the threesome. You initiated it, so don't blame your her or your boyfriend. Forgive them both and move on.

[jjerryr3]

I believe you know its over.
Best to accept and move on so both of you can heal. Ps quit looking for the right one ,let the right one find you.