11 years and 2 kids later- and the cycles NEED to stop...

[MommyAmour]

We’re to even begin..

i met my partner at 22, had some pretty strong indicators (hat I clearly ignored) after a few months into the relationship that he was possibly not the k e for me. He was rude to me and took me for granted and I was the cliche girl who was head over heals after the guy that showed me little attention. I moved with him on a wild goose chase to the middle of nowhere, got stuck and surprise surprise... pregnant. I was 23.
Years go by as we bounce around from geographical locTions trying to find the place where we are both happy. He’s from Louisiana ... I’m from Oregon.
We have had so so many ups and downs, struggle first and foremost with communication, and he’s a total stoner the.

[MommyAmour]

[Lily]

Here's how can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship:

. You have made personal changes in order to please your partner.

· Your partner is verbally abusive to you in front of others.

· Your partner tries to control what you do and who you associate with.

· Your partner tries to make you dependent on them in all areas of your life.

· Your partner may say they love you, but their actions don't back up their words.

Toxic relationships become a viscous cycle. There's a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation - at which point the cycle begins all over again.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until you become more involved that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So the question is, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically ill?

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they repeat the patterns of their home life without even knowing they're doing it. And, they may not know any other way. Others believe they do not deserve real happiness. Often people who stay in these relationships have low self esteem or suffer from depression. And still others find that they enjoy taking care of people. People in this group believe that they can help the toxic person get better.

The first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices.

The next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new boundaries that can heal the relationship.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes counseling. Other times, it takes space. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the relationship in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you walk away. If you aren't willing to walk away, you'll never be able to heal the problems that divide you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to communicate what you need from the relationship. You don't do this by nagging the other person. Simply say "I need your support," "I need your love," or "I need your truthful opinion."

If you don't get what you need, you must let the other person know that you are prepared to leave.

A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way and you have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

[Anthony]

In some cases, couples can overcome their problems on their own without seeking outside help. That's a great achievement and generally is bought about by one party "swallowing his/her pride" and saying sorry. A good relationship is where couples are able to communicate with each other and can work together for their common good . Couples where communication has broken down need to find a way to get communication flowing again otherwise they are destined to either a very unhappy relationship, or sadly, a complete breakdown.

If you are in the position where communication has broken down, it is important for you to realise that this happens often in many relationships. The challenge is for you to both agree to seeking some help. There is no shame in admitting that you have a problem and reality is such that if you have any hope of getting back to your loving ways, then this may be the very first step in your road to reconciliation.

"The course of true love never runs smooth" is an old saying but it is definitely true. Most couples experience a hic-up at some stage. The test of true love is being able to get through these tough times. If you love your partner and want your love to continue, work with your partner to overcome your present difficulties. Hopefully, in no time you will never have to ask "how to save my dying relationship?" ever again.