I feel I have got closure from being cheated on but unsure

[confusedman3]

Hi,

I will give a summary of the events as they are quite long to mention in detail. I had a girlfriend for a year and a half and things were going great. I treated her like royalty and we had a lot in common, I genuinely could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. From poetry, massages, gifts, flowers, supporting her when she had surgery, driving her places, going on holiday with her, and being romantic etc, the whole works. I graduated from university whilst she stayed on for her remaining two years. I would go up and visit most weekends as it was easier for me to than for her to visit me. She did come and visit once or twice though. One weekend I don’t go and visit, she doesn’t respond to my texts all day so I think something is up, I never saw it coming.
She cheated on me (this is about a year and 2 months into the relationship), she got drunk on a night out and got with a guy.
She text me about it saying she couldn’t believe she would ever do something like that to me with how I treated her and that I have been her rock of support lately. I took her back as I didn’t want to see the relationship go to waste, but also I believe in second chances and that people can change. I can also see the good in people, sometimes even when it’s not there. I asked her to not speak to the guy again and she said ok (turns out she was still speaking with him as it gets worse). A month later she cheats on me again (with the same guy). Both times she didn’t apologise until I asked her later on. We break up (I drove up to collect my things the very next day as I didn’t want to prolong anything) and I tried the Non-contact rule and removed her from my life, however because I still have very close links with my university I kept running into her. Also I heard from friends that she just seemed completely fine after it and didn’t care one bit.
I then decide I need closure and ask to speak to her. We talk and she tells me that the reason why she cheated was because she was unhappy. Not with the relationship as she said I treated her well, had no worst moments of the relationship and was sorry she cheated but didn’t regret it. I thought she was returning to her old ways of just getting with loads of guys but that was not the case. She was unhappy with herself because she said she changed to impress me (although I never saw this as she seemed the same through the whole one and a half years). She is now in a relationship (kind of as she said it is heading that way of being one) with the guy she cheated on me with. Who as it turns out is very similar to me in almost every way. He didn’t know I was her boyfriend when she cheated. She has also broken her ‘rules’ and slept with the guy numerous times before even being in a relationship with him (waited a while with me and her previous relationships). She is also doing stuff with him she never wanted to do with any other relationships. When I asked it was just because he was hot and that was a reason she kept repeated over and over and not much else, not saying what they had in common, even though they get on like a house on fire she said. What is worse is that she said I would be better friends with him than she would as we are basically the same.
I asked if she even thought about our relationship after breaking up and she said no, she hasn’t thought about me at all or the relationship and not spoken about it to anybody. They were also speaking after she cheated the first time and got together pretty much straight after the break up. This guy graduates this summer same as I did whilst she has another year left at university. She also cheated on the previous boyfriend to me.
I guess looking at the whole closure thing; it has helped as she has moved on by the sounds of it. But also that she cheated because she was unhappy with herself, not because of anything in the relationship or that I did. I initially thought the first time was because I am long distance after having graduated and she thought it as an easy thing to do that weekend she got drunk.
But part of me also thinks this is a rebound relationship? The fact she hasn’t spoken to anyone or thought about our breakup and gone straight into another relationship. This other guy is also a really nice guy and I feel that she will just end up cheating on him as well. But I guess it is his fault for going into a relationship with her?

Summary:
Girlfriend of 18months cheated twice
Now in a relationship with the guy she cheated on me with
Not spoken about our relationship to anyone and immediately got with this guy, sleeping with him before being in a relationship (breaking all her rules) and then going into the relationship anyway. Her only real reasoning is that he is ‘hot’ for everything. He is also basically the same as me (taller and different physical features obviously but same athletic build and personality in some ways).
I guess I am asking people’s opinions on this really, but also is this enough to give me the closure I deserve? I also ended it on good terms recently with her as I couldn’t do the NC thing and gave her gifts I originally purchased when we were together but didn’t give her before she cheated. I can’t hate people basically, I feel guilty no matter what they have done to me. She made my life horrible after she cheated, my work suffered as well as my sport and I felt like I couldn’t trust in a relationship again. After talking with her I know it wasn’t my fault for her cheating and the relationship ending (although she could have ended it instead of cheating twice?). The fact she has moved on should finally give me closure? Will she just cheat on this guy again?

[Jerome]

When you break up with someone it can completely shatter your world, your whole life is turned upside down. Eventually you have to start thinking about going out and socialising again. Socialising when you're single can be quite different to socialising when you're in a couple. For me it was a really big worry when I split with my partner of 7 years, everything had changed since the last time I was single, mainly the fact that all of my friends were now in long term relationships and I had no one to go out with. I'm only thirty years old but even in those 7 years of being in a couple the whole dating game had changed.

Whereas before in my early twenties after a relationship break up, your friends would just say don't worry about it, forget about them and let's go out and party, you would never have a shortage of things to do and your friends were always out and about. We would go out clubbing or to some bars; it would be very easy to meet people.

Things have since changed, my friends no longer go out as much as they are all in couples and like to do couple things (as we all do in that situation), like quiet drinks round each other's houses and nice meals and very occasionally a night out. That's all lovely when you have a partner and it's always nice to socialise with your mates, but being single you want the opportunity to meet other people outside your immediate circle of friends and that's pretty difficult if you're hanging around with couples all the time.

Even though my profession is heavily internet involved I never tried dating websites and didn't really fancy it, don't get me wrong a few of my friends have met their partners on their and they swear by it. But for me I like traditional communication in the sense of meeting people face to face, it's more daunting for some but I find it much more fun.

So I found myself quickly adapting to the situation and you end up going out with other single people from work or acquaintances that you may not always think to socialise with, not just because they are single (well sometimes) but because they are in the same situation as you and their lifestyle is similar to yours.

I would advise not to turn down any social opportunity, embrace them all, the random nights are always the best and you never know where you will end up or who you might meet, the sense of freedom is amazing. I quickly found that I loved this new lifestyle, I was living alone at the time after the break up and I learned a lot about myself in that time. I did not have any ties or commitments (apart from my cat) and could come and go when I pleased, it was a very cool time in my life and I enjoyed it immensely.

It's strange what you worry about after a break up but for me this felt like a very big thing at the time, how I would cope living alone and going out again and socialising. But these worries quickly dissipate as you get out there partying.

I wrote this article for others in the same situation that I was in, those worried about getting out there and socialising and being in the single lifestyle again, it is scary and it is daunting. However I absolutely loved it again, it was different from my early twenties but in a better way, this time I had more confidence in myself to meet people and certainly had more money to do things than I did back then.

A year or so later and I have met someone who I am very happy with, I met her in a nightclub and we have so much in common it's scary. Especially as she is not originally from this country, but traditional dating is still alive and well and fun.

So, my advice to you is that instead of like me initially looking at the negatives which is very natural to do, try to look at the positives there are lots, and the sooner you do this the quicker you will embrace your new lifestyle after your break up.

Have fun and stay safe!!

[Kate]

If everything had happened the way you said it, then it shows that she isn't a content person. So, if she had cheated on you for the fact that the other guy was more "hot," she is obviously going to cheat on this new guy when she finds someone "hotter" than him.

Cheer up, have fun and be happy because everyday is a new day to meet better people.

[John]

I think you are suppose to be happy she has left your life. This girl has brought so much pain to you, so be glad now that she has gone for good.