Confused whether to leave or not

[Ohwhat2do]

Hi all, I have snooped around and looked at the other posts but first time I have posted.

I am unsure what to do about my relationship but I am hoping from your advice and me actually typing it out it will help me come to a conclusion or clarify it in my mind.

i have been with my GF for around 5 years and we have 2 children together.(they are pre school age) She suffers from anxiety which from day one has put a strain on things as well as her trust issues (always saying I’m cheating and funny with other people around our children) it also doesn’t help I am the opposite end but also really bad at helping her sometimes with the anxiety and can be dismissive as some of her fears to me a really irrational. Not the way to help somethking with anxiety I know. Other times I’m supportive but find it hard to be all the time.

i am also a nightmare at times as I become insular when I’ve been hurt and find stepping in to solve things difficult. I’m also quite sensitive so when she’s mean to me I take it to heart and pull away. This has led to little infancy in our relationship for a months.

She hates my family which has affected my relationship with them and makes them seeing my children difficult. My GF puts fu in place like I have to be there can’t be at our house and they can’t do certain things especially if my sister is involved who she hates the most. My family could have handled the situation better but my GF is not willing to make things better and always thinks they should make the move. She speaks about them to me and gets really angry when ever I mention them. A lot has gone on on all sides but it’s all mainly small things that getry blown out of proportion leaving me in the middle. I had supported my GF as my family don’t come to the house any more and see my children on her terms.its never enough.

When it comes to my children I feel controlled by her and if I challenge something she can get aggressive and call me names. We do argue a lot but she goes overboard and has no boundaries on what she says to me. She will just talk at me won’t listen and interrupt me constantly so I feel I don’t have a say. When I do say something she twists what I say and repeats back something that is nothing that I said. I have also said some horrible things but I feel it’s when I am provoked.

we have been to couples counselling twice and hasn’t really helped as her anger hasnt changed at all. . She also sees her own councillor on her anxiety but I feel they confirm her fears and also supports her feelings towards my family as she only gets one side.

i am really unhappy but I can’t think of not seeing my children everyday plus financially splitting up would be a struggle. But money isn’t everything but my children are.

When ever we argue how small she goes overboard with the insults to get her own way And for me to back down. Everything feels a battle. I genuinely can’t have a conversation that she doesn’t agree with without it going into an arguement.

I have thought of leaving lots but never have done as it calms down and we go back to the status quo plus the thought of another man in the long term involved in my children’s lives and me not seeing them every day is really upsetting.

[Caleb]

It's really bad that she hates your family, and you won't be able to have a perfect relationship with her if your family is cut off.

First, you need to find out if she is willing to save your relationship and want to change things. If she's determined to do this, leaving her shouldn't be an option for you. You should only leave her when she doesn't want to work on the relationship.

Remember, no relationship is perfect, you can only make your relationship perfect when you make effort to make it so.

[Caroline]

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