my husbands freind

[Moonyq8]

Ho im a married woman gotbtwo kifs i got married twice bdw was accidently i had frelings for my husbnds freind which is younger than me 10 yrs hes 23 and im 32 so i told him i luv u i have feelings fr u i never lived aumonehis age so we had sex my husbnd forsnt know after having sex he said he tegrets tht he cveated his freibd and he changed he left my place he ddnt tird to call i call i txted i said y ur changed alot he said no nothin like that so two days back i sent him a txt thtvibll never annoy him i topd him if u dun want me. U shd ve told me any how i still have feelings for him plz tel me what to do i want gim to call me back without me calling hes thr on my instgram i post pictures with sexy dress even he ddnt call d me help me

[Julia]

I think that there is always something that you can do. You can work on yourself. You can let your spouse know that you will be there should he change his mind. Believe it or not, this does sometimes happen. Sometimes, people separate or even divorce, and the spouses date other people. But as time allows for things to calm down and allows for more perspective, things do change.

Only you can decide if you are willing to wait or if you want to move on also. If you want to wait, then I believe that the most effective way to do that is to reach out to your spouse as someone who will always care about their well being and not as someone who is focused on having them change their mind.

It might work something like this. The next time you speak, you could say: "I have been thinking about your moving on and although I understand your motivations and I do not blame you, I will always value our relationship and I will always take responsibility for changing everything. I will forever be sorry that I hurt you and that I put what we had in jeopardy. I do not blame you for how you feel or for what you are doing. I would do anything to change it or to be given a second chance, but I understand how you feel. I have a lot of work to do on myself and I am going to be continuing on that path. I want you to know that I am always here for you if you want for me to be. I know that you say that you are moving on, but you will always be very important to me. And if there is anything that I can ever do to help you, then I hope that you will reach out to me."

Sometimes, you just have to leave it at that and then you have to wait. Your spouse might be watching to see if you are truly working on yourself, so make sure that you are. Continue to do the self work and continue to be open and available should your spouse want to reach out. You never know what might happen, but it typically takes time. And if and when the time comes, you want to make sure that you're as rehabilitated as you can possibly be. Until then, work on becoming your best. You don't know what will happen, but you can not go wrong improving yourself.

[Sammy]

You often won't know if your marriage stands a chance until you hang in there and see for yourself. If you give up and walk away, you might never truly know what might have happened had you saw it through. With that said, there are things that you can do to give your marriage a better chance of surviving, which I will discuss more below.

Understand That Your Spouse Having Strong Emotions Can Actually Be A Positive Sign: I know that this may not make sense to you right now, but your spouse claiming to hate you or even showing extreme anger toward you isn't always the worst thing that you could experience. Because your spouse's strong feelings can be indicative of how much they care. If they didn't have real or strong feelings for you, their reaction may not be as dramatic or strong as it is right now. To me, it is always more discouraging to see a spouse just quietly walk away without much fanfare or anger. This reaction is more indicative that the marriage has less of a chance to survive. Because the betrayed spouse isn't experiencing strong emotions, they are more likely to be completely done with very few regrets about the same.

What You Might Be Seeing Is Hatred For Your Actions Rather Than Real Hatred For You: I have to be honest and admit that I told my husband that I hated him on countless occasions after he cheated on me. And I meant every word that I said at the time. It took me a while to realize that I hated what he did instead of hating him as a person. I don't believe it's all that common to go from feeling love to feeling hate in the blink of an eye. Yes, you can absolutely loathe the fact that your spouse betrayed you and had an affair. You can loathe their judgment and lack of impulse control. But you sometimes realize that you don't really hate them as a person.

Once I calmed down, I couldn't deny the fact that my husband had always been a solid person who was always there for me. I couldn't forget how he supported me, loved me, and protected me for many years of our married life. It's very easy to forget all of the good when you are faced with such a horrific demonstration of the bad. But eventually, most people begin to remember the good and gain a bit of perspective.

In Order To Move Past The Negative Feelings More Quickly, You Must Show Some Positive Rehabilitation To Your Spouse: I understand that it likely feels awful to hear your spouse say that although they'll try to save your marriage, they have their doubts because of their own feelings of hatred. It's normal to want to change their mind right away. But, you need to understand that they are likely going to want to see several things from you before they can even begin to change their mind or let go of some of their hatred.

First of all, they must truly believe that you are sorry for cheating. They must believe that you understand exactly why and how you are wrong and take full responsibility for what was ultimately their own decision. They have to believe that you are so remorseful that you wouldn't dare risk your marriage like this even again. If you are not yet feeling these things, then you're probably better off stepping back until you do. It's not fair to ask your spouse to back off of their feelings when you aren't sure of your own.

In short, if you want to be forgiven, then you have to act in a way that makes you forgivable. This means placing the blame exactly where it belongs - with you. It also means that you take responsibility for coming up with and taking the lead on the path that is going to lead you out of here. You should not just sit around and wait for your spouse to make every move or to lead the way. That is really up to you. Yes, they may chose to follow you if they believe in your sincerity. But taking the first step is really not up to them. It is up to you.

There isn't any quick or overnight answer or remedy. Restoring the trust and commitment takes time. They are likely reeling from the pain, confusion, uncertainty that they are experiencing. You can't expect them to just immediately quiet their doubts and fears for your own sake. It's perfectly natural for them to feel some reluctance and to give in to the urge to hurt you as much as you have hurt them.

This phase often doesn't last forever, but it helps if you understand it and then validate them by telling them that you not only understand them, but you don't blame them either. And that, because of this, you're willing to have the patience to allow them the space and time to grieve before you work together to recover.