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Hello to everyone.
This is going to be a long one.
Glad i found this great forum. This is my first post here. I'm 29 year guy from Croatia and this is my story, i think i need some kind of closure or help because my emotions and brain are fighting like crazy, and i think i'm getting crazy from day to day. First of all i'm sorry on my bad english, and i want to thank you taking time to read this.
I been in relationship with girl i really love for 5 years. Lets call her girl A (just for sake of easier story telling)
We lived together, in small city, later on after few years we moved to a bigger city. I got great job and i was thinking that our life is finally getting better, wanted to propose this girl, wanted to have kids with her and spend rest of the life with her, its really a great girl... but .. things were not so great after all.
We loved each other very much, but we often had fights, small and stupid fights which became more and more aggressive (from both sides). As time passed, this fights became even more bigger, we started fighting about even more stupid things with even more aggression. After one year in a new city, we had like 5 break ups but somehow we always managed to get back together. It was a loop thing. We became weak persons, we both gained a lot of weight, and we were not happy people. Girl i love became very depressed, she could not be satisfied with anything i did for her, dinners, presents, trips, campings, sweet words, emotions... it would always end up like i did something wrong and we would start fighting. Let me get this straight she is not a bad person, i think she just had some problems in her head which always led to bad thoughts.
As time passed i started to become numb... i started to get colder.. how should one look at person he loves when that person tell him that wish him to be dead.... started thinking about breaking up... our days became same, one day looked like another and so on, we worked during day and we often slept in different rooms in night. Our love for each other was the only thing holding us together. She was very sad girl, i was very sad guy. The fights were happening so often that they happened in my office at work as well few times, starting to affect my carrier. I tried so hard to hunt the problem, to find a solution for us, i changed myself... i suggested her to try and change herself as well, go on dancing classes, new language course, anything , i was trying to get to her so hard, talking with her for hours and hours, suggesting any kind of interest in anything ( i was very supportive about any idea) but she was just rejecting all ideas , and reaming sad. I asked her what should i change in myself ? Was thinking... Maybe i'm the problem...but she didn't wanted to break up nor change anything in us or me... By the time my days transformed to hell... sometimes i didn't wanted to come back from work... because i knew there would be high chances a fight is waiting for me there.
I tried to talk with her about breaking up... which she did not welcome or accept at all, she would started crying and our day would end up with fight again "you don't love me anymore" style.
Few months after that talk she mentioned that we should get married, that we should have kids...asking me when i'm going to propose her and stuff like that.. which i did not wanted to give false hope for.. so i tried to explain to her in very cold manner without emotions that we are not ready for that, that in this kind of situation we are not managing to take care of ourself properly not to mention having kids... i tried to explain that we are not in very good position at the moment and we need to fix some things first, that marriage and kids would just be a boost to our problems, because than we would be chained to each other for life.
Eventually after few month we had the biggest fight ever... she attacked me because of a social network.... (i never cheated on her nor tried similar thing, not even texting) but she insisted that while i was on a business trip were cheating on her. No matter how hard i tried to reason with her and explain that she is creating story in her head it did not help. She ended up trowing stuff at me and she physically injured me. At that point i knew that this is going to be our last fight.
I ended relationship that night and she agreed that we need to breakup. She moved out few days later. But she was still calling me and we were in contact... i was afraid getting back together because i still love her so much that i can't describe it... so i made decision to end this for good. I found another girl, girl B just few days later after our breakup. I went to see our mutual friends and i started bragging how nice i feel and how much better i feel now with new girl (hoping she will receive this message and started to hate me) which did the trick. But in reality i was not happy with new girl i was in very bad emotional state, i even took a break from mu job while i sort out my head. Was in terrible state, i missed girl A so much that i was thinking to contact her after all... which my brain did not allow me.
After few months with new girl B (which was terrible person by the way, i mean really terrible person) when i felt that emotions for my ex were little bit colder and that there are not chances of getting back anymore, i broke up with her as well.
Now i'm alone and after few months passed, i started sorting out my head and now i can think rationally... i got my weight under control, started working out even more, started some new hobbies, my carrier went crazy good... BUT i miss girl A so much that i can't describe it with the words. I don't have drive for chasing other girls.. i simply don't see anything in them. Girl A is doing good as well. Both of us are now much happier persons (at least that is what we tell to people) My emotional state is still questionable.
Girl A don't want to hear or see me anymore, which was expected to happen, and i'm fine with it, however i spoke shortly on the phone few weeks ago, and she sounded very sad, talking about how happy she is now and how she don't want to hear or see me anymore ever, how i was very bad person, and i hurt her a lot . Which hurts me very much as well but than again it was expected. This feeling of emptiness i have is killing me. I think i still love her, and often i think how it would look like to get back together... which i know would probably most stupid thing to do ever.
Did i made right choice rationally ? I know i did, because both of us are doing better now. We look better, we speak better, we are living life better than ever. Did i made right choice emotionally? Don't think so, because after all thinking about her on daily bases every hour... is making me crazy. I don't know could i stand to see her... she is feeling the same, she said she don't hate me but she don't want to see me nor hear me. After our phone call i promised i would never contact her again, and i kept that promise, even if sometimes i have strong feeling that i should tell her how i feel i know that would produce nothing more than negative results.
My question is... should one who broke up because realizing that both of us was not happy, should try and get back to her? even if so much damage is made something in side of me is telling me that she is the right one... or thats just a placebo talking ?
Thank you on your time taken to read this. Sorry for long post like this. Cheers.
This is going to be a long one.
Glad i found this great forum. This is my first post here. I'm 29 year guy from Croatia and this is my story, i think i need some kind of closure or help because my emotions and brain are fighting like crazy, and i think i'm getting crazy from day to day. First of all i'm sorry on my bad english, and i want to thank you taking time to read this.
I been in relationship with girl i really love for 5 years. Lets call her girl A (just for sake of easier story telling)
We lived together, in small city, later on after few years we moved to a bigger city. I got great job and i was thinking that our life is finally getting better, wanted to propose this girl, wanted to have kids with her and spend rest of the life with her, its really a great girl... but .. things were not so great after all.
We loved each other very much, but we often had fights, small and stupid fights which became more and more aggressive (from both sides). As time passed, this fights became even more bigger, we started fighting about even more stupid things with even more aggression. After one year in a new city, we had like 5 break ups but somehow we always managed to get back together. It was a loop thing. We became weak persons, we both gained a lot of weight, and we were not happy people. Girl i love became very depressed, she could not be satisfied with anything i did for her, dinners, presents, trips, campings, sweet words, emotions... it would always end up like i did something wrong and we would start fighting. Let me get this straight she is not a bad person, i think she just had some problems in her head which always led to bad thoughts.
As time passed i started to become numb... i started to get colder.. how should one look at person he loves when that person tell him that wish him to be dead.... started thinking about breaking up... our days became same, one day looked like another and so on, we worked during day and we often slept in different rooms in night. Our love for each other was the only thing holding us together. She was very sad girl, i was very sad guy. The fights were happening so often that they happened in my office at work as well few times, starting to affect my carrier. I tried so hard to hunt the problem, to find a solution for us, i changed myself... i suggested her to try and change herself as well, go on dancing classes, new language course, anything , i was trying to get to her so hard, talking with her for hours and hours, suggesting any kind of interest in anything ( i was very supportive about any idea) but she was just rejecting all ideas , and reaming sad. I asked her what should i change in myself ? Was thinking... Maybe i'm the problem...but she didn't wanted to break up nor change anything in us or me... By the time my days transformed to hell... sometimes i didn't wanted to come back from work... because i knew there would be high chances a fight is waiting for me there.
I tried to talk with her about breaking up... which she did not welcome or accept at all, she would started crying and our day would end up with fight again "you don't love me anymore" style.
Few months after that talk she mentioned that we should get married, that we should have kids...asking me when i'm going to propose her and stuff like that.. which i did not wanted to give false hope for.. so i tried to explain to her in very cold manner without emotions that we are not ready for that, that in this kind of situation we are not managing to take care of ourself properly not to mention having kids... i tried to explain that we are not in very good position at the moment and we need to fix some things first, that marriage and kids would just be a boost to our problems, because than we would be chained to each other for life.
Eventually after few month we had the biggest fight ever... she attacked me because of a social network.... (i never cheated on her nor tried similar thing, not even texting) but she insisted that while i was on a business trip were cheating on her. No matter how hard i tried to reason with her and explain that she is creating story in her head it did not help. She ended up trowing stuff at me and she physically injured me. At that point i knew that this is going to be our last fight.
I ended relationship that night and she agreed that we need to breakup. She moved out few days later. But she was still calling me and we were in contact... i was afraid getting back together because i still love her so much that i can't describe it... so i made decision to end this for good. I found another girl, girl B just few days later after our breakup. I went to see our mutual friends and i started bragging how nice i feel and how much better i feel now with new girl (hoping she will receive this message and started to hate me) which did the trick. But in reality i was not happy with new girl i was in very bad emotional state, i even took a break from mu job while i sort out my head. Was in terrible state, i missed girl A so much that i was thinking to contact her after all... which my brain did not allow me.
After few months with new girl B (which was terrible person by the way, i mean really terrible person) when i felt that emotions for my ex were little bit colder and that there are not chances of getting back anymore, i broke up with her as well.
Now i'm alone and after few months passed, i started sorting out my head and now i can think rationally... i got my weight under control, started working out even more, started some new hobbies, my carrier went crazy good... BUT i miss girl A so much that i can't describe it with the words. I don't have drive for chasing other girls.. i simply don't see anything in them. Girl A is doing good as well. Both of us are now much happier persons (at least that is what we tell to people) My emotional state is still questionable.
Girl A don't want to hear or see me anymore, which was expected to happen, and i'm fine with it, however i spoke shortly on the phone few weeks ago, and she sounded very sad, talking about how happy she is now and how she don't want to hear or see me anymore ever, how i was very bad person, and i hurt her a lot . Which hurts me very much as well but than again it was expected. This feeling of emptiness i have is killing me. I think i still love her, and often i think how it would look like to get back together... which i know would probably most stupid thing to do ever.
Did i made right choice rationally ? I know i did, because both of us are doing better now. We look better, we speak better, we are living life better than ever. Did i made right choice emotionally? Don't think so, because after all thinking about her on daily bases every hour... is making me crazy. I don't know could i stand to see her... she is feeling the same, she said she don't hate me but she don't want to see me nor hear me. After our phone call i promised i would never contact her again, and i kept that promise, even if sometimes i have strong feeling that i should tell her how i feel i know that would produce nothing more than negative results.
My question is... should one who broke up because realizing that both of us was not happy, should try and get back to her? even if so much damage is made something in side of me is telling me that she is the right one... or thats just a placebo talking ?
Thank you on your time taken to read this. Sorry for long post like this. Cheers.
Can't calculate outcome and how should i behave.
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