got cheated on (?) and dumped

[Dericksk]

Hi, thanks for reading & sorry to be bit wordy.

I’ve been with my ex gf for 5 years, we even got engaged last year. I was happy until one day when she was off i found out she wasnt meeting her girl colleague for coffee as she said but met a guy from work. They went for day out to a different town (not to be seen).

I immediately thought myself this is it, its over :/. She tried to explain that this was just as a friend. But it was dificult to believe, why else would she lie about meeting someone else. I know she kept deleting the messages from him. She tried to explain he’s just a good friend. I went home for a week to cool off and think about things.

When i came back she told me she thinks would be better on her own. She still insisted that its not because the other man. She even said she still loves me but not in that way anymore.

I didnt beg her to stay with me as I was still angry about her lie & thought shes in love with this other So we broke up. I’ve got my ring back.

Its been 2 months now. She contacted me right after 5 days wanted to meet. I did go. We then met couple more times. We always had fun. But just as friends. I hate myself for doing that. I gues i kept seeing her as I still love her and miss her. I know i exhibited a doormat behaviour.

I still miss her. But last night when she invited me in gor dinner i told her it might be best not to meet anymore. I said so that i still like her and miss her but cant feel sorry for myself and keep seeing her as a friend while she dumped me. She insisted she didnt leave me for another man.It was for the first time i told her that since we broke up. She seemed sad about it. But she never said she still loves me too that night. We havent got any other friends in the town so I think she just want me as a friend around. And she wanted toto meet me every now and then.

I feel really bad for saying that as i dont wat to break contact or stop seeing her. But at the same time i feel like s,hit for sticking around once dumped.


Its been two weeks we havent really been in touch now.

Not sure, i feel like i dont want to stop seeing her and I astill miss her as hell and would like to get back together but not sure if i should tell her that.

Would you?

[Jerome]

If you want to have a second chance with her, you need to stop being friends with her. If you keep contacting her and meeting her, you will remain friends and never get back together with her.

First, you need to stop contacting her and turn down any request to meet her. This way, she will miss you and realize she wants you back. However, if you remain friends with her, she'll keep you around while she finds someone else and you will stuck in the friend zone.

[Rachael]

You cannot agree to friendship with your ex.

Ever.

It's a sucker move, and it'll put you into a situation from which you'll never get out of. She's going to see you in a platonic role, more and more each day, and there's virtually no way of getting back into a romantic light again. When your ex asks to be friends, it's always best to refuse such an offer. Tell her no, firmly but gently. Then tell her why you can't be friends with your ex: because you love her too much. Let her know that you think of her on levels that have nothing to do with friendship, and everything to do with a relationship. Tell her you're not going to cover up your feelings and put a smile on your face every day, pretending not to love her when you really do. Then tell her that she can't have some of you... it's all or nothing. It's a relationship or it's nothing, and that's how it has to be.

Your girlfriend doesn't expect you to react like this. She wants to stay friends with you to keep her options open. Losing you so completely, and so immediately, was not something she wanted. Going away and leaving her alone, to her own thoughts, will always produce the same reaction: she'll think about you, miss you, and question her decision to end the relationship. Do this, and your ex will have to decide between having you in her life as a boyfriend, or losing you completely for good.

When your girlfriend says let's be friends, you have to immediately take action. Being proactive is the only way to stop the break up from happening, and you need to make all the right moves. Making the wrong ones during this critical time can spell the difference between keeping her in your life or losing her to someone else.

[Helen]

It's a bad idea. Women don't love friends, don't you know?

[dogmomm2233]

If there's a chance she wants to get back together I think it's okay to explore that. But if she just wants you around as a friend, you'll just end up dragging out your breakup longer. Lot's of couples break up and get back together - but I also don't want to give you any false hope.
So far how you've said you handled everything (taking some time alone at home to think about things, telling her you guys can't just be friends) seems to be good ideas. If you think she is interested in getting back together, I think you would need some sort of proof from her that she didn't cheat on you. Another thing would be that she couldn't work with this guy she might've hooked up with. If you guys work things out, but you know he's at work with her everyday, you'll never be able to trust her again and I think you'll drive yourself crazy with all the possibilities of them together.
If you don't think she wants to get back together or try again, you should definitely cut off contact with her. Try going out and making some new friends. Focus on yourself and healing