My boyfriend might break up with me for something that happened 3 years ago

[dogmomm2233]

Some backstory: My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 1/2 years and we have been through a lot together. We met in high school (my senior year), dated long distance when I was 9 hours away for a semester, then I transferred back home, and we have been dating long distance with him an hour away ever since then. Last summer we broke up for about 3 months due to arguing and having trouble with long distance, but we have been back together for about a year and things have been going really great.

Some of our hardest times occurred while I was away at school - 9 hours away. I wanted to experience being single in college so I told him I wanted to break up when I left for school. We technically were broken up, but we continued to text and talk every day. In this time period both of us had sex with other people (while technically broken up) and that was really difficult for both of us, so we decided to get back together. A few weeks after we were official again, I went out with some friends and we ended up going back to our friend (this guys) room. Eventually everyone else left and my friend (this guy) kept asking me to have sex with him. I had no intention to have sex with him and I kept telling him I had a boyfriend and I didn't want to, but he wouldn't stop so eventually I gave in. It only lasted like maybe 30sec before I really stopped him and went home feeling really embarrassed and confused. Keep in mind this happened about 3 years ago.

Fast forward to now, my boyfriend and I are finally in a great spot in our relationship. We broke up last summer due to long distance and fighting, and have had a really slow start getting back together and back to where we were before the breakup.

Ever since I kinda had sex with this guy I thought was my friend, I have always been really confused about the situation. I was really nervous because at first I felt like I cheated on my boyfriend, but at the same time I didn't feel like it was totally my fault because I hadn't wanted to have sex with him. I basically just pushed the whole thing to the back of my mind to pretend like it didnt happen and I never told anyone it happened. Since everything has been going on in the media with the Supreme court justice sexual assault stuff, I have been thinking a lot about what happened to me and feel like it was sexual assault. Even though so many women go through stuff 100 times worse than I did. So 2 nights ago my boyfriend and I were drinking and in my bed the topic of sexual assault came up. So I told him this story that happened 3 years ago. I definitely feel bad for not telling him sooner, but it was something I kept in the back of my mind - barely thinking about it. After he processed everything I told him, the next night he sent me a really long text about how he's sorry it happened to me but he's heartbroken that I never told him and that he's lost all his trust in me and he doesnt look at me the same way anymore. I never initially told him because we had just gotten back together after a rough patch and I didnt think we would be able to get through that too. I was selfish. I apologized a ton and told him I was wrong and even though I never told him, it happened so long ago. But he's really really upset and this has potential to be a dealbreaker for him. I told him Im sorry and that I want to give him space to sort through his thoughts and that I want to work things out. But I just don't know what else I can do

[Brett]

This is definitely going to make any guy lost trust in his girlfriend. However, I'll advice you apologize to him and then give him space. That means, you must cut off all communication with him and give him space. This will help him think things through and eventually want you back,

[dogmomm2233]

Thanks for your response, and yeah I am giving him space right now. We haven't talked for 2 days, do you know how long this should last? Should I just wait for him to contact me? We had plans for me to visit him at school this weekend but I am kinda planning on not going and not saying anything until he reaches out. I definitely want to give hime enough space

[Elizabeth]

You apologize and apologize and all it seems to get you are more questions and less and less trust. In fact, your boyfriend might either act like you need to tell him what you're doing every second of every day, or he might even be telling you that he doesn't know if he can ever trust you again. If you cheated on your boyfriend and you want him to forgive you, what should you do?

1. You have to work with your boyfriend's feelings. Even if he doesn't express them, just the fact that he is questioning your whereabouts or tells you he doesn't trust you means that he still needs to work through his feelings about what happened. Obviously it will take some time for you to earn back his trust, but try to be as patient as possible and put yourself in his shoes.

2. Don't expect things to change overnight, but don't let him mistreat you either. It is fine to tell him where you are going, or who you are talking to or texting on your cell phone. But if it turns into an abusive or controlling situation, put your foot down. Think of what you would want out of your boyfriend if he had cheated on you instead, but don't grovel or continue to apologize for the rest of your life for something you know deep down you will never do again.

3. Instead of continuously apologizing to get your boyfriend to forgive you for cheating, try an apology letter. Make it short and to the point (don't go on and on for 20 pages, say what you want to say and don't recount all of the gory details). Tell him that you understand what you did, that you understand why he feels the way he does, and that because you are sorry you are willing to do almost anything to make it up to him. Then let it go. Let your apology stand, and show your boyfriend you're sorry, instead of telling him every moment of every day.

[Cwalkerlews]

I have went through something similar to this after 10 years my girl dad died in our relationship went all sorts of wrong and she cheated on me. The main thing that has to happen is he has to be able to let go of the past and forgive. People have the wrong conception when it comes to forgive and forget they always say forgive but don’t forget they’re not meaning don’t forget the actions that was taken. Their meaning don’t forget the way they made you feel when them actions were done toward you on the inside and always remember what it did to you that way you don’t do it to someone else or they don’t do it to you again. The problem with today’s relationships is people don’t wanna work through the problems because they have choices a choice to date someone else a choice to MoveOn or etc. people have found that it is a lot easier to just give up now days then it is to work on something but that’s where the true love and passion comes in if they’re willing to work through something