Rebound relationship

[Jameslee]

My ex is now dating someone new after 2 months we broke up.and its killing me.we live together for 3 years

[Ella]

So first let us define a rebound relationship so we know where we are starting from. A rebound relationship is simply one where they are striving to get over the break-up with ex boyfriend or girlfriend and even more seriously a wife or husband and using the new partner as an emotional support. Whether the new relationship is, or may turn into real love is questionable. They are using the new partner to keep the emotions of the break-up away or lessen their impact. What they do not realise is that they are forging a very complex situation and storing up a raft of even more wrenching emotions. They will be blind to this and will unconsciously see the new partner as a panacea to all that is wrong with them, relationship wise.

It makes no difference whatever the events leading up to the break-up were. Whether you perceive it as your fault or your ex partner does; whether you put an end to the relationship on what seemed good grounds at the time. A minor argument may have escalated into an entrenched position on one or both sides. If there is an underlying mutual respect and real love, then there is hope.

The fact that they have entered into an almost throw away relationship to deal with the pain of losing you, is the crucial pointer on the path to getting your partner back with you. You have no need to despair that the situation is finished as all the odds are on your side. The fact that they have entered into a rebound relationship, voluntarily or otherwise, is probably a sign that she or he is still in love with you. Sometimes the new relationship will cause them untold heartache as they are torn between the new partner and a strong longing for you. This struggle can manifest itself in many ways sometimes seemingly making your ex partner irrational. So what practical steps can you take to rekindle and nurture the relationship with your ex partner?

You must let them naturally discover that you are the love of their life which nothing or no-one can replace. This may take a while but all the time they are in the new relationship and not moving on there exists some stability as a base for rational thought. What you must avoid is to trying to convince them you were and are the love of their life. This will be a voyage of self discovery for them on which passengers, even well meaning, are not welcome. As soon as the thought process matures and they make some kind of move you must welcome them back, whilst allowing them to maintain their dignity. Be generous of emotion and show how you have improved.

You will immediately weaken your position if you plead to be taken back based on what existed between you. This can rebound as they may point out all the differences in the new relationship they have and subconsciously come to believe it is better. As they spend more time with the new partner they will start to see the differences and flaws. After a short time the relationship they had with you will start to look much better. When the positive differences become overwhelming they should be able to extricate themselves and run back to you.

To try and win him or her back by continuous apologising will not work. You may think you are chipping away at the rock of difference, but you are just weakening the foundations of the relationship. If you did do something wrong clear the air at an appropriate time and apologise once and once only. They will accept this whereas trying to reinforce it may plant a seed of doubt. Even worse do not shower them with material gifts as this may sow an even bigger seed.

Trying to convince an ex partner that it was not you fault may lead them to an erroneous conclusion that they were to blame. Time will prove what the real situation was and both your parts in it.

If you intend to change, which must be the whole basis for the reconciliation, do not make hollow promises. Remember that they once fell in love with you based on what they saw then so a radical redesign of your life may be too much for them to handle and may be very difficult for you to maintain.

Look carefully at the new relationship and dissect it almost to the clinical level. This may take a short time as you amass the new partner's characteristics by chat from mutual friends and direct observation if possible. Many rebound relationships start with a mutual acquaintance such as in the workplace or a club, so this is an ideal opportunity to observe and note.

Be careful here as sometimes the rebound can be so powerful that a direct opposite is plucked from the crowd just to prove a point. This should be immediately apparent as the differences will be so major in many respects as to give you a red flashing warning and can be discounted. If you were a librarian type the new partner may be a book burner. In this case the vast differences can help in them coming to terms with the good relationship they had with you.

Your ex partner's attention will still be focused on you even though you may not be able to see it. They are quietly focusing on the differences whether they realise it or not. This will work in a very positive way as it keeps you fresh in their mind as they come to terms with the situation.

The character and manner of the new partner sometimes will give you priceless information so don't cut yourself off. Be assured that you ex partner will be doing due diligence on the comparison in parallel. You almost have a roadmap of self improvement here, all you have to do is to navigate the well mapped road to loving contentment. The new partner will invariable have some characteristics that were perceived as missing in your relationship, so use the time you are apart to improve yourself but still retain your core beliefs, manner and characteristics. Some modification is allowed but not to the extent of becoming false. Change is necessary but not at the expense of an unsettled life.

[Scot]

There's actually a good side to your ex flitting off to a rebound relationship. These fleeting romances are usually used as a way to move on from the true love they've just lost. It's a way to avoid the emotions of a real relationship. And herein lies the key to getting your ex back and making the relationship work again after a rebound:

If your ex has run to a rebound, then you have to realize that they are actually trying to avoid dealing with the pain of losing you.

Sounds a little better when you look at it that way doesn't it? Well, it's absolutely true.

At the end of the day, it doesn't even matter why your ex lost you or if the fault was yours or theirs. It doesn't even matter who made the final decision to end it. The only thing that's important is that there is true love between you.

Almost all relationships that are based on true love can be saved and are very much worth saving.

If your ex is in a rebound relationship, then they're probably trying to counter exactly what they perceive to be the problem in your former relationship. This is why you so often see girls who just broke up with a sweet, loving guy run off with some tattooed bad boy. (Or vice versa.)

Here's why this is actually good news:

If your ex is concentrating on the differences between you and this new person, they're actually still focusing on you, and actually giving you a chance to see exactly what it is they're looking for.

You can actually use this opportunity to figure out what your ex might feel is missing from your relationship and is seeking out in this new one. And use the time apart to improve upon yourself in a favorable way.

A rebound relationship is destined to end. That's just the nature of it. Your ex will eventually begin to see the flaws in this new person and remember the things about you that they once fell in love with and now are beginning to miss.

Rather than crawling back to your ex quickly after the breakup, just let the rebound relationship go through its short cycle and then let your ex come to you. Don't be the one to chase them. You can follow these 5 steps to get your ex back and save the relationship even if your ex is in a rebound relationship:

1. Don't try to convince your ex that you're the only one for them. Let them figure that out for themselves.

2. Don't over-apologize. If you truly are at fault for something, say you're sorry. Then move on. Your ex doesn't need to be reminded again.

3. Don't promise your ex that you are going to evolve into something you're not. They fell in love with the real you, flaws and all. Compromise is great. Changing who you are is not what anyone should want.

4. Don't try to convince your ex that nothing was your fault. Don't be defensive. Don't fight. As the smoke clears, you'll both come around to what truly matters: that you love each other.

5. Do not, under any circumstances, beg for your ex to take you back. Sometimes it's tempting. Do not beg.

If your ex is seeing someone in a rebound, you should actually try to use it to your advantage by jumping on the opportunity to learn more about your relationship in order to actually save your relationship and get your ex back. Remember that a rebound is actually a surefire sign that your ex is still in love with you

Bonus Tip: STOP listening to what that negative voice in your head has to say. It IS possible to save your relationship and with a little action, there's nobody that can't. If you're meant to be together, you WILL be together. Do not be convinced otherwise.

[Cwalkerlews]

Awesome advice going through something similar to that but a 10 year relationship