Apparently he wants to be just friends...

[positivelove13]

Hi, I need advice because I cant move on from this guy ( my decision) even THOUGH I want to and tried for a year. We started going out april of last year, and become exclusive. He seriously swipe my feet, was so kind, so sweet, wanted to spend a lot of time with me. As I started to know him more, he is diagnosed with severe depression and takes pills but he refuses to go to the doctor again, he is divorced with 2 kids of different woman, and he is 13 years older than me. As three months of seriosly happiness he started taking steps back, he become silent, more occupied ( and I understand it he has three jobs and works on call because of his job) , we had a fight because I wanted to spend more time together, and he said he needed some days of space. As those days of space passed he called me asked me out we went to the movies as nothing happened.... until the end of the night when he said he couldnt do it anymore he wasnt ready for a serious relationship and wanted to be alone for a while ( he was recently divorced for a year)..... we broke up and I seriously started calling him a lot, asking him out, and got rejected lots of time. When I saw him at work he was rude, yelling if I didnt do something right.... And I had enough I sent him a message telling him I didnt deserved that , that all i wanted was to be happy with him and I asked please that he didnt reply, he didnt. 2 months passed by I saw him from time to time, and I was having a bad time but I was getting ok, I found my self AGAIN, started painting, I STARTED ENJOYING MYSELF again.... until I saw him and He said hi, how are you .. I was rude I have to addmit it I only smiled and I left. He sent me a text message that night saying how sorry he was, he felt strange seeing me... and He understood my actions. He talked to my friend asking why i was so mad later... I didnt understood it... He called me again, we saw each other I talked to him as nothign happened... and we started going out again in october of last year and I was so happy , he said he still didnt want a serious relationship, he enjoys being a lone and dont want the pressure, until I said I was fine with that... things were fine , not great, he was low key with me , we went out have so much fun, I OBVIOSLY WAS IN LOVE AGAIN, until I met his parents her daugher, and thought hey this most be serious..... and started to getting more attached.

we broke up again in january and he says he is going to regret it but he cant give me what I want, he is a loner that was his answer... Later that January I sent a message saying I hope we could be friends one day he says sure, I DIDNT WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND.... I left the work where I used to be with him, and gone to another, february passed he sent me a message I ignored... march passed he stills sends memes, and stuff and He calls from time to time to catch up. until april of this yeart he said he was so sorry I was so good to him, no one makes him laugh as I do and He asked if I was seeing someone and I said yes.. It was true I met someone and I was chill and relax about that, I didnt want anything to rush or anything, he started crying on the phone And I told him that I was happy He said his ego was shattered and he was not fine with that but he still loves me. He went silent....until June I asked him to see him about some problems I had aand we had a lot of fun, and we still talked like before as we were a couple that was weird... later we talked about our life, everything and saw each time later other month, until recently I thought boy.. i love him, icant move on.... even though Im dating some one else... IM WAITING FOR HIM TO CHANGE HIS MIND AND BE WITH ME. a month ago I talked to him saying him I was seeing him beause i thoughtsomething would happen with us in the future, And recently I decided it was not right for me, Im living in a dream where he onlhy wants to be my friend and be with him when he wants to in love kind of way, he said I UNDERSTAND HOW MUST DIFFICULT SAYING THIS WAS TO YOU.. I DONT WANT TO BE WITH ANYONE RIGHT NOW..... he called , didnt answer, sent messages didnt answer.... he called my best friend yesterday saying whats up with me ... that he didnt understand me...
I dont know what to do. I havent cut my no contact almost a month but im still heartbroken As if was yesteday AND IM STRINGING A LONG A GUY I DO CARE I DO START TO LOVE BUT NOT ENOUGH.

[Richard]

There's an old, cheesy saying that when your ex lover wants to be friends with you after a breakup, it's either he's still in love with you or he was never in love with you to begin with. While this makes the situation even more complicated and could leave you more confused, there are a number of well-received reasons in society - to which men admit as well - that explain why your former lover would want to keep the ties: this time not with love, but with friendship.

He's not ready to let go.

But he's not ready to jump back into the relationship you two just ended either. He's still in love with you, but he needs a break. But he's not entirely sure if a permanent break would be what he really wants. He wants to keep the communications open, to see you occasionally, and to keep you in his life because he's just not quite ready to let you go. When an ex boyfriend wants to be friends because he's not ready to let you go, you have to be careful. Because you two obviously had reasons for ending the relationship. Being friends (which is, in post-breakup vocabulary, only means the same relationship without the benefit of physical intimacy) can be dangerous territory. Remember that as friends, there is no commitment. And so he can pretty much catch up with you every now and then, be the same sweet guy that he is, and have you falling for him even more deeply, only leave you in the end because the friendship wasn't working for him either. It could be the other way around, of course. It can nurture the bond you two share and actually lead back to a reconciliation.

He's keeping you for casual encounters.

Men can be cruel, we all know that---especially when what they want is sex and just sex. If your relationship ended without a third party, it might take a while for your ex to find a suitable rebound girl. While some men are comfortable paying for sexual services, others are not---and these select males would rather resort to sustaining sexual relations with an ex for many reasons: familiarity, trust, an established bond, pleasure. When an ex boyfriend wants to be friends, you can be positive and think that maybe he is sincere with his approach. But also keep an eye open. He could want to be friends so that he can continue sleeping with you. In that case, your ex is not looking for a simple friend in you. He wants a friend with benefits.

He really does see you as a friend now.

Relating back to the cheesy statement mentioned earlier, your ex boyfriend may not have been in love with you from the very beginning. And because he was never in love with you, it will be easy for him to maintain that level of connection. He feels comfortable having you in his life without the complication of a messy relationship and the demands of commitment and dating. Since he does enjoy your company perhaps, or he truly sees you as a friend that he would love to be a part of his life, then your ex boyfriend would really propose friendship after your relationship dies. In any case, you have to truly consider your ex's personality, use whatever knowledge you have on his background and personality, and listen to your gut: when an ex boyfriend wants to be friends, it could mean a lot of things. Do not be blind to the signs. Keep your heart open, but your eyes more even.

[Tina]

Friends to lovers? Sure. That does happen. In a moment of weakness, you'll give in and sleep with your ex boyfriend. And you know what? It'll be great, too. You'll have missed each other both physically and emotionally, and it'll be some of the best sex the two of you have ever had.

But then you wake up the next day, your ex is gone. Your phone doesn't ring, your email inbox is empty, and there are no messages left for you. At this point you've given your ex boyfriend everything: companionship, friendship, a person to talk to... and now sex, too. He has everything he had during your relationship together, without the pressure of screwing it up. After all, he's not your boyfriend. He doesn't have to call, or stop by, or even remain loyal to you. He's just a single guy - a friend with benefits - someone who's hanging and laughing and sleeping with you. But in the end, you're left alone where it really counts.

Ironically, you'll read lots of advice out there about how to "successfully" be friends with your ex boyfriend. These guides don't mention the awkwardness and jealousy you'll feel once your ex starts moving on with a life that doesn't include you in it. They don't mention you sitting home alone while he's out having a great time with new people. They don't talk about how you'll slowly drift apart as your ex starts dating someone else - someone who keeps him as far away from your as possible.

Getting an ex boyfriend back requires a lot more than friendship. It requires an actual effort made on your part, and a plan of attack. You can definitely get you boyfriend back after breaking up... but you can't do it while trapped in the role of his platonic friend. Instead, you need to break off such a friendship and start working toward winning your ex back as a girlfriend, a lover, and a romantic interest - not as his buddy.

There are ways of working your way back into your boyfriend's heart again, but none of them have anything to do with staying friends. There are techniques for reinserting yourself back in his life again, and for changing the way your ex boyfriend currently looks at you. By reversing his thinking, you can actually get him interested in dating you again - as a real girlfriend, and not just as someone cool to hang out with. But none of these methods can be worked from an angle of friendship.