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My boyfriend and I have been dating over a year now and I would say that our relationship is very strong and it has been very fun and exciting, etc as any new relationship would. He has two kids from a previous marriage which I spend a lot of time with and we get along great. He and his ex split 5 years ago but stayed married for personal/financial reasons. My boyfriend tries to reassure me that there is nothing there, however I beg to differ...
I noticed early on that they were too close - texting fairly frequently, often not about the kids, still being tied together financially, still sharing a lot of things, basically acting like husband and wife but living separated. She has a boyfriend btw so she doesn’t need my bf to be at her beck and call. Once I came into the picture, she became hell for him. She hates me for no reason, we don’t know each other. There’s a lot of drama with her but he does his best to try to leave me out of it.
Long story short, I asked him if he was going to divorce her because I can’t see our relationship progressing if he stays married. He tells me yes and that it’s been a long time coming and he needs closure. This is where I’m going to look like the bad guy... I have had my doubts with his feelings because of their behavior, he gives me a vibe that he just can’t let go. I have communicated my concerns and I just felt like he might be telling me what I want to hear. He has given me permission to look at his phone before but I recently looked at text between them from a few months ago that he doesn’t know about. He’s expressing to her how the divorce still makes him sad, then a few days later she’s thanking him for a small gift. They are still sharing text back and forth that is not kid related when I already told him I’m uncomfortable with them just talking because she’s trying to break us up anyway. Then he’s frequently searching her on Facebook, while at the same time she’s been having all these crazy demands and making his life hell.
I just don’t understand it, it makes me want to tell him to get his priorities straight and leave him but I love him and I’m trying to be there for him while he goes through this at the same time. I also feel wrong confronting him and admitting I looked at his text and Facebook. I only looked to see their convo though, I trust him in general with other women. I needed reassurance that I was wrong about them but I didn’t really get that. This whole thing is making me feel like my feelings are on the back burner, and I’m not sure what to do. This is only summing up some of the bs too, I don’t want to go on and on but hoping someone can offer advice. I don’t want to go on feeling like second best to her.
I noticed early on that they were too close - texting fairly frequently, often not about the kids, still being tied together financially, still sharing a lot of things, basically acting like husband and wife but living separated. She has a boyfriend btw so she doesn’t need my bf to be at her beck and call. Once I came into the picture, she became hell for him. She hates me for no reason, we don’t know each other. There’s a lot of drama with her but he does his best to try to leave me out of it.
Long story short, I asked him if he was going to divorce her because I can’t see our relationship progressing if he stays married. He tells me yes and that it’s been a long time coming and he needs closure. This is where I’m going to look like the bad guy... I have had my doubts with his feelings because of their behavior, he gives me a vibe that he just can’t let go. I have communicated my concerns and I just felt like he might be telling me what I want to hear. He has given me permission to look at his phone before but I recently looked at text between them from a few months ago that he doesn’t know about. He’s expressing to her how the divorce still makes him sad, then a few days later she’s thanking him for a small gift. They are still sharing text back and forth that is not kid related when I already told him I’m uncomfortable with them just talking because she’s trying to break us up anyway. Then he’s frequently searching her on Facebook, while at the same time she’s been having all these crazy demands and making his life hell.
I just don’t understand it, it makes me want to tell him to get his priorities straight and leave him but I love him and I’m trying to be there for him while he goes through this at the same time. I also feel wrong confronting him and admitting I looked at his text and Facebook. I only looked to see their convo though, I trust him in general with other women. I needed reassurance that I was wrong about them but I didn’t really get that. This whole thing is making me feel like my feelings are on the back burner, and I’m not sure what to do. This is only summing up some of the bs too, I don’t want to go on and on but hoping someone can offer advice. I don’t want to go on feeling like second best to her.
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