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My ex still checks up on me.
Getting over this break-up slowly. Some days are harder than others but overall, I've been more in a better place, and I feel my spirits are lifted. I feel liberated and inspired and I haven't felt like that...ever....I guess it's because I've lived my life according to others. In my relationships, I compromised too much and really lost sight of myself. It subjected me to abuse.
I think I have suppressed myself for too long and now that I am alone, I see the world differently. I no longer live under relationship terms/conditons which is kind of nice. I have a consistent schedule while feeling in control of my overall health. I am productive, inspired, and I know I don't need a guy to make me happy.
I think in my past relationships/friendships, I assumed the role of being non-confrontational. I buried my feelings till I exploded through passive aggressions. I think I've gotten better over time.
One thing that controlled me was fear of losing my friends/relationship because I obsessed over the idea of having lifelong friends/childhood love. Oh how the media gives such false expectations. It made it harder when your parents are old school and reinforced the idea that every women goal in life should be to get married.
Honestly exhausted of dating. I don't feel flattered when guys look at me. Lately, I feel disgusted and I'm still trying to understand why. I still try to go on dates, but honestly, I never felt so unmotivated and even bored to pursue a guy. There is also something really annoying about my generation which is seeing how quick relationships start then end. It disgust me how disposable people can be..
But, there doesn't ever come a day though when I still think about him at least once. There are times I still feel sad. I especially feel sad when I remember the memories I had with my ex before he turned into this complete stranger.
Every time he randomly texts me, I can feel myself flinch like someone is about to hit me. He feels like a stranger to me because all I remember now was how cruel he became over time.
I don't think I am a victim anymore. I know what I felt was real. I genuinely loved him, and in some way still care about his well-being and kind of wish that he doesn't completely see me as this horrible, weak person as his makes me out to be.
He is the one that ended it. Told me he didn't love me anymore. Why would he text me in such a casual way? I can't help but feel angry and resentment for all the pain he inflicted, and have no trace of remorse. Not sure if interacting with him will hinder my path to success and positivity...
I want to believe we can be friends, but I believe a true friend wouldn't say hurtful, belittling things about you no matter how much they claim their intentions are good. Most importantly, I don't think that when you open your heart, it gives anyone the right to trample on it just because they're mad. I don't believe if you truly love someone, you would even have the audacity to be relentlessly hurtful and not feel bad about it.
I wonder if deep down he ever truly considers the extent I went for him? I don’t think he notices because I compromised myself so much that I don’t exist? Or he simply takes it for granted. I made my mistakes. We fought, we talked about it, he still holds a grudge. His anger intimidated me and suddenly I feel like I am in this compromising position. I hate that I let this effect me every time. I wish I was stronger, fought back, walked out, and said fuck you. That is the real me. I know that side of me is real. I envision her all the time. I saw her when I was a child. That girl doesn’t put up with bullshit.
I no longer believe that your upbringing/circumstances define you. It’s how you open your heart to the outside world and how you respond to it.
Right now, I strangely enjoy my moments of silence. I feel at peace with myself.
I think I have suppressed myself for too long and now that I am alone, I see the world differently. I no longer live under relationship terms/conditons which is kind of nice. I have a consistent schedule while feeling in control of my overall health. I am productive, inspired, and I know I don't need a guy to make me happy.
I think in my past relationships/friendships, I assumed the role of being non-confrontational. I buried my feelings till I exploded through passive aggressions. I think I've gotten better over time.
One thing that controlled me was fear of losing my friends/relationship because I obsessed over the idea of having lifelong friends/childhood love. Oh how the media gives such false expectations. It made it harder when your parents are old school and reinforced the idea that every women goal in life should be to get married.
Honestly exhausted of dating. I don't feel flattered when guys look at me. Lately, I feel disgusted and I'm still trying to understand why. I still try to go on dates, but honestly, I never felt so unmotivated and even bored to pursue a guy. There is also something really annoying about my generation which is seeing how quick relationships start then end. It disgust me how disposable people can be..
But, there doesn't ever come a day though when I still think about him at least once. There are times I still feel sad. I especially feel sad when I remember the memories I had with my ex before he turned into this complete stranger.
Every time he randomly texts me, I can feel myself flinch like someone is about to hit me. He feels like a stranger to me because all I remember now was how cruel he became over time.
I don't think I am a victim anymore. I know what I felt was real. I genuinely loved him, and in some way still care about his well-being and kind of wish that he doesn't completely see me as this horrible, weak person as his makes me out to be.
He is the one that ended it. Told me he didn't love me anymore. Why would he text me in such a casual way? I can't help but feel angry and resentment for all the pain he inflicted, and have no trace of remorse. Not sure if interacting with him will hinder my path to success and positivity...
I want to believe we can be friends, but I believe a true friend wouldn't say hurtful, belittling things about you no matter how much they claim their intentions are good. Most importantly, I don't think that when you open your heart, it gives anyone the right to trample on it just because they're mad. I don't believe if you truly love someone, you would even have the audacity to be relentlessly hurtful and not feel bad about it.
I wonder if deep down he ever truly considers the extent I went for him? I don’t think he notices because I compromised myself so much that I don’t exist? Or he simply takes it for granted. I made my mistakes. We fought, we talked about it, he still holds a grudge. His anger intimidated me and suddenly I feel like I am in this compromising position. I hate that I let this effect me every time. I wish I was stronger, fought back, walked out, and said fuck you. That is the real me. I know that side of me is real. I envision her all the time. I saw her when I was a child. That girl doesn’t put up with bullshit.
I no longer believe that your upbringing/circumstances define you. It’s how you open your heart to the outside world and how you respond to it.
Right now, I strangely enjoy my moments of silence. I feel at peace with myself.
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