Husband ending 18 years marriage for another women

[riva]

Share a different perspective

I got the verdict from my husband while I was in my sister's house the day after Christmas, not one tear on video conversation. I kind of felt it for the last 2 months, I have already cried for his departure.

18 year absolute devotion, I know him very well in one way, but still shocked in other ways. It's strange feeling, pain, but I am not angry. We only spend a few hours during a long journey back from capital airport to our little small home in the remote island after the shocking conversation online, and he left to start his new life with another woman in a new country next morning.

It's complicated, our 18 years marriage is almost like normal 60 years marriage, we do everything together, holiday, visit places/family, even work together. we probably only had 1 year apart in the last 18 years. Only time I ever thought could be end of our marriage was because he decide to move out a place I loved, but I decide to follow him after I thought through that his love is more important than stay in a place that I called spiritual home.

I am happy that our marriage didn't end in doubt, was in the best that I can imaging. I am sure there are other women felt same way as me.

Listening to how he falling love for her on a trip we travelled together in Oct, and how she was here for a few days while I was away during Christmas have certainly helped him to make this decision. I feel pain that how he done this, but same time, seeing him truly happy I am actually really happy for him, not jealous but blessing is all I can give.

I remember that I have told him a month ago that he is only one I care about and attach to, now knowing that he seems strong and do not need my support as much, I feel happy for him, to know that I do not need to worry about him is good in the event of my death. I have some suspicious in the last 2 months, but I decide to trust him and gave him plenty of space. So little did I know was because he is in contact with another women made him seems strong and distant from me.

I know the last 18 years has been some ups and downs, but our commitment and love were there, of course, life become too normal in the recent years, we didn't move houses anymore, repeat doing same things everyday; isolation in the remote island without family and friends, running a small business together took away the romance. It's nature for him to feel excited when first female in our age group appeared open for love - a new passionate life for both of them.

How he handled this, I still not quiet sure. If I was another woman, I will not dated him as I would doubt his honesty and integrity; but same time as a wife of 18 years, I thank him for the support and love he provided. I can only say, I know that 18 years was real and I would not be who I am today without him. Divorce bring worse in people sometimes, but seems we are doing well, we don't have a lot of money so finances is easy to split, he left without any attachment, and I truly wish him long term happiness with this woman. And we are going to work together to run a few trips together this year, will have to see how that goes.

I never understood how ex become good friend, now it looks like we can be good friends and at least a few more months business partner as well.

I am not a native English speaker but English has became my expressive language, so apologise for my simple language.

[Nicolas]

If you don't wish to get back together with him, then being friends with him is a good idea. However, being friends with him when you still wish to be with him is a big mistake.

[Judith]

Unfortunately, in our modern day and age with the huge rise in affairs, more and more women are unsure of their husband's presence in their marriage.

Many times, you won't even know why he left...Simply that he found another woman and that she seems to have stolen him away.

Has YOUR husband left you?

If so, my sympathies go out to you for accepting the pain and suffering. Once your partner leaves you, it shakes the base of your marital relationship and your soul. Your whole existence faces the battle between your emotions and your practical thoughts. You just become too perplexed, not knowing what to choose and what not to choose.

Don't feel remorse and follow the advice explained below. These advices will surely help you to recover your marriage instead of breaking up.

"My Husband Left Me For Another Woman" - What to Do When This is You:

• If you don't understand the reason that your husband left, it could be that he intends to come back, but that he left for some reason you haven't figured out yet. Don't always assume the worst! He hasn't given any clear indication that he is breaking the marriage vows with you. So you get a hope here.
• Think in an optimistic way; don't give up your hope and trust.
• He may not have left you as suddenly as you think. He may have given you some indication before, even if you didn't know it at the time. Try to find out the core problem so you can try to solve it.
• If it's nothing more than he's leaving you for another woman, then I suggest finding some alone time and really thinking about what you want to do, and if you even want him back.
• If you do, Gradually increase your communication with him. Discuss about his likes, dislikes.
• Give importance to his presence in the house and in your relationship.
• Shower him with love, affection, admiration and dedication.
• Do not discuss much about his external affair with some one...Try and keep it between you, your husband, and perhaps a close friend or two, maybe a therapist. Don't spread gossip!
• Make sure that you hear out everything he has to say.
• If he avoids speaking about the affair, do NOT force him. If you repeatedly force him then he will not tell you anything frankly. Rather he will become too irritated and will either lie or leave, neither of which we want.
• While nothing is your fault right now, you should be receptive to criticism from your husband if you really want to save the relationship.

Remember that your ultimate goal is to forgive and forget his fault. Look forward to a happy life.

Perhaps the biggest tip I can give you is to always remember the 3 phases to healing after an affair

Phase 1 - Heal Yourself

Phase 2 - Heal the Relationship

Phase 3 - Heal the Marriage

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then it's highly recommended that you take some time to read through my CATCH affair action plan; step 5 is completely devoted to

[Lmk75]

Men and women can't be friends. Personal experience. Maybe at work only. But someone always falls in love. Love STINKS!!!! Let him Sink. You deserve someone better. He will replace her just as fast.