Do I have a chance of getting him back?

[mtp]

My ex bf and I were really close friends before we started dating. I was hesitant about starting a relationship at first bc we were about to go study abroad in different countries for 2 months, but he pushed for it saying that we'd make it work. And we did, but I think my initial reluctance & the fact that I don't show a lot of affection made him insecure because he often asked me where the relationship was going, what he meant to me, etc. but I never really reassured him of my feelings. After 8 months he called for break bc he felt like his feelings were one-sided, I only saw him as a friend & some time apart would be good. I agreed but later decided that an indefinite break could get too messy, so we broke up. He wanted to remain friends like before (he could hang out & come over to my place bc he still enjoyed my company). But then 1 week later he said to cut contact & stop talking so I deleted him from all social media.

1 month later, we bumped into each other at a mutual friend's party. I knew that he was watching me throughout the night but pretended not to see. At the end of the night, he kept calling my name to get my attention even when I tried to ignore him to make sure I had a safe ride home because I didn't have my glasses with me. He knew I didn't drink & my eyesight isn't that bad especially since I lived 5 minutes away.

2 more months passed & now we see each other every week because our works are collaborating. I broke the silence after one meeting. We grabbed dinner, caught up, joked around, teased each other like old times. He was still emotionally open & unguarded with me. I told him that i was planning a trip to Asia & he said to ask him if I had questions because he did it before. Then we ran into some of my friends & hung out w/ them for a while & he would speak for me or mention inside jokes & made it obvious to them that we had a history. When he dropped me off, he told me it was nice talking to me again, asked if I were doing ok ("yes"), and said that we should catch up again, I got nervous & just said "uh" so he backpedaled & said "oh maybe not". But I felt bad so I fb messaged him 2 weeks later to see if we could meet up & cause i had questions about the trip but he didn't reply. But then at the next meeting a week later, he came up to me & asked how the trip planning was & talked to me about it.

I took the last 4 months after the breakup to heal, move on, and have fun with my life. But working together & talking to him again bring the feelings back. I think that I can show my affection better and want to give the relationship another try. Do I still have a chance? I'm confused because first he wanted to be friends then went cold & cut contact & told me to stop talking but then went out of his way to talk to me. Then didn't reply to my message but talk about it in person.

[Richard]

"I work with my ex boyfriend," is never an easy thing to say. Admitting that you feel trapped within the working relationship is actually a good thing. Some women plant their heels firmly into the invisible sand and declare that they aren't going to keep working with their ex so he has to leave and find new employment. If you've already tried doing this you know it won't work. If you admit to yourself that working with him is painful, you'll then be able to equip yourself with the emotional tools you need to get through each day. You can even conquer this to the point that his presence doesn't affect you at all.

Begin by acknowledging that you two had a relationship. If you pretend that he's just another co-worker you're not going to fool yourself. Admit to yourself that you had deep feelings for him and that those feelings caused pain when you two did break up. If you refuse to admit that you felt anything and you try constantly to convince yourself that his presence in your workplace means nothing to you, you won't be winning any battles. Instead, look at him, embrace what he meant to you and accept that the romantic part of your relationship is over now and you two are solely co-workers.

Talk to him about any loose ends that may be floating between the two of you. If you ended the relationship with a huge argument, now is the time to clear the air. Resentment can very easily creep into your working dynamic and others will notice it. If you don't want your situation at work compromised, you must learn how to handle any issues that are still causing friction between you and your ex. Have this discussion outside of the work environment. I wouldn't recommend asking your ex out for dinner as this can easily be misinterpreted as a date. Instead, suggest a coffee during your lunch break or at the end of the day. Be clear when you do talk to him about any lingering problems between you two. Just explain that you recognize how important his job is as well as your job and you'd like him to help you work towards a resolution so there aren't any bad feelings between the two of you that might impact your performance at work.

It's also a good idea to try and steer clear of any conversations he may be having publicly about his current dating life. This can be hurtful, even if you feel that you've moved forward and away from the break up. It's best not to tempt fate by finding yourself in the middle of a water cooler discussion about how great his new girlfriend is. Keep to yourself at work, and your ex boyfriend will soon become just another guy you see at work.

[Shirley]

If your ex boyfriend is confusing you, you really need to sit down and think about where that confusion is coming from. If he's been coming back around more and more yet tells you that he's not ready to get back together, pay more attention to his actions than his words. Everyone is wary of getting back with an ex as it leaves you feel very vulnerable and exposed. Your ex is the person who knows the best and the worst about you and if you come to them and say you want another chance, you do risk being rejected. That's exactly what your boyfriend is feeling right now so he's testing the waters before he dives in. He's attempting to spend time with you while at the same time he's saying he doesn't want anything more than that for now. Don't push him.

One of the best things a woman can do when she's dealing with a mixed up ex is create her own distance. If you continue to listen to him sending you mixed signals, you're just going to be hurt again and again. The advice you need to be following right now is to focus on your own life and let him do what he needs to do. Don't read too much into his voicemail messages and don't chase after him if he hasn't called in a few days. Instead, try and forget about him for a few weeks. Go about doing your own thing and let him work through his confusion. If he senses that you're not going to play into his games, he'll stop. That's when he'll come clean about what he's feeling and what he wants from you.

[Gray]

So what are the things that you need to consider before attempting reconciliation?

What happened around the breakup will greatly affect your efforts to reconnect successfully, so think about these questions:

Did you give your ex space after the breakup or did you get in his face about it -

When you breakup the first thing that you still want to do is be with them and it can be extremely difficult to go from being fully involved in their lives, to having nothing to do with each other. The best thing to do after splitting from your ex is to give them space to get over the breakup. If you did this with your boyfriend then your chances of getting him back are much better than if you did not give him space. Try to remember how you behaved, and it also depends on how long ago the relationship ended as to what effect that has on your chances.

What was the reason or reasons that the two of you separated?

Analyze your relationship dynamics and think back to the underlying causes of your separation. Was it something you did or he did? If you did something that affected your relationship to the point of breaking, then getting him back may be difficult, but not impossible. If it was something he did then it could be easier to win him back. If it was something that you both decided or drifted into then it is something that you both will need to be willing to try again.

What has your behavior been like since you split up?

Your chances of getting back together are going to be affected in some way by the way you behaved after the breakup. People behave differently after the break-down of their relationship - some stay on friendly terms with each other, some cut off their exes completely, and some still continue to interact with exes but do so in an unkind manner. How you dealt with your ex during this time will affect your chances of getting back together with him.

Are you ready for another relationship in your current circumstances?

Think about what your life is like at the moment, are you willing to make the changes necessary to accommodate a new one-on-one relationship? Would your ex boyfriend look at your life right now and be able to see themselves in it? You may not be ready to be in a committed long-term relationship at this point and this is something worth considering before embarking on reconnecting with your ex.

What about your ex - what is happening for him in his circumstances?

Is he ready for another relationship? How long has it been since he was last in one, or is he in a relationship now? What does he have going on in his life right now? All these questions and their answers can help you work out if now is a good time to try, and whether or not he would be willing to come back to you and give your relationship a second chance.

The answers to these simple questions will help you determine whether or not you have a chance with your ex boyfriend to make another go of a long-term relationship. When thinking about your chances of getting back with ex boyfriends, knowing these answers is critical. The next step is forming a plan and getting the timing right so that you maximize your chances of reconnecting successfully with the love of your life.

[Charles348]

It takes time. Everything is gonna be okay.