My ex was an asshole and the rebound was even worse

[Lorlorfaraj]

Hello

I dated a guy last summer who turned quite mean after the first 4 weeks. Then he broke up with me on my birthday because we had an argument the night before.

I was so upset i cried all day on my birthday and tried to contact him after a few days. He said he could still see me on the conditions that if he is free he will call me to come over. He lived an hour away. Stupide, I agreed. For about 3 months i travelled to his house every weekend. In the end I got so angry why nothing would change and he always told me he can't be my boyfriens, maybe one day he will go back to his home country Iran. His family wouldn't accept me
I was so hurt

I blocked him after a huge argument and didnt speak to him again

I was reallt heart broken and basically found a rebound who was amazing (at the start). So handsome and funny and always complimented me. After 3 weeks he started to be controlling

He would ignore me because he suspected i was hiding something... Then he took my phone ans tried to go through all my messages and wouldn't listen when I told him not to. He did this twice. He then changed my alarm for work ans tried to have sex with me when I woke up and made me late for work. I demanded him to drive me to work because I was so panicked about being late. He drove into the back of someone's car and ruined his car. I hit my head and immediately he wanted me to claim a personal injury claim so that he could have the money to fix his car

He immediately phoned an ambulance and was telling me to say all these lies about my injury. Which I didn't..

After that, every time we argued he would threaten to tell the police I was lying about the claim
In the meantime my ex kept trying to take me out. It's like he realised what an asshole he was but wouldn't admit it. Because the guy i was seeing was being so awful, i decided to go out with my ex. I know it's really messed up!

A few weeks later, I met the "rebound" guy again. We went out for dinner and all night he was winding me up. Talking about how many women he's turned down for me. I got so angry i threw a spoonful of rice at him and walked out the restaurant.

He chased me down the street and threw a wine bottle at me and went to punch me, but someone shouted stop at him. So he stopped.

I called the police and they didn't really do much but I wouldn't let him in my house.

My ex would always call me after something bad happened with ths rebound. I just couldn't go back to that situation with him and i told him i don't want to see him again. It's stopping me meeting the right perso

I think he was only contacting me because he realised noone else wanted him. He told me I havr a small brain and im a cheap person.

I just feel totally shit from the last 9 months. My self esteem is diminished. Just to note both men happen to be refugees from Iran
I dont know how I attracted this twice! Im aware a lot of it is my own fault.

[Dennis]

If you're always thinking about what was and what could have been, then you'll be filled with regret. Regret that things didn't work out, that maybe you should have tried harder, and regret that you let the one you love walk away. The thing is, sometimes you have to let someone walk away. It's best for them - and for you. You shouldn't regret what could have been, because maybe it's never meant to be and you need to accept that.

Memories should remain as memories, they shouldn't be the guide to your emotions and decisions. The first date, the anniversaries - they all belong in the past. Right now, there are more important things to think about - yourself.

How will you survive the breakup if you refuse to let go? Do you honestly believe being engrossed in the past will make you feel better, help you heal?

No, they won't. If you want to move on and move forward, then stop living in the past and start thinking of the present. True, it's not easy to tell yourself to move on, much less will yourself to face the world again. But then again, you don't have to do it at once. Time could be your friend, and no matter what pain you're in now, time will help you heal it.

Grieve and let the tears flow, day by day learn to accept the fact that your ex is not coming back. Tell yourself that maybe it's for the best, it wasn't meant to be and it doesn't mean you're a failure in love and life. It doesn't make you weak; in fact you might even discover how strong you really are.

Think about, you've crashed and burned, your heart was broken but you're still here. Don't you see? You're stronger than you think because the fact that you're still trying to feel better shows you're tough. If you want to know how to move on after a breakup, then don't let the memories hold you back.

[Tina]

This period after a breakup is nerve wrecking but with time will be almost laughable. This time is very important for you and your ex to calm down and determine if you should to be together with your ex at all. You may decide you want him back or just want your ex to want you.

I know you don't want to hear this now but it's true. Just think about the last time you were so upset. You probably forgot why you were upset... My point is, the level of pain of breaking up with your ex will hurt less eventually.

Do You Really Want To Break up?

In the middle of a breakup can be very overwhelming, so don't punish yourself by going back to your ex if pressured. Only if you believe that the break up was a mistake. Don't cave in because of the discomfort of the break up. You will shorten the time to heal and enjoy your life after moving on, if you don't get lured in for the wrong reasons.

Take some time and go somewhere to clear your head and not do something you will regret later. However, you may discover you don't want to be without your ex and can clearly see where a mistake was made. Whatever the outcome, you have to take time to see through calm relaxed eyes.

How To Move On After A Breakup

When getting past a break up you will have to make some adjustments. The gifts and personal belongings may have to be given back or thrown away if they are upsetting. I suggest you placing gifts and pictures in a box out of site for a couple of months until your ready to deal with them without getting upset.

- Stop all contact with ex. No stalking, texting, and unannounced visits.

- If you owe you ex any money or made promises take care of it immediately. You can't move on while you are being harassed.

- Take up a hobby that will keep you distracted and meeting new people.

- Right poetry, music, or write in a journal to express yourself.

- Allow yourself time to grieve privately with a close friend or family member for relief.

- Don't torture yourself with the past. Forgive and move on in order to leave the baggage in the past. If your choice is to break up, then make peace with yourself and your ex in your heart.

Know that your mutual friends and or family may chose who they will hang out with. Don't make friends choose or feel guilty. Just let them know that you don't care to talk about your past relationships and they should respect that decision.

Remember, you may think that this is your breakup, but if you look at your friends and family this is a break up for them too. Don't let this deter you from doing what's right or trying to get your ex to stay for the sake of friends and family.This is not fair to you or your ex.

This process will take time but you like many others will survive. You will be your old secure self again in no time at all. Of course you have to get past the pain now but this is a process. Don't look back go forward and you will begin to move further away from the pain and closer to a new happiness.

Dating After The Breakup

The next time you date you will have new things to talk about from a new perspective of what is right for you. Of course you shouldn't date until you are ready (which may take some time). You don't have to look for a wife or husband now. Just enjoy life and treat people the way you want to be treated.