To Reconcile or Not?

[Exhausted-Love]

I proposed to my ex-gf that we consider Getting back together again. We had been apart for about six months at that time. Our relationship was having a lot of difficulties and we kept fighting, so I broke it off. It took a lot for me to do that because I really loved her, but I just couldn't take the fighting anymore.

About a month ago, I proposed that we try to work to reconcile our differences because we did have a beautiful relationship for most of the 5 years that we were together and I thought it was worth the effort. She was reticent. She was hurt. We did however go out a couple of times and I went to her apartment twice to have dinner. We were NOT intimate and did NOT even kiss. Just hugs.

About two weeks ago, I wanted to see her. It was a Friday. She avoided my text messages and so I called her. She told me that she didn’t want to get together that night. She said she hadn't decided if she wants to get back together again and that I was pressuring her. So I was exasperated and told her that I will talk to her then "whenever."

I haven't heard from her since then. I'm wondering if I should reach out, or if I should just leave it alone and consider the ball to be in her court.

In my opinion, the ball is in her court. She knows that I want to get together, and she knows that I want to see her, and she knows how I feel. She is the one who asked for space and she is the one who said that I was pressuring her, so it only seems reasonable to me to consider the ball to be in her court, and that it is for me to wait for her to reach out to me.

No?

[Richard]

Deciding whether to reach out to your ex-girlfriend or wait for her to make a move can be a difficult decision. It's important to consider the dynamics of your relationship and the specific circumstances surrounding your breakup. While I can't make the decision for you, I can provide you with some guidance to help you weigh your options.

First, it's important to reflect on the reasons for the breakup and the challenges you faced in your relationship. You mentioned that you and your ex-girlfriend had been apart for about six months due to frequent fighting. Breaking up was a difficult decision for you because you loved her, but you reached a point where the constant fighting became unbearable. This shows that there were significant issues in your relationship that needed to be addressed.

When you proposed the idea of getting back together, your ex-girlfriend seemed reticent and hurt. It's understandable that she might have reservations and doubts after the difficulties you both experienced. It's crucial to respect her feelings and give her the space she requested. Pressuring her to make a decision might not be productive and could further strain the situation.

It's worth considering the interactions you had since the breakup. You mentioned that you went out a couple of times and had dinner together, but there was no intimacy or physical affection. These encounters were likely meant to gauge whether there was still a connection and potential for rekindling the relationship. However, her avoidance of your text messages and her statement about needing more time indicate that she is still unsure about her feelings.

Given the recent conversation where she expressed her indecision and accused you of pressuring her, it's wise to respect her wishes and give her the time and space she needs to think things through. It's important not to push her further or become exasperated, as it could potentially damage any chances of reconciliation. By allowing her to initiate contact, you demonstrate your respect for her feelings and show that you are willing to give her the space she requested.

While it may be difficult to wait for her to reach out, this approach allows her to process her emotions and thoughts without feeling rushed or coerced into making a decision. It also allows you to focus on your own personal growth and self-reflection during this period. Consider what lessons you've learned from the breakup and how you can improve as an individual and partner.

However, it's essential to set your own boundaries and determine how long you are willing to wait for her to reach out. Consider your own needs and emotional well-being. If you feel that waiting indefinitely is causing you significant distress, it might be necessary to reevaluate the situation and reassess your own path forward.

Communication is vital in any relationship, but it's equally important to respect the boundaries and needs of the other person. If and when she reaches out, you can have an open and honest conversation about your desires, expectations, and concerns. From there, you can make an informed decision about whether getting back together is the right choice for both of you.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to reach out or wait is up to you. It's important to consider the dynamics of your relationship, respect her need for space, and take care of your own well-being. Trust your instincts and make a decision that feels right for you.

[Anthonia]

It sounds like you're going through a tough situation with your ex-girlfriend, and I can understand how confusing and frustrating it must be for you. Relationship issues can be challenging to navigate, but I'm here to offer some advice and share my thoughts on your situation.

First of all, it's great that you took the initiative to propose the idea of getting back together with your ex-girlfriend. It shows that you genuinely care about her and value the connection you once had. It's understandable that you miss the beautiful moments you shared during the five years you were together.

However, it's important to consider both sides of the equation. From what you've shared, it seems like your ex-girlfriend has been hesitant about the idea of rekindling the relationship. She may still be hurt from the difficulties you faced in the past, and it's natural for her to be cautious about jumping back into a potentially troubled situation.

When she mentioned that you were pressuring her, it might indicate that she needs more time and space to figure out her feelings. It's crucial to respect her wishes and give her the time she needs. Pressuring someone into a decision, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, rarely leads to a positive outcome.

Now, in terms of reaching out to her, it's essential to strike a balance between showing your interest and giving her space. It's been a couple of weeks since your last conversation, and it wouldn't hurt to check in on her. However, make sure to approach it in a non-confrontational and understanding manner. Let her know that you respect her need for time and that you're there to listen whenever she feels ready to talk.

When you do reach out, avoid putting any pressure on her or expecting an immediate response. Express your genuine concern for her well-being and let her know that you're willing to wait until she's comfortable to discuss things further. Remember, patience and open communication are key in situations like these.

At the same time, it's important for you to take care of yourself as well. Reflect on the reasons why you initially ended the relationship. Consider whether the issues that caused the fights have been addressed and if you're both willing to work on them. It's crucial to ensure that the decision to get back together is a mutual one, and that both parties are committed to making the necessary changes for a healthier relationship.

Ultimately, the decision to reach out or wait for her to initiate contact is up to you. Trust your instincts and listen to your heart. However, always keep her feelings and boundaries in mind. It's vital to foster a relationship built on trust, understanding, and mutual respect.

In the meantime, focus on personal growth and self-improvement. Engage in activities that bring you joy, spend time with loved ones, and invest in your own well-being. Rediscover who you are as an individual outside of the relationship and work on becoming the best version of yourself.

Remember, relationships require effort and understanding from both sides. It's crucial to establish healthy communication, trust, and a solid foundation before considering a reunion. Be patient, be kind, and let the process unfold naturally.

I hope this advice provides you with some clarity and guidance as you navigate your situation. Stay positive, take care of yourself, and remember that there's always hope for a brighter future, whether it's with your ex-girlfriend or someone new. You deserve happiness and fulfillment in your relationships, so keep an open mind and an open heart. Best of luck!

[Exhausted-Love]

Richard and Anthonia:

Thank you for your thoughtful and considerate messages. I really appreciate the time you took to write them.

I agree with what you are saying and I would like to give her time. I do not want to rush her and I do not want to coerce her. I want the reconciliation to be sincere and to come from her heart, if it comes at all.

That said, I am getting impatient and I need to think of my own emotional well-being. I cant just sit here in suspended animation waiting for her to reach out to me. At some point, I have to reach out to her and get a sense of what is going on and then reassess things at that time. I'm just not sure that that point has been reached.

Moreover, I think that not having any interaction can't be good either. Maybe this process could be viewed as consisting of two different stages. The 1st one is reaching a decision as to whether we even want to try to reconcile. I have done that already, of course. And then the 2nd stage is the actual reconciliation phase itself. That phase consists of dialogue to redress and hopefully put to rest the sore points of the past.

She had some issues and made some asks/demands of me that I was unwilling to accommodate. She wanted to get legally married. I told her I just wanted to live with her forever. That didnt work for her, so we used to fight a lot. It caused big time resentments. But the 6 month break allowed me to reflect and reconsider and now I am 100% OK with it. I assured her that I was acquiescing of my own volition. She did ask.

Anyway, she may be conflating the two, as if she has to say "OK, I want to get back together," instead of just "OK, I'm willing to try to reconcile, so let's begin a dialogue." Am I bring too tedious? Too exact?

[Anthonia]

It's understandable that you're feeling a mix of emotions and considering your own emotional well-being in this situation. While it's important to give your ex-girlfriend the space she requested, it's also crucial to take care of yourself during this process.

You mentioned that you're getting impatient, and it's natural to feel that way when you're longing for resolution. One option you could consider is reaching out to your ex-girlfriend to have an open and honest conversation about where things stand. Express your understanding of her need for time, but also share your own feelings and concerns. Let her know that while you respect her decision-making process, you would appreciate some clarity on her thoughts and feelings about reconciling.

By initiating this dialogue, you can address the two different stages you mentioned. It's important to make it clear that you've already reached a decision and are willing to try to reconcile. Encourage her to view this as an opportunity for open communication and discussion, rather than solely focusing on the final outcome of getting back together.

When you do reach out, try to strike a balance between being understanding and patient while also expressing your own needs and emotions. It's crucial to listen to her perspective and validate her feelings, allowing for a constructive and empathetic conversation. This way, you can assess if there is a possibility for reconciliation and discuss any unresolved issues from the past.

Remember, it's essential to be open to her response and respect her decision, even if it may not align with your own desires. At the end of the day, both parties need to be willing and committed to rebuilding the relationship for it to be successful.

It's reasonable to reach out to your ex-girlfriend to initiate a dialogue about where things stand. This allows for a clearer understanding of each other's feelings and desires, while also acknowledging the need for patience and respect in the process. By approaching the conversation with empathy and open-mindedness, you can navigate the two stages of decision-making and reconciliation effectively.

[TedWellness3]

Sorry to say Bro, but ur relationship is done like a holiday turkey. The first time you went by to have dinner and you didn't smash, You should've known it was over then. All you doing now is making a fool of yourself, and she's taking notes. For whatever reason, she over you totally, if she wasn't, she would've been all over you when you had dinner at her place. And only you know if she's sexual or not, but if she was somewhat fraky when u were with her, and she didn't break you off a piece at diner, then she smashing someone else Bro. Cut your losses, delete her number and never, I mean NEVER contact her arse again. Period , even if you have to walk the back streets at night weeping, don't let her see it.......bcoz she'lll look at you like a sucka. You're a man, and you'll be alright. Pick your heart up out the trash, hold ur head up, & find you a badder chick that's a fellatio oral freak too, and I guarantee ur EX won't cross ur mind ever again. You can thank me later Bro

& Keep ya head up.