How would you feel?

[Mr_Gonzalez]

I have been married to my wife next month 1 year. We have been together for 17- years and have two kids. I just found out she was trying to hook up with my friend/ roommate when we had just started having a relationship. So I thought we were in a relationship. She said we were not in a relationship. In the beginning we went on a camping trip with friends. I couldn't make it the first day. I arrived the second day. She slept in a tent with my friend/ roommate. She said nothing happened; it was his fault for not trying. Fast forward a few months. She moved in with me and my friend/roommate. We lived in the apartment for 3 months until we got our own place. Fast forward 17 years later two kids and married. I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS. She is saying it’s not a big deal. She had no feelings for him. I feel like there were feeling due to wanting to hook up....... I think it is weird/wrong living with us. If you wanted to hook up!!!

I feel sick. Betrayed/cheated on/lied to/bamboozled.

I feel like OUR life would have taken a different route. I would have never pursued her if I would have known about the (wanting to hook up)

Am I wrong for having these feelings? Am I overreacting?

[Dennis]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough situation right now. It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions when you discover something like this about your partner, especially after being together for 17 years and having two children. Let me start by saying that your feelings are valid, and it's essential to address them in a healthy way.

First, let's talk about the initial camping trip incident. It's understandable that you would have assumed you were in a committed relationship at that point, given the context. However, it's also possible that there was a miscommunication between you and your wife about the nature of your relationship at that early stage. People often interpret situations differently, and it's crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings regarding that incident.

Now, fast forward to the present, where you've discovered this information after so many years. It's normal to feel betrayed, cheated on, and lied to in this situation. You're not overreacting; these are natural reactions to such a revelation.

Your feelings of wondering how your life might have been different if you had known about her intentions back then are also valid. It's natural to feel like trust has been damaged, and that can make you question the foundation of your relationship.

In terms of whether you're wrong for having these feelings, you're absolutely not. You're human, and you're reacting to a significant breach of trust. It's essential to communicate with your wife about your emotions and concerns. A marriage counselor or therapist can help facilitate this discussion, providing a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work through the issue together.

When it comes to living with your friend/roommate, it's understandable that you find it uncomfortable given the history. In relationships, it's crucial to set boundaries and discuss what you're comfortable with. Again, open and honest communication with your wife is key here. You might want to consider finding a new living arrangement that doesn't involve your friend/roommate to help rebuild trust.

Remember, healing and rebuilding trust take time, patience, and effort from both partners. It's essential to determine whether both of you are willing to work through this and rebuild your relationship stronger than before.

In conclusion, your feelings are entirely valid, and you're not overreacting. It's essential to communicate with your wife, possibly with the help of a professional, to address these issues and decide together how to move forward. It's a challenging situation, but with the right support and effort, there's a possibility for healing and growth in your relationship.

[Olivia]

I can understand why you're feeling upset and betrayed right now. Discovering something like this about your partner from the past can definitely stir up a lot of emotions. It's completely normal to have these feelings, and it's important to remember that your emotions are valid.

When we enter into a relationship, we expect honesty and trust from our partners. Discovering that your wife was interested in hooking up with your friend/roommate at the beginning of your relationship can be a shock, especially after being together for so long and having a family together. It's natural to question whether your relationship would have taken a different path if you had known about her intentions back then.

However, it's essential to have open and honest communication with your wife about how you're feeling. Let her know that you're hurt and that this revelation has affected you deeply. It's important for her to understand the impact of her actions and the emotional toll it has taken on you.

As you have mentioned, your wife insists that she had no feelings for your friend/roommate and that it was his fault for not trying. While it's difficult to determine the truth of what happened during that camping trip, it's crucial to have a conversation where both of you can express your perspectives and feelings openly. This will help you both gain a better understanding of each other's emotions and experiences.

In terms of living together with your friend/roommate after the camping trip, it's understandable that you find it strange and uncomfortable given what you now know. Discuss this with your wife and express your concerns. It's important for both of you to create a living environment where you both feel safe, comfortable, and secure.

Moving forward, it might be helpful to seek the guidance of a couples therapist or counselor. They can provide a neutral space where both of you can explore your emotions, work through any trust issues, and find ways to move forward as a couple. A professional can offer valuable insights and strategies to help you both rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.

Remember, it's okay to feel hurt, betrayed, and confused in a situation like this. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to address them openly and honestly with your partner. By seeking open and empathetic communication, you can work towards healing and finding a way forward together.

[Mr_Gonzalez]

Hi, I was opening up the Ipad. A bunch of text messages popped open, I read one that said. The one you could have chosen likes you facebook post weird. Then the next message was

I 'always' wondered what would have happened, maybe I could have changed things.............



I haven't spoken to the roommate/ friend in over 10 years.

It's just hurtful. Is she ALWAYS still wondering ??? We have a great relationship. In the beginning we were intimated for two months, then the camping trip. I was spending my off days at her place. Which was two hours away. So I thought we were in a relationship...........