Hey all,
Not sure what Im expecting in the way or words from people - but I need to vent/ write my words down somewhere.
My gf ended things Sunday. We have had our ups and downs like most in the relationship - based on trust mainly etc
Last year at a social event ( through our gym classes ) she was chatting to this guy all night. It bothered me as I could clearly see she was flirting with him etc
Fast forward to March and this guys name came up ( lets call him Mike )
I asked whether she talks to him much when they are at classes together - she said not really...and that she doesnt speak to him outside the gym, they're not connected on social media.
About a week goes past and when Im near here I notice she moves her phone and she made a comment why was I looking at her screen ( literally was just sitting next to her )
I asked her why she was acting weird and if she could show me who she was messaging on her phone. ( we have always been open and said if we ever wanted to check on each others phone for peace of mind to just ask one another as we have both had experiences with ex's of cheating )
She freaked out, eventually, reluctantly showed me her phone and there were messages from this guy on her instagram. The first few messages were nothing to get exciting about...general chit chat but it was before the time she told me she did not speak to him outside the gym FED FLAG number 1
Then that day ( the day I looked on her phone ) there was a message that said something about ' hey if you still fancy that drink before or after class sometimes im easy as to when'
My heart sank - I freaked out and bascially told her to leave. That she had lied to my face multiple times - and this shows she was planning on meeting up with him.
Roll on a week Laser - I decide to believe her reasoning to the messages etc and we decided to try and make another go of things.
Now I think this is where things never went back to normal - perhaps she lost respect for me I dont know.
Anyhow the last two months have not been the best with her. She is very snappy. Short tempered and has been very rude to me on occasions when I have literally done nothing wrong.
Example 1. I suggest going for breakfast and she suggest this place where we live - I look at the menu as Im on the phone to her and reply
"there is nothing on the menu that takes my fancy"
She says is an angry, snappy tone -
"well you pick somewhere then that you're happy with"
Example 2 : I wasnt feeling well and was literally tired constantly with working long hours - We're in bed and its quite late and I have to be up for work in the morning. She starts trying to do an online shop and is asking me what food do I want. Im starting to drift off to sleep. You know when your eye lids are stupidly heavy and you cannot keep them open,
Well I rifted off for only a matter of seconds and she literally snapped at me.
"why the hell you pretending to be asleep for. You wouldnt be asleep in 5 seconds. Youre ignoring me and acting like a child "
I came to and tried to explain I was literally drifting off to sleep, that Im exhausted at the moment and to give me a break. That she has no right to speak to me in that manner or tonne.
She continued to be rude and basically telling me Im a child for pretending to sleep.
I had enough - I said to her if she doesnt stop Im going to go home. She said "fine"
As I got up I said ' you're being a horrible cow to me and its not on" I left
Next day she apologised in the morning and said she was just frustrated as she was trying to order the food. Said would I be normal with her etc
I said its fine - its a new day lets just carry on.
By lunch time she messaged me saying why have I not apologised? I was like what for - she was meaning the fact I called her a 'horrible cow'
I said to her My remarks were valid - I was simply saying her behaviour towards me the night before was her being a horrible cow.
Argument continued and we didnt see eachother for a day or two.
example 3 - we were in the kitchen cooking together - I was next to her watching something so it didnt boil over - she was right next to me keeping an eye on two frying pans and its contents.
She literally snapped at me 'why are you hovering for - you're in the way you dont need to stand there'
I responded with the fact she didnt need to be like that. I was doing nothing wrong and was not in the way or anything. I asked her to watch how she was speaking which just made things worse.
She continued to be rude and her temper started to rise.
I eventually did an about turn and just backed off.
So fast forward a few days to Sunday - she had an issue that in the morning I was sat on my phone playing a game as I was eating my breakfast. She came over after making a coffee and made a comment about 'havent you been on that game enough already'
At this point I had spoke to her and tried to arrange a day trip the following weekend, Granted my attention was also in the game but she was sat there speaking to her father who was on his laptop.
Anyhow that evening she came over - and basically said its done, We bring out the worst in eachother. That too much has happened and she isnt happy anymore.
She said I deserve to be with someone who wont snap at me. That she has lost all patience with me and she doesnt know why. That she doesnt feel like herself and its the relationship.
I explained I too was unhappy with things lately and had been wanting to spend less time together. Though I wanted to work things out.
It turns out she had been thinking about this for around a week, I did say to her why not talk to me before this, before it got the breaking point and she said she had tried - though I didnt listen.
I said to her I always listen and act when things have not been right. I asked her whether she was still inlove with me and she said she was. She said she adores me and will miss me loads. That Ive been a big part of her life and we have many memories together.
For hte first time in wha felt like months we seemed to open up to one one another. Had a long hug and it felt like we haven't been connected/close in so long.
I sat there and said to her tha I adore her. I want to fix things and feel we could - but it would only work if she wanted to as well. I said if nothing Im saying is making a difference then there is nothing left to say. I said to her I have self respect. I would never beg for her to stay or act out of desperation. If this is what she wanted I would respect her. This whole time she was crying her eyes out.
It got to the stage she basically said there's nothing left to stay so Im going to go. She got up with tears running down her face and said would I see her out the house. She asked me for one last hug but at this stage I was obviously hurting, shocked and was trying to process it all.
I followed her downstairs. I removed my key from her bunch and she opened the door.
She turned to me and I gave her a hug. I said to her I didnt want her to do - that I didn't want it to be over and if anything I said had sunk in then not to go. She just looked at me, tears still in her eyes and left.
WE have not spoken since.
Im heartbroken I really am. I know we had some issues and there were times when her attitude and rudeness did really affect me - but I thought it would pass. She has been saying she is majorly stressed with work etc
We were meant to be booking a last minute trip this week for a weeks holiday. I was hopeful we could reconnect whilst away.
Im just still in shock. Havent slept the best. Im still connected to her on social media and she has bene posting on her Instagram. I posting something on my story and she viewed it.
I know Im looking into everything but Im hurting.
Im confused. I guess I should of seen this coming. The snappiness. Not having patience with me. It seems like she has been growing distant for a while and this has been coming for a few weeks.
We have a gym social event coming up ( tickets all paid for ) I know she will be there and I dont know what to do. Mates have said to still go. It'll be fun and just to avoid her. But I just dont know.
When we broke up once before she blocked me on everything, then after 3/5 days she started unblocking me then reached out saying she had some trainers if I still wanted them to give her the money.
Obviously part of me wants her to reach out - Im in love with this woman. But I know that its not going to happen. She has by the looks of her instagram moved on. Posting her life and what shes up to. Whilst Im struggling with lack of sleep. Unable to concentrate and joined an online forum to ask for advice/help.
Has anyone got any advice. Im feeling like I should of done more. That perhaps if I acted differently or maybe showed her more attention but at the time her being rude to me pushed me away and made me not want to be close to her.
Im trying to keep busy. But its difficult when my mind just has her in it
Not sure what Im expecting in the way or words from people - but I need to vent/ write my words down somewhere.
My gf ended things Sunday. We have had our ups and downs like most in the relationship - based on trust mainly etc
Last year at a social event ( through our gym classes ) she was chatting to this guy all night. It bothered me as I could clearly see she was flirting with him etc
Fast forward to March and this guys name came up ( lets call him Mike )
I asked whether she talks to him much when they are at classes together - she said not really...and that she doesnt speak to him outside the gym, they're not connected on social media.
About a week goes past and when Im near here I notice she moves her phone and she made a comment why was I looking at her screen ( literally was just sitting next to her )
I asked her why she was acting weird and if she could show me who she was messaging on her phone. ( we have always been open and said if we ever wanted to check on each others phone for peace of mind to just ask one another as we have both had experiences with ex's of cheating )
She freaked out, eventually, reluctantly showed me her phone and there were messages from this guy on her instagram. The first few messages were nothing to get exciting about...general chit chat but it was before the time she told me she did not speak to him outside the gym FED FLAG number 1
Then that day ( the day I looked on her phone ) there was a message that said something about ' hey if you still fancy that drink before or after class sometimes im easy as to when'
My heart sank - I freaked out and bascially told her to leave. That she had lied to my face multiple times - and this shows she was planning on meeting up with him.
Roll on a week Laser - I decide to believe her reasoning to the messages etc and we decided to try and make another go of things.
Now I think this is where things never went back to normal - perhaps she lost respect for me I dont know.
Anyhow the last two months have not been the best with her. She is very snappy. Short tempered and has been very rude to me on occasions when I have literally done nothing wrong.
Example 1. I suggest going for breakfast and she suggest this place where we live - I look at the menu as Im on the phone to her and reply
"there is nothing on the menu that takes my fancy"
She says is an angry, snappy tone -
"well you pick somewhere then that you're happy with"
Example 2 : I wasnt feeling well and was literally tired constantly with working long hours - We're in bed and its quite late and I have to be up for work in the morning. She starts trying to do an online shop and is asking me what food do I want. Im starting to drift off to sleep. You know when your eye lids are stupidly heavy and you cannot keep them open,
Well I rifted off for only a matter of seconds and she literally snapped at me.
"why the hell you pretending to be asleep for. You wouldnt be asleep in 5 seconds. Youre ignoring me and acting like a child "
I came to and tried to explain I was literally drifting off to sleep, that Im exhausted at the moment and to give me a break. That she has no right to speak to me in that manner or tonne.
She continued to be rude and basically telling me Im a child for pretending to sleep.
I had enough - I said to her if she doesnt stop Im going to go home. She said "fine"
As I got up I said ' you're being a horrible cow to me and its not on" I left
Next day she apologised in the morning and said she was just frustrated as she was trying to order the food. Said would I be normal with her etc
I said its fine - its a new day lets just carry on.
By lunch time she messaged me saying why have I not apologised? I was like what for - she was meaning the fact I called her a 'horrible cow'
I said to her My remarks were valid - I was simply saying her behaviour towards me the night before was her being a horrible cow.
Argument continued and we didnt see eachother for a day or two.
example 3 - we were in the kitchen cooking together - I was next to her watching something so it didnt boil over - she was right next to me keeping an eye on two frying pans and its contents.
She literally snapped at me 'why are you hovering for - you're in the way you dont need to stand there'
I responded with the fact she didnt need to be like that. I was doing nothing wrong and was not in the way or anything. I asked her to watch how she was speaking which just made things worse.
She continued to be rude and her temper started to rise.
I eventually did an about turn and just backed off.
So fast forward a few days to Sunday - she had an issue that in the morning I was sat on my phone playing a game as I was eating my breakfast. She came over after making a coffee and made a comment about 'havent you been on that game enough already'
At this point I had spoke to her and tried to arrange a day trip the following weekend, Granted my attention was also in the game but she was sat there speaking to her father who was on his laptop.
Anyhow that evening she came over - and basically said its done, We bring out the worst in eachother. That too much has happened and she isnt happy anymore.
She said I deserve to be with someone who wont snap at me. That she has lost all patience with me and she doesnt know why. That she doesnt feel like herself and its the relationship.
I explained I too was unhappy with things lately and had been wanting to spend less time together. Though I wanted to work things out.
It turns out she had been thinking about this for around a week, I did say to her why not talk to me before this, before it got the breaking point and she said she had tried - though I didnt listen.
I said to her I always listen and act when things have not been right. I asked her whether she was still inlove with me and she said she was. She said she adores me and will miss me loads. That Ive been a big part of her life and we have many memories together.
For hte first time in wha felt like months we seemed to open up to one one another. Had a long hug and it felt like we haven't been connected/close in so long.
I sat there and said to her tha I adore her. I want to fix things and feel we could - but it would only work if she wanted to as well. I said if nothing Im saying is making a difference then there is nothing left to say. I said to her I have self respect. I would never beg for her to stay or act out of desperation. If this is what she wanted I would respect her. This whole time she was crying her eyes out.
It got to the stage she basically said there's nothing left to stay so Im going to go. She got up with tears running down her face and said would I see her out the house. She asked me for one last hug but at this stage I was obviously hurting, shocked and was trying to process it all.
I followed her downstairs. I removed my key from her bunch and she opened the door.
She turned to me and I gave her a hug. I said to her I didnt want her to do - that I didn't want it to be over and if anything I said had sunk in then not to go. She just looked at me, tears still in her eyes and left.
WE have not spoken since.
Im heartbroken I really am. I know we had some issues and there were times when her attitude and rudeness did really affect me - but I thought it would pass. She has been saying she is majorly stressed with work etc
We were meant to be booking a last minute trip this week for a weeks holiday. I was hopeful we could reconnect whilst away.
Im just still in shock. Havent slept the best. Im still connected to her on social media and she has bene posting on her Instagram. I posting something on my story and she viewed it.
I know Im looking into everything but Im hurting.
Im confused. I guess I should of seen this coming. The snappiness. Not having patience with me. It seems like she has been growing distant for a while and this has been coming for a few weeks.
We have a gym social event coming up ( tickets all paid for ) I know she will be there and I dont know what to do. Mates have said to still go. It'll be fun and just to avoid her. But I just dont know.
When we broke up once before she blocked me on everything, then after 3/5 days she started unblocking me then reached out saying she had some trainers if I still wanted them to give her the money.
Obviously part of me wants her to reach out - Im in love with this woman. But I know that its not going to happen. She has by the looks of her instagram moved on. Posting her life and what shes up to. Whilst Im struggling with lack of sleep. Unable to concentrate and joined an online forum to ask for advice/help.
Has anyone got any advice. Im feeling like I should of done more. That perhaps if I acted differently or maybe showed her more attention but at the time her being rude to me pushed me away and made me not want to be close to her.
Im trying to keep busy. But its difficult when my mind just has her in it
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