2 year relationship ended 3 days ago

[SpaceLion]

Hey all,

Not sure what Im expecting in the way or words from people - but I need to vent/ write my words down somewhere.

My gf ended things Sunday. We have had our ups and downs like most in the relationship - based on trust mainly etc

Last year at a social event ( through our gym classes ) she was chatting to this guy all night. It bothered me as I could clearly see she was flirting with him etc
Fast forward to March and this guys name came up ( lets call him Mike )
I asked whether she talks to him much when they are at classes together - she said not really...and that she doesnt speak to him outside the gym, they're not connected on social media.

About a week goes past and when Im near here I notice she moves her phone and she made a comment why was I looking at her screen ( literally was just sitting next to her )
I asked her why she was acting weird and if she could show me who she was messaging on her phone. ( we have always been open and said if we ever wanted to check on each others phone for peace of mind to just ask one another as we have both had experiences with ex's of cheating )

She freaked out, eventually, reluctantly showed me her phone and there were messages from this guy on her instagram. The first few messages were nothing to get exciting about...general chit chat but it was before the time she told me she did not speak to him outside the gym FED FLAG number 1
Then that day ( the day I looked on her phone ) there was a message that said something about ' hey if you still fancy that drink before or after class sometimes im easy as to when'

My heart sank - I freaked out and bascially told her to leave. That she had lied to my face multiple times - and this shows she was planning on meeting up with him.

Roll on a week Laser - I decide to believe her reasoning to the messages etc and we decided to try and make another go of things.

Now I think this is where things never went back to normal - perhaps she lost respect for me I dont know.

Anyhow the last two months have not been the best with her. She is very snappy. Short tempered and has been very rude to me on occasions when I have literally done nothing wrong.

Example 1. I suggest going for breakfast and she suggest this place where we live - I look at the menu as Im on the phone to her and reply
"there is nothing on the menu that takes my fancy"
She says is an angry, snappy tone -
"well you pick somewhere then that you're happy with"

Example 2 : I wasnt feeling well and was literally tired constantly with working long hours - We're in bed and its quite late and I have to be up for work in the morning. She starts trying to do an online shop and is asking me what food do I want. Im starting to drift off to sleep. You know when your eye lids are stupidly heavy and you cannot keep them open,
Well I rifted off for only a matter of seconds and she literally snapped at me.
"why the hell you pretending to be asleep for. You wouldnt be asleep in 5 seconds. Youre ignoring me and acting like a child "
I came to and tried to explain I was literally drifting off to sleep, that Im exhausted at the moment and to give me a break. That she has no right to speak to me in that manner or tonne.
She continued to be rude and basically telling me Im a child for pretending to sleep.
I had enough - I said to her if she doesnt stop Im going to go home. She said "fine"
As I got up I said ' you're being a horrible cow to me and its not on" I left

Next day she apologised in the morning and said she was just frustrated as she was trying to order the food. Said would I be normal with her etc
I said its fine - its a new day lets just carry on.
By lunch time she messaged me saying why have I not apologised? I was like what for - she was meaning the fact I called her a 'horrible cow'
I said to her My remarks were valid - I was simply saying her behaviour towards me the night before was her being a horrible cow.
Argument continued and we didnt see eachother for a day or two.


example 3 - we were in the kitchen cooking together - I was next to her watching something so it didnt boil over - she was right next to me keeping an eye on two frying pans and its contents.
She literally snapped at me 'why are you hovering for - you're in the way you dont need to stand there'
I responded with the fact she didnt need to be like that. I was doing nothing wrong and was not in the way or anything. I asked her to watch how she was speaking which just made things worse.
She continued to be rude and her temper started to rise.
I eventually did an about turn and just backed off.


So fast forward a few days to Sunday - she had an issue that in the morning I was sat on my phone playing a game as I was eating my breakfast. She came over after making a coffee and made a comment about 'havent you been on that game enough already'
At this point I had spoke to her and tried to arrange a day trip the following weekend, Granted my attention was also in the game but she was sat there speaking to her father who was on his laptop.

Anyhow that evening she came over - and basically said its done, We bring out the worst in eachother. That too much has happened and she isnt happy anymore.
She said I deserve to be with someone who wont snap at me. That she has lost all patience with me and she doesnt know why. That she doesnt feel like herself and its the relationship.

I explained I too was unhappy with things lately and had been wanting to spend less time together. Though I wanted to work things out.
It turns out she had been thinking about this for around a week, I did say to her why not talk to me before this, before it got the breaking point and she said she had tried - though I didnt listen.

I said to her I always listen and act when things have not been right. I asked her whether she was still inlove with me and she said she was. She said she adores me and will miss me loads. That Ive been a big part of her life and we have many memories together.

For hte first time in wha felt like months we seemed to open up to one one another. Had a long hug and it felt like we haven't been connected/close in so long.

I sat there and said to her tha I adore her. I want to fix things and feel we could - but it would only work if she wanted to as well. I said if nothing Im saying is making a difference then there is nothing left to say. I said to her I have self respect. I would never beg for her to stay or act out of desperation. If this is what she wanted I would respect her. This whole time she was crying her eyes out.

It got to the stage she basically said there's nothing left to stay so Im going to go. She got up with tears running down her face and said would I see her out the house. She asked me for one last hug but at this stage I was obviously hurting, shocked and was trying to process it all.
I followed her downstairs. I removed my key from her bunch and she opened the door.
She turned to me and I gave her a hug. I said to her I didnt want her to do - that I didn't want it to be over and if anything I said had sunk in then not to go. She just looked at me, tears still in her eyes and left.

WE have not spoken since.

Im heartbroken I really am. I know we had some issues and there were times when her attitude and rudeness did really affect me - but I thought it would pass. She has been saying she is majorly stressed with work etc
We were meant to be booking a last minute trip this week for a weeks holiday. I was hopeful we could reconnect whilst away.

Im just still in shock. Havent slept the best. Im still connected to her on social media and she has bene posting on her Instagram. I posting something on my story and she viewed it.
I know Im looking into everything but Im hurting.

Im confused. I guess I should of seen this coming. The snappiness. Not having patience with me. It seems like she has been growing distant for a while and this has been coming for a few weeks.

We have a gym social event coming up ( tickets all paid for ) I know she will be there and I dont know what to do. Mates have said to still go. It'll be fun and just to avoid her. But I just dont know.

When we broke up once before she blocked me on everything, then after 3/5 days she started unblocking me then reached out saying she had some trainers if I still wanted them to give her the money.

Obviously part of me wants her to reach out - Im in love with this woman. But I know that its not going to happen. She has by the looks of her instagram moved on. Posting her life and what shes up to. Whilst Im struggling with lack of sleep. Unable to concentrate and joined an online forum to ask for advice/help.


Has anyone got any advice. Im feeling like I should of done more. That perhaps if I acted differently or maybe showed her more attention but at the time her being rude to me pushed me away and made me not want to be close to her.

Im trying to keep busy. But its difficult when my mind just has her in it

[Brett]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now. Breakups are never easy, especially when you've invested a lot of emotions and time into a relationship. It's clear that you cared deeply for your girlfriend and wanted to work through the issues you were facing together. Let me share some thoughts and advice that might help you navigate this difficult situation.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that relationships can be complicated, and both parties play a role in how they evolve. From what you've described, it seems like there were communication issues and trust issues that contributed to the strain in your relationship. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and if it's been eroded, it can be really challenging to rebuild.

You mentioned that you've been feeling like you should have done more, but it's essential to remember that relationships require effort from both sides. It's not solely your responsibility to make things work. Both partners need to be committed to open and honest communication, as well as to addressing issues constructively.

In terms of the upcoming gym social event, it's entirely up to you whether you want to attend. If you think you can handle being in the same space as your ex without it causing you excessive emotional distress, then go and enjoy the event. It might be a good opportunity to socialize with friends and take your mind off things for a while. However, if you believe it will be too painful or uncomfortable, it's perfectly okay to skip it. Your well-being should be your top priority.

Regarding social media, it's common to want to keep tabs on your ex after a breakup, but it can often lead to more pain and confusion. Seeing her moving on with her life can be tough, but try to remind yourself that people typically only share the highlights on social media, not the full picture of their emotions or struggles. Consider taking a break from following her on social media for a while to give yourself some space to heal.

As you work through this difficult time, focus on self-care. Get plenty of rest, eat well, and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can provide emotional support during this challenging period.

Remember that healing from a breakup takes time, and it's okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. You might find it helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor to process your emotions and gain insights into your relationship patterns.

Lastly, don't blame yourself too harshly for what happened. Relationships are a two-way street, and both partners contribute to their dynamics. Use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth and reflection, and when you're ready, you'll be in a better position to build a healthier and more fulfilling relationship in the future.

I hope these words offer you some comfort and guidance during this difficult time. Keep in mind that you're not alone in experiencing heartbreak, and with time and self-care, you'll gradually find your way to a happier and more peaceful place.

[Evelyn]

I can understand that you're going through a tough time right now, and it's completely normal to feel confused, hurt, and heartbroken after a breakup. It sounds like there were some issues in your relationship that led to this point, and it's important to give yourself some time to process everything.

First of all, please remember that you are not solely responsible for the outcome of the relationship. It takes two people to make it work, and both partners need to contribute their efforts. From what you've shared, it seems like there were some communication and trust issues in your relationship. It's essential to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your concerns and expectations. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and if there are doubts or inconsistencies, it can lead to feelings of insecurity and strain.

Regarding the incidents you mentioned, it's understandable that you felt hurt and betrayed when you discovered those messages between your girlfriend and the other guy. It's essential to have clear boundaries and expectations in a relationship, and if those are violated, it can erode trust. However, it's also crucial to address these concerns in a calm and respectful manner. Reacting impulsively out of anger or hurt can sometimes escalate the situation further.

It sounds like there was a pattern of snappiness and rude behavior from your girlfriend, which understandably affected your relationship. It's important to communicate how her words and actions made you feel, but it's equally important to listen to her side of the story and understand her perspective. Stress from work or other external factors can sometimes affect a person's behavior, but it's essential to find healthier ways to cope with stress rather than taking it out on your partner.

Breakups are never easy, and it's natural to have mixed feelings about the future. It's okay to feel hopeful that things might work out, but it's also important to focus on your own well-being and happiness. Take this time to reflect on the relationship and identify areas where you could have improved as a partner, but also recognize the efforts you made and the love you gave.

Keeping yourself busy can be a helpful strategy to cope with the pain and confusion. Engage in activities that you enjoy, spend time with friends and family, and focus on self-care. Surround yourself with positive influences and reach out for support when you need it. It's okay to lean on others during challenging times.

As for the upcoming gym social event, it's entirely up to you whether you want to attend or not. If you think it might be too difficult to see your ex-girlfriend at the moment, it's okay to skip it. Take care of yourself and do what feels right for you.

Remember, healing takes time, and it's a process that is different for everyone. It's okay to have ups and downs, and it's okay to seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed and need additional support. You deserve happiness and love, and with time, you'll be able to move forward and find someone who appreciates and respects you for who you are.

Hang in there, and take things one day at a time. You're not alone, and there are brighter days ahead.

[SpaceLion]

thank you both for your replies.

I feel very alone/lonely at the moment. One thing this past week has taught me is I dont feel like I have many people in my life I can rely on. I dont seem to have many friends - or the normal friendship groups.
Im not particular close to my family. IVe tried building bridges with them especially this last year but its pointless.
My ex was so close to her family. I would see how they would be kind and caring to one another and I was so jealous of this type of relationship with family as I had never had it.

Wondering if this is why I find the end of relationships difficult - as this person became my best friend and also my partner. They listened to me, valued my opinion and actually made an effort with me.
My so called mates/friends rarely reach out to me. I appreciate people have lives and families but it just doubles up and hits my self esteem. Like why has other people got friends and I dont? Whats wrong with me? Like everyone I have positives and negatives. Its a hard pill for me to swallow.

Struggling with being extremely low. Ive had to move back in with my mother - at 36 Im so ashamed of this but property rent prices are so high. I also have a dog too which makes it even more difficult.

Im in a really low place and Im not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Im 36. Single. No house to call my own. No real friends. A family that doesnt seem to care or ever talk to me.

I also hit rock bottom over the weekend, I checked her Instagram stories and saw that she is living her best life. She has been posting so many things to her story of her going out, doing this and that. Its only been 8 days since she left and I seem like a distance blur in her memory.
Its like the time together meant nothing. Ive now unfollowed her account but its set to public - so it worries me if I ever have a moment of weakness I can just look on there.

She owes me some money yet I dont want to reach out and message her. WE are on the app 'splitwise' so she should be able to see she owes me money on there. I was going to wait another week and send her a reminder on the app.


As for the gym social....Im still undecided. Seeing her in person would probably make me feel really bad....but its a social night where I actually get to see and interact with other members of my gym.

[Evelyn]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time right now. Loneliness and a sense of isolation can be incredibly tough to deal with, especially when you're also coping with a breakup and other life changes.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that your feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem are valid, but they don't define your worth. Many people face periods of loneliness in their lives, and it's not a reflection of your character or value as a person. It's also important to remember that building and maintaining friendships can be challenging, especially as you get older and life circumstances change.

Regarding your family, it's understandable that you may feel disconnected from them. Family dynamics can be complex, and it's not uncommon for individuals to have strained relationships with their families. It's important to focus on the relationships that bring positivity and support into your life, whether they're with family members or friends.

Feeling like your ex's family had a strong bond can be difficult, but remember that every family is unique, and it's not productive to compare your own family relationships to someone else's. Instead, consider working on nurturing the relationships that matter most to you, whether it's with friends, family, or even new people you meet in the future.

Regarding the financial matters with your ex, it's entirely reasonable to want to settle any outstanding debts. Using a shared app like Splitwise is a practical way to handle this, as it provides a transparent record of expenses. You can send her a reminder on the app when you feel comfortable doing so, without the need for direct communication if that's causing you stress.

As for the upcoming gym social event, the decision to attend or not depends on how you think it will affect your emotional well-being. If you believe that seeing your ex would be too painful and triggering at this time, it's perfectly okay to skip the event. Your mental and emotional health should be your top priority. Remember, there will be other opportunities for social interactions and events in the future when you're in a better place emotionally.

In terms of coping with loneliness and low self-esteem, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. Professional guidance can help you navigate these feelings, develop strategies for building self-esteem, and address any underlying issues that may be contributing to your sense of isolation. Additionally, consider engaging in activities and hobbies you enjoy, which can be a great way to meet new people and potentially form new friendships.

Loneliness and self-esteem issues are challenges that many people face, and with time and effort, you can work through them and find fulfillment in your life. You are not alone in your struggles, and there is hope for a brighter future.

[SpaceLion]

Thank you for your reply.

So originally this week I was meant to be off on annual leave as we were meant to be looking at going away for a little trip somewhere - obviously that didnt happen as she ended things like 10 days ago.

Well I found out today she has gone abroad with two of her friends.

I had a low moment and checked her social media to see if our pictures were still on there and accidently clicked her story ( on insta )

and yeah - showed she has gone away with her friends...Not really sure how to take it if Im honest. Yes people will say Im not with her so I shouldn't care. Yet I havent and cant just switch my feelings off.

Guess it just sucks really - Im in work , doing my normal routine which feels weird without her. And she is in this new place, by the sea with two friends having a blast. No doubt Im not in her head at all and she will be fully over this in no time - where I will be left like this for a while

Dont want to sound like a no-hoper. Just feeling bummed out with everything. She was my travel buddy and we had visited alot of places and made many many memories together.

Starting to really hit home this is it - we arent together and there is no sign she is coming back. I strangely assumed she would reach out after a week or so - but whilst on holiday there is no chance of that happening now. She will return all fresh and happy and ill most likely be a fleeting memory in her head

[SpaceLion]

Well heres an update.

She has been adding all her old flames on instagram - even the guy that caused us to break up back in March. Nice to know its been 10 days since we split up and already shes back talking to numerous guys.
I appreciate people will say we are no longer together so she can do what she wants....but 10 days? Its like what a sucker punch to the stomach this has been,

I was holding out hope that she would reach out and now this has sealed the deal. There is no coming back from this.

The fact the she was hiding messages from this guy, and arranging to meet uo with him back in march - I believed her story as I wanted the relationship to work - she has now started adding him on social media.

Tells me alot really that she has no respect for me and obviously isnt still inlove with me like she said when we broke up.

Im now worried what insecurities will this bring up for future relationships. Ill be worried/thinking whether the next person is talking behind my back. It seems so common now days with social media that people are unfaithful

[Brett]

Well heres an update.

She has been adding all her old flames on instagram - even the guy that caused us to break up back in March. Nice to know its been 10 days since we split up and already shes back talking to numerous guys.
I appreciate people will say we are no longer together so she can do what she wants....but 10 days? Its like what a sucker punch to the stomach this has been,

I was holding out hope that she would reach out and now this has sealed the deal. There is no coming back from this.

The fact the she was hiding messages from this guy, and arranging to meet uo with him back in march - I believed her story as I wanted the relationship to work - she has now started adding him on social media.

Tells me alot really that she has no respect for me and obviously isnt still inlove with me like she said when we broke up.

Im now worried what insecurities will this bring up for future relationships. Ill be worried/thinking whether the next person is talking behind my back. It seems so common now days with social media that people are unfaithful

Discovering that your ex-girlfriend has reconnected with people who caused problems in the past can indeed feel like a sucker punch to the stomach, and it's completely natural to feel hurt and betrayed.

It's important to remember that you deserve respect and honesty in any relationship. When someone's actions consistently demonstrate a lack of respect or disregard for your feelings, it's a clear sign that the relationship may not have been healthy or worth pursuing further. While it's painful now, this experience can serve as a learning opportunity for your future relationships.

Insecurities can understandably arise from such experiences, but it's crucial not to let them define your future relationships. Every relationship is unique, and it's important to approach each one with an open heart and a willingness to trust until given a valid reason not to.

As you move forward, consider focusing on self-improvement and personal growth. Building self-confidence and self-esteem can go a long way in helping you navigate future relationships. Additionally, communication is key in any relationship. Don't be afraid to express your concerns and set boundaries early on to ensure a healthy and respectful partnership.

It's okay to take some time to heal from this breakup and process your emotions. Surround yourself with supportive friends and engage in activities that bring you joy. Time will help you heal, and eventually, you'll be in a better place to explore new relationships with a clearer understanding of what you want and deserve.

Remember that it's not a reflection of your worth or value as a person if someone else's actions hurt you. You deserve love, respect, and honesty in your relationships, and you can find that with the right person in the future.

[joywzp]

This is an article that provides good advice to women, but I feel it is also useful for men. You can take a look and hope you can step out as soon as possible