Partner messaging behind my back again…

[PT90]

Hi this is my first post here and wouldn't mind some opinions/help…

I’m in my early 30’s and so is my partner, we have 3 children together and have been together since we were teenagers. 14yrs total atm.

in January I’d discovered an email login on my girlfriend’s computer. Never seen this email address before so I logged in and discovered it was a fake email address she’d made up (using a profile pic of someone we know not herself) and it had one email to a guy stating she’d lost his number and been thinking about him a lot. Anyway they swapped numbers again and thats the end of the emails. I confronted her about this and she eventually admitted she’d met him on Omegle chat and got talking and gave him her number. Anyone who knows Omegle knows theres only one reason men are trolling around on there… Anyway she claimed it was never anything like a relationship or sexual and claims they never even exchanged photos (she was still using a fake name etc). I also found out they’d been speaking/txting for nearly 3 years!! Anyway this absolutely broke me and I never thought I could ever recover from this. Eventually I’d managed to forgive her and we continued our relationship. Although tbh nearly 9 month later now and I still think about it a lot and it still really hurts.

now onto this week… She left her iwatch on the side table whilst she went to bed and it flashed up and caught my attention. Knowing I shouldnt have, I looked at her messages on it. I haven’t really been paranoid in a while considering what happened so bot sure why I even did this. But anyway, I found a message that read:
Hello.
Hey.
Good now delete the chat.

obviously I was incredibly hurt and again she denied anything about this and claimed it wasn’t even a message she received “obvs she deleted it off her phone”. She eventually confessed that it was a guy that messaged her on tiktok as they were both watching a Live and he messaged her for whatever reason and added her. She replied that she couldnt accept him as she had a boyfriend but gave her number. Then this message happened…. Then never spoke again.

I honestly dont know what to think or how to even get over this again. She seems to clearly have a problem and I just dont know what to do. I want to stay for the kids but I know thats never good. Im just really a mess right now.

[Michael]

First of all, I want to say I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. It's never easy to navigate trust issues and relationship challenges, especially when kids are involved. I can totally understand why you're feeling like a mess right now, and you're not alone in dealing with these kinds of situations.

It's clear that trust has been broken in your relationship, and that's a tough thing to rebuild. You've been together for 14 years, and that's a significant chunk of time with lots of shared memories and experiences. It's no wonder that these incidents have left you feeling hurt and confused.

The discovery of the fake email address and her interactions with a guy she met on Omegle understandably shook your trust in her. Rebuilding trust after such a breach can be a long and challenging process, and it's normal for those thoughts and feelings to linger, even months later.

Now, regarding the recent incident with the iWatch message, it's another blow to your trust. Your partner's actions raise questions about her boundaries and her commitment to your relationship. It's crucial to have an open and honest conversation with her about how these actions are affecting you and the relationship as a whole. Communicate your feelings and concerns calmly and assertively, and encourage her to do the same. It's essential to express your emotions and worries without blaming or accusing.

You mentioned that you want to stay together for the sake of your children. While it's admirable to prioritize their well-being, it's equally important to remember that children are highly perceptive. They can sense tension and unhappiness in their parents' relationship, and this can impact them too. Children are better off with two happy co-parents rather than two unhappy ones.

Considering your partner's repeated actions, it might be helpful to seek couples counseling or therapy. A professional can guide both of you in addressing the underlying issues that have led to these situations and help you work towards rebuilding trust and a healthier relationship.

Also, don't forget to take care of yourself during this challenging time. Reach out to friends and family for support and consider seeking individual counseling to help you cope with your emotions and make decisions about your future.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all solution to this kind of situation. Ultimately, the decision to stay or part ways is a deeply personal one. What's most important is that you prioritize your own well-being and that of your children. You deserve to be in a relationship where trust and respect are foundational.

I hope you find the clarity and strength to navigate this difficult situation. You're not alone, and there are resources and people who can help you through this challenging time. Take things one step at a time, and know that you have the capacity to heal and make the best choices for yourself and your children.

[Sofia]

I can understand how difficult and confusing this situation must be for you. It's never easy to discover that your partner has been engaging in questionable conversations with other people. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and when it's broken, it can leave you feeling hurt, betrayed, and unsure of what to do next. I'm here to offer some empathy, share my thoughts, and hopefully provide you with some guidance.

First of all, it's important to acknowledge the pain you're experiencing. It's completely natural to feel hurt and betrayed when you discover something like this. It takes time to heal from such wounds, and it's okay if it still bothers you months later. Healing is a process, and it's different for everyone. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and allow yourself time to process everything.

Having said that, it's also important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Share your feelings and concerns with her in a calm and non-accusatory manner. Let her know how her actions have affected you and how you're struggling to move past it. Honest and open communication is crucial for rebuilding trust and finding a way forward.

It sounds like your partner has a pattern of engaging in questionable conversations with other men, even if she claims they are not sexual or romantic in nature. This behavior is concerning and may indicate that she has some underlying issues that need to be addressed. It could be helpful for both of you to seek couples counseling or therapy to work through these issues together. A professional can provide guidance and help you navigate the complexities of your relationship.

While staying together for the sake of the children is a common consideration, it's important to remember that a healthy and stable environment is also crucial for their well-being. If the trust between you and your partner continues to be eroded, it may have a negative impact on your children in the long run. It might be worth exploring individual therapy for yourself as well, to help you gain clarity and make informed decisions about your future.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to stay in the relationship or not is a deeply personal one that only you can make. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, as well as the well-being of your children. Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and if it continues to be broken, it can be challenging to rebuild it.

Remember, you don't have to face this alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a support network for guidance and emotional support. Surround yourself with people who care about you and can provide a listening ear during this difficult time.

Take care of yourself, and remember that you deserve happiness and a healthy relationship.