How to move on when it feels extremely hard?

[mimsycle]

Seeking advice.I have recently drawn boundaries with a guy that I had a situationship with for over 2 years. He and I met during the pandemic and I was just looking for something casual as I was seeing other people prior to meeting him. It was Covid time and I wasn't my best self, but he was always sweet and what we had was special. I would always tell myself that everything we had was just physical, but I'd be lying because we sort of had feelings for each other.

We finally had big moments last year and it just felt like everything was falling into place because we were crazy about each other. I'm not sure what happened early this year, but we sort of drifted apart, which obviously upset me. So, I communicated that with him, but I received a lackluster response from him indicating that he didn't want to work our issues out and he "didn't want to deal with feelings at the moment". That hurt me a lot and I stopped my contact with him afterwards but I ended it nicely.

He kept on texting me from time to time, but I was never sure what his intention was. I finally decided that I don't want to ever be following his breadcrumbs anymore and, honestly, we live on 2 different continents now so I'm not keen on trying anything out with him. I told him that I was hurt over what happened and that I didn't ever want to stay in touch with him because I know I deserve better treatment than that. So, I blocked him afterwards.

A part of me knows that I'm doing the right thing for myself and I'm actually quite proud of how I could speak up about my feelings because the big people-pleaser in me would never do so. But, there's also a part of me that kinda wishes that things didn't end up that way/he would've tried harder. I guess it's part of grieving, which is normal for any heartbreak. But, honestly, I've had breakups before (whether it's with long-term romantic relationship/FWB/situationship) but this is the hardest one to move on from and I keep on longing for him still because I really like us when we're together. I don't think I've ever felt this amount of comfort & safety with anyone before. So, that's why it's very difficult to simply forget about him or us.

A part of me has this weird feeling that we would reconnect again in the future, but I honestly don't know if that's a good idea. Or even know if that's possible considering I've blocked him lol.

I have no regrets because I think this experience has made me grow a lot as a person but I would want to really be able to move on so that I can create space for the next person who deserves me better. Any advice on how to get away from the idea that he and I still have a future together?
Thank you and much love for reading

[David]

I completely understand the rollercoaster of emotions you're going through right now, and I applaud your courage in setting boundaries and standing up for yourself. Situationships can be incredibly complicated and confusing, and it's clear that this particular connection had a significant impact on you. It's normal to feel torn between wanting to move on and hoping for a reconnection, especially when there was a genuine connection and feelings involved.

First and foremost, it's essential to recognize and appreciate the growth you've experienced from this situation. You've learned to assert yourself and prioritize your own well-being, which is a valuable life lesson. It's a big step to put yourself first and recognize your worth, and I'm here to remind you that you absolutely deserve better treatment.

The longing you're feeling is entirely natural. When you share a deep connection with someone, it can be challenging to let go, even if you know it's the right decision. It's like grieving the loss of something meaningful, and it's okay to give yourself permission to feel these emotions. It's part of the healing process.

As for the idea of a future reconnection, it's important to be cautious. While it's not impossible for people to reconnect after such situations, it's essential to focus on the present and your well-being. Keeping your options open for potential new connections is crucial. It's a big world out there, and you have the opportunity to meet someone who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.

To help you move forward, here are a few practical steps:

1. Stay busy: Invest your time and energy in activities that make you happy and fulfill you. This will not only distract you from thoughts of the past but also boost your self-esteem.

2. Lean on your support system: Talk to your friends and family about your feelings. Sharing your thoughts and emotions with loved ones can provide a sense of validation and comfort.

3. Self-care: Prioritize self-care routines to nurture your emotional and physical well-being. This might include meditation, exercise, or exploring new hobbies.

4. Set new goals: Identify personal and professional goals that you'd like to achieve. Focusing on your growth and aspirations can be incredibly empowering.

5. Consider therapy: Speaking to a therapist can be a valuable resource for working through complex emotions and finding strategies to move forward.

Remember, there is no set timeline for healing, and it's okay to take your time. What's important is that you're taking steps to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. You're on a journey of self-discovery and self-love, and I believe that in time, you'll find the person who cherishes you as much as you deserve. Keep moving forward with confidence and optimism, and the right person will come into your life when the time is right. Much love to you, and take care.

[Sofia]

I totally get where you're coming from, and I want you to know that you're not alone in navigating the complex world of situationships and the rollercoaster of emotions that come with them. It sounds like you've been through quite a journey with this guy, and I commend you for taking the brave step of setting boundaries and looking out for your own well-being.

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your strength in standing up for yourself and recognizing your own worth. It's not easy to put your feelings on the line, and I can tell that you've done it with a lot of courage. You absolutely deserve to be with someone who values you, respects your feelings, and is willing to work through any issues that arise.

The mixed emotions you're experiencing are completely natural. It's okay to have moments of longing or doubts about your decision. This is all part of the healing process. When we invest time and emotions into a connection, it's tough to let go completely. However, you've taken an important step in blocking him to create some distance and protect your own heart.

Regarding your feeling that you might reconnect in the future, it's not entirely impossible. People do change, circumstances evolve, and sometimes paths cross again. But remember, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. Focus on your own personal growth, your interests, and the things that make you happy.

Here are a few tips to help you move forward:

1. Self-care: Invest in self-care and self-love. Explore your passions, try new hobbies, and spend time with friends and family who uplift you.

2. Talk it out: It can be incredibly healing to talk to a trusted friend or a therapist about your feelings. Sharing your thoughts can provide valuable perspective and emotional release.

3. Set new goals: Focus on your personal and professional goals. Having something to strive for can be a great distraction and boost your self-esteem.

4. Stay open: While it's important to heal, don't close yourself off completely to the idea of future connections. Love can come when you least expect it.

5. Time and patience: Healing takes time, and everyone's journey is different. Be patient with yourself and your emotions.

Remember, you're on a journey of self-discovery and growth, and it's an exciting one. The pain you're feeling now is temporary, and it's paving the way for a brighter, more fulfilling future. Keep moving forward, keep your standards high, and keep believing in your own worth. The right person, who truly deserves you, will come into your life when the time is right.

Take care, and know that you've got a community here to support you. Much love!