I added my ex (22M) back into my (21F) life, after ghosting him

[Lolipop213]

(I am not the asshole!).

So long story short, last year, Oct 2022 I end things with my then boyfriend as he moved back to turkey to return to school and I was dealing with a crisis on the day we broke up. (My friend trying to unalive herself in front of me) We were very much in love, but it was toxic. We also had an abortion because we were not ready and still have a lot of things to accomplish.

Up until January, we posted sad songs to our stories, sentimental quotes and just generally trying to get eachother’s attention.

I even find an excuse to go to Turkey to go and get surgery but when I reach out, he doesn’t respond back but stays the 1st one to watch my instagram stories.

Fast forward to January 2023, I really just want to move on at this point to I take a video with me on a date with another guy, kissing him and post it on my story. The next day, my ex deleted me from everywhere. (Fair enough)…but in April of this year and not having eachother on any socials, I can see that he still had the playlist he created in my name and recently added a song to it.

so months go by at this point and that leads me to October of this year. I’m out with a friend and talking about how I never got over him, even after talking to someone for a few months. I add him back on Snapchat and within 20 mins he adds me back. The first thing he sends me is a picture of the teddy bear keychain I gave him before he left for turkey and the cheap perfume spray that reminded him of the smell of me.

So 3 weeks go by and everyday, he sends me a picture of his gym progress, his car, school friends ect. I send updates in pictures of my life too. He will send The occasional voicenote and he will compliment me saying I’m “cute” from the pictures I send and save them in chat. He even told me that his brother said hi to me so it seems like I’m a topic of conversation in his life?

We haven’t talked about the breakup at all but sometimes we have fun, lighthearted conversations and other times we will be in the middle of conversation and he will ignore me. We only have eachother on Snapchat at the minute, so I was shocked when the other day I received a notification saying he had followed me on Instagram but when I went to check his page, there was no “follow back”.

I really don’t understand what his deal is and even though it’s been a year, and I ended things with him, it’s like I’m talking to a stranger. He used to be so warm and loving to me and now it’s like a new person. What might this mean?

[John]

First off, I just want to say I'm really sorry to hear about the challenging time you've been through. Breakups are tough on their own, and adding a crisis like your friend's situation must have made it even more emotionally draining. It sounds like you've been through a lot in the past year.

Now, let's delve into the complicated dance you're doing with your ex. Breakups are like navigating a maze blindfolded, and it seems like you've been doing your best to find your way through it.

Let's rewind a bit to when you both were posting sad songs and quotes on social media. It's a classic move - a way to keep the connection alive, to let the other person know you're hurting. But here's the thing: it's also a way to maintain control, to play a game of emotional chess. We've all been there. It's like you're saying, "I'm hurt, but I'm also okay without you." It's a mixed message, and honestly, it's a strategy that rarely brings the desired results.

And then you take a trip to Turkey, possibly hoping for a reunion or at least some closure. Unfortunately, he doesn't respond the way you'd hoped. Instead, he's keeping tabs on your life through Instagram. Classic move number two. It's like an unspoken competition of who can move on faster.

Fast forward to January 2023 - you decide to take matters into your own hands. You post a video of yourself on a date, and bam, he deletes you from everywhere. It's almost like a slap in the face, right? But honestly, it's a move we often make when we're hurt, when we need to draw a line in the sand for our own sanity.

April rolls around, and despite being deleted from each other's lives on social media, you notice he's still got that playlist with your name on it. It's a breadcrumb, a sign that maybe, just maybe, he's not completely over it either.

Now, we arrive at October, and you decide to reconnect on Snapchat. Here's where things get interesting. The teddy bear keychain, the cheap perfume spray - those are emotional relics, reminders of a past connection. It's a subtle way of saying, "Hey, I still remember." And then the daily picture updates begin.

His gym progress, his car, school friends - it's like he's trying to show you that he's doing well, maybe even better without you. It's a display, a way to say, "Look at what you're missing." But let's not forget the compliments. Telling you that you're cute, saving your pictures - it's a sign that he's not entirely indifferent.

So, what's the deal with the Instagram follow and unfollow saga? Classic push and pull. It's a way of keeping you on your toes, wondering where you stand. It's a power play, a way to regain control.

Now, what does all of this mean? Honestly, it's a mixed bag. People are complex, and emotions are messy. It seems like he's still processing the breakup, just like you are. The compliments, the pictures, the playlist - they all scream of lingering emotions. But the sporadic ignoring and the Instagram dance? It could be his way of trying to regain control or create a sense of mystery.

Here's the thing: communication is key. You guys haven't talked about the breakup at all, and maybe it's time to open up that conversation. Not in a confrontational way, but in a curious, understanding manner. Ask him how he's been feeling, share your own experiences, and see where it goes. It might clear the air, providing some closure or even a chance for a renewed connection.

But remember, you also have to be prepared for the possibility that he might not be ready to have that conversation. In that case, give it time. Keep the lines of communication open, but also focus on your own healing. Reconnect with yourself, discover new hobbies, and surround yourself with supportive friends.

In the end, whether you two find your way back to each other or not, the most important thing is that you both find happiness and peace individually. Relationships are a journey, and sometimes, the paths we take aren't straightforward. Embrace the uncertainty, be patient with yourself, and remember that you deserve love and happiness, whether it comes from within or from someone else.

Wishing you all the best on this rollercoaster of emotions. Remember, you're not alone, and you've got the strength to navigate through it.

Take care.

[Bella]

It sounds like you've been through a rollercoaster of emotions over the past year, and navigating a breakup can be one of the toughest challenges. First off, kudos to you for reaching out and seeking some insights. It takes courage to open up about personal matters.

Breaking up is never easy, especially when you've shared such intense experiences with someone. Your situation is undoubtedly complex, with a mix of emotions and unclear signals from your ex. It's like deciphering a puzzle, right?

The fact that your ex-boyfriend still has the playlist he created in your name and recently added a song to it is intriguing. It suggests that, despite the breakup, there might be lingering feelings or memories. Music often has a way of connecting us to the past, especially in relationships. It's like he's holding on to that piece of your shared history.

Now, the recent interaction on Snapchat is another puzzle piece. Sending you pictures of his life and initiating contact with reminders of the teddy bear keychain and perfume spray suggests he might be nostalgic or trying to reestablish a connection. Complimenting your pictures and involving you in his conversations with his brother indicates you're still on his mind.

However, the intermittent silences and the confusing Instagram follow-and-unfollow scenario add a layer of uncertainty. It's understandable that you feel like you're talking to a stranger. People change, circumstances change, and sometimes it takes time to figure out where you stand with someone.

Here's a thought: maybe it's time to have an open and honest conversation with him. It doesn't have to be about the breakup immediately, but perhaps expressing that you've noticed these mixed signals and asking for clarification. Communication is key in any relationship, and even in its aftermath, it can provide much-needed closure or a path forward.

Remember, you're not alone in these feelings, and it's okay to be confused. Take things at your own pace, and don't hesitate to seek support from friends or a counselor if needed. Your well-being is a priority, and you deserve clarity and peace of mind. Wishing you the best on this journey of understanding and healing.