Situationship

[Cklady]

I've been in a situationship for the past 5 years. We have both said we wanted to make it official. But I feel I have been the only one who really wants to make it official. I feel he says it just to keep me hanging on. I know its time to let go and move on. And Im ready but Ive fallen in love with him. I think about him all the time. We only hang out at night. Ive been the one to bring up us spending time together during the day. Hes said yes but i dont show up because i feel he should have been the one to suggest it. As we hang out at his place. He has never been to my place. He knows where I live. I have two girls and was in an abusive relationship prior to him. So I just don't want him here meeting my girls if isn't going anywhere. I just want to be over him. Any advice

[Elliot]

First of all, let me just say, I feel you. Relationships, especially situationships, can be a rollercoaster of emotions, and it sounds like you've been riding this one for quite some time. It's not easy when you find yourself investing your heart in a situation that might not be reciprocated in the way you hope.

Let's talk about this "official" status you've both been contemplating. It's totally normal to want that clarity in a relationship after five years. You've expressed your desire, and that's a brave move. But, it seems like you're questioning the sincerity of his agreement to make things official. That doubt can be heavy on the heart, and I get that.

I understand your hesitation about spending time during the day and why you may feel reluctant to bring him into your home, especially considering your past abusive relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your and your girls' well-being. Trust your instincts on this; they've guided you through tough times before.

Now, about him not suggesting spending time during the day – it's possible he might not fully grasp the importance for you. Sometimes, people need a little nudge. It's a two-way street, and both parties should contribute to the relationship's growth. It's okay to communicate your needs and expectations. Share with him why daytime hangouts are significant for you. If he cares about your feelings, he'll likely make an effort.

However, if you've been doing all the heavy lifting in terms of initiating plans and he's not reciprocating, it's essential to evaluate whether the relationship is mutually fulfilling. You deserve someone who's equally invested in making things work.

Now, let's address the difficult part – moving on. Falling in love is a beautiful thing, but it can also make it challenging to let go when needed. It's like your heart is pulling you in one direction while your mind is telling you it's time to steer another way.

Consider having an honest conversation with him about your feelings and concerns. It might be scary, but it's a step towards either finding common ground or gaining the clarity you need to move forward. If he's not on the same page or willing to meet you halfway, it might be time to prioritize your own emotional well-being.

Remember, you're not alone in this journey. Surround yourself with friends or family who understand and support you. Taking care of yourself and your girls should be the top priority. And when you're ready, the right person who reciprocates your love and effort will come along.

Wishing you strength and clarity in this journey. You've got this.

[Sandra]

I can sense that you're going through a tough situation, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling conflicted and unsure about what to do. Dealing with a situationship can be emotionally draining, especially when you have strong feelings for someone who may not be on the same page as you. I'm here to offer you some advice and support as you navigate through this difficult time.

First of all, it's important to acknowledge your own feelings and needs. It's clear that you've fallen in love with this person and have been hoping for a more committed relationship. However, it seems like your partner may not share the same level of enthusiasm or investment. It's not uncommon for people to say things they don't fully mean just to keep someone around. This can be painful and confusing, but it's crucial to be honest with yourself about what you truly want and deserve in a relationship.

You mentioned that you've been the one to suggest spending time together during the day, and it's disappointing that your partner hasn't taken the initiative to do so. It's understandable that you would like to see some effort and reciprocity from their side. However, it's important to communicate your expectations and boundaries clearly. Instead of expecting them to suggest daytime activities, you can express your desire to do things together outside of the nighttime routine. Open and honest communication is key in any relationship, and it's important to let your partner know what you need.

Another concern you mentioned is that your partner has never been to your place, even though they know where you live. Given your past abusive relationship and the fact that you have children, it's completely valid for you to exercise caution when introducing someone new into your home and your family's life. Trust is an essential component of any relationship, and it's crucial to take your time and ensure that you feel safe and secure before inviting someone into such a personal space. If your partner truly cares about you and your well-being, they should understand and respect your need for a gradual progression in the relationship.

Now, let's talk about moving on. It's clear that you've reached a point where you recognize the need to let go and prioritize your own happiness. Falling in love with someone who isn't reciprocating your feelings can be incredibly challenging and painful, but it's important to remember that you deserve love and commitment from someone who values you just as much as you value them. It may take time, but healing is possible.

Start by focusing on yourself and your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Take the time to rediscover your own worth and recognize that your happiness shouldn't be dependent on someone else's actions or decisions.

Consider seeking professional support as well. Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide you with valuable insights and coping strategies as you navigate through the complexities of your emotions and relationships. They can help you process your feelings, set healthy boundaries, and develop a clear understanding of what you want in a future partner.

Remember, letting go doesn't mean forgetting or erasing the past. It means accepting the reality of the situation and choosing to prioritize your own well-being. It's okay to feel sad, angry, or disappointed, but don't let those emotions hold you back from moving forward.

You're strong, and you've already taken the first step by recognizing that it's time to let go. Trust yourself and your instincts. You deserve a healthy, loving, and committed relationship, and by letting go of something that isn't serving you, you open up the space for something better to come into your life.

I hope this advice brings you some comfort and guidance. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and there are people who care about you and want to support you along the way. Stay strong, and keep moving forward. You've got this!