Is my ex guilty? Did she cheat on me?

[Mrmeta33]

Ok so I ended my four year relationship with my ex a few months back but I wanted to know people’s opinions on one particular issue. What does everyone think about this story I am about to tell you.

My ex is an extrovert, confident, personable and sociable with everyone especially men. She’s also an alcoholic. During our time together she would often visit a pub in her local area. The pub is ran by an old man named Charlie, who’s married and is in his seventies. She met him a year into our relationship through her sales job.
One day she was took me to his pub to meet him. I met him, he seemed ok but there were things I noticed about their dynamic that made me suspicious. Firstly, she went into his office for almost thirty minutes, I had no idea what they were doing but when she came out she just said they were talking - “business.” My ex is somewhat of a wheeler dealer. Her & Charlie would often work on secondhand cars to sell for profit. Case in point, the day I met him, we were at a garage next to the pub as she was inspecting a car that he wanted her to work on.End of the night as we were leaving, she was saying her goodbyes to Charlie, she was very drunk at this point, having regurgitated a few hours prior. I noticed she grabbed hold of his arm tightly as they were walking. Initially I brushed it off as just a friendly gesture. The type of gesture you would express to a close friend or relative.

Two months later, i asked her if she had seen Charlie recently and she told me no because apparently he had sent her a lewd text message. She claims he sent her an explicit message which made her feel uncomfortable therefore she cut ties with him. I found this insanely odd and I told her it’s due to her flirtatious nature with him when she’s drunk, she may have given off the wrong signals, especially the night I met him, when she hugged him tightly.

A few months later she tells me she she’s been visiting the pub. She obviously forgot about the text to which I reminded her and this caught her off guard. She denied receiving any message from him instead she tells me it was sent by accident. Apparently someone else got hold of his phone and sent her that message. Again I was suspicious but I brushed it off and forgot about it. Long story short we split a few months later for very different reasons.

Plot twist:

One day I bump into two of the barmaids who work for Charlie, they informed me that my ex was always going into Charlie’s office every time she visited therefore what I witnessed, wasn’t the first time. The ladies also told me that my ex would often receive free drinks but only after every meeting they had in his office and in that order.

So for over three years she was going into his office and every time he would give her free alcohol. Eventually I confronted my ex about this matter. Naturally she was defensive, claiming they were just friends and that they were just doing - “business” in his office however she would never clarify what type of business. She then tells me that there were times she was alone with him after business hours. She claimed she would sometimes stay with him to ensure he would drop her back home safely.

She then tells me that one time he gave her extra free drinks with shots and cornered her in his office. He made advances to her but she resisted him. When I asked her why he was always giving her free drinks her reply was - “because he hoping to get somewhere.” At the end of the conversation I was left miserable, confused and insulted. Furthermore she would also say this and I quote - “and even if I did have sex with Charlie, I wouldn’t tell you.”

The two barmaids had also informed me that my ex began dating other men from the pub and one particular night, she literally seduced Charlie at the bar whilst her date for the evening looked away with shame. They told me she flirted with him and told him she wanted to go home with him but ironically she got off with the DJ that night instead abandoning her date and Charlie in the process LMFAO!

I’ve met Charlie three times and every time he was very awkward with me. Never smiled, or cracked a joke, he wouldn’t even talk to me, in fact he seemed envious/jealous of my relationship with my ex. He just gave off this awkward energy every time I met him. The last time i saw him (after the split) he had the nerve to ask me why we split to which he asked - “too much sex?”

Anyway what do you guys think? Clearly somethings not right, something doesn’t add up. Unfortunately I will never know the truth, it will always remain ambiguous, controversial.

I’m happier without her now but it still takes the biscuit.

The irony is during the years that we were together, I’d always get suspicious about her affiliations with other men but the one man I never considered a threat, might have been the biggest threat of them all.

Have any of you experienced something similar? Can any of you relate and what do you guys think? I appreciate the feedback.

[Rob]

I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through such a challenging situation in your relationship. It's clear that this has been a complex and emotionally charged experience for you. Let's break down the key elements and offer some perspective and advice.

Firstly, trust is crucial in any relationship, and the dynamics you've described involving your ex and Charlie are undoubtedly troubling. It's understandable that witnessing your ex's interactions with Charlie raised suspicions, especially considering the amount of time spent in his office and the uncomfortable physical contact you observed.

The revelation about the lewd text message adds another layer of complexity. It's important to acknowledge that alcohol can impair judgment, and your ex's flirtatious nature, particularly when intoxicated, may have contributed to misunderstandings. However, the fact that she initially claimed to have cut ties with Charlie due to the text message and later denied receiving it raises valid concerns about transparency and honesty.

Discovering that your ex was regularly receiving free drinks after private meetings in Charlie's office, as disclosed by the barmaids, adds further cause for concern. While friendships can develop in unexpected ways, the combination of secretive office meetings and the exchange of free drinks might understandably raise suspicions.

Your ex's admission that she had been alone with Charlie after business hours and the revelation that he made advances, even if resisted, intensifies the gravity of the situation. It's crucial to establish clear boundaries in any friendship, especially when one party is in a committed relationship. Her explanation that she stayed with him to ensure a safe ride home is valid but should have prompted a discussion about appropriate boundaries.

The barmaids' accounts of your ex dating other men from the pub and her flirtatious encounter with Charlie on a particular night paint a picture of behavior that can be hurtful and disrespectful in a committed relationship. It's important to reflect on whether these actions align with your values and expectations in a partner.

Charlie's behavior towards you during your encounters adds another layer of discomfort. His apparent envy or jealousy and the inappropriate question about your sex life post-breakup suggest a lack of respect for personal boundaries.

In moving forward, it's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being. Ending the relationship was a significant step, and acknowledging that you're happier without her is a positive realization. Trust your instincts and the decision you made for your own happiness.

Closure may be challenging to attain in this situation, given the ambiguity and conflicting stories. However, focusing on personal growth and learning from the experience can be a constructive approach. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a counselor to help process the emotions and gain clarity on your feelings.

Remember that every relationship is unique, and what matters most is finding a connection built on trust, open communication, and mutual respect. While this experience may have left you feeling uneasy, it can serve as a valuable lesson in setting boundaries and choosing partners who align with your values.

If you find it challenging to navigate the emotions surrounding this situation, seeking professional counseling can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop strategies for moving forward positively. Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is essential as you continue your journey toward happiness and fulfillment.

[Sandra]

I understand that ending a four-year relationship can be a challenging and emotional experience, and it's natural to seek the opinions of others to gain some clarity and perspective. The story you've shared about your ex and her relationship with Charlie certainly raises some concerns and leaves you feeling confused and hurt. It's important to acknowledge and process these emotions, so let's explore some possible interpretations and offer guidance.

It's important to recognize that every situation is unique, and people's opinions may vary based on their own experiences and perspectives. However, I can provide some general insights and considerations that may help you navigate this situation.

From your description, it appears that there were several red flags in your ex's interactions with Charlie. The extended time spent in his office, the tight physical contact, and the allegations of inappropriate text messages all contribute to a sense of discomfort and suspicion. It's understandable that these actions would raise concerns for you and prompt you to question the nature of their relationship.

It's important to trust your instincts and acknowledge your feelings of unease. While your ex may insist that their relationship was purely professional or friendly, the behaviors you witnessed and the information shared by the barmaids suggest otherwise. The fact that she received free drinks after every meeting in Charlie's office may indicate a level of favoritism or a more intimate connection between them.

When confronted, your ex admitted to spending time alone with Charlie after business hours and mentioned that he made advances toward her. These revelations further add to the complexity of the situation and leave you feeling betrayed.

It's important to remember that you deserve to be in a relationship built on trust, respect, and open communication. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel consistently suspicious or inadequate, it may be a sign that the relationship is not healthy or fulfilling. Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and if it's repeatedly violated, it can erode the foundation of love and emotional security.

Moving forward, it's essential to focus on your own healing and personal growth. Ending a long-term relationship can be challenging, but it can also be an opportunity for self-reflection and self-discovery. Take the time to process your emotions, seek support from trusted friends or family members, and consider engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

It's also important to remember that everyone's experiences are different, and what may have happened in your situation might not be universal. However, it can be helpful to hear the perspectives of others who have experienced similar situations. Sharing your story and seeking feedback can provide validation and a sense of solidarity. Online support groups, forums, or counseling services can be valuable resources for connecting with individuals who have gone through similar experiences.

In conclusion, it's clear that the dynamics between your ex and Charlie were concerning and caused you significant distress. Trust your instincts and acknowledge your feelings, as they are valid. Focus on your own healing and growth, and seek support from trusted friends, family, or professional counselors. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship built on trust, respect, and open communication.