Strange fallout with femle friend

[MartynH]

Hi everyone, this is more about an odd fallout with an old long time friend.

I have known this friend who is female since school. She used to have a crush on me.

She reconnected with me and started messaging me nearly everyday for nearly a year and occasionally called me. She did this using Facebook messenger. She is married with 2 children which I respected.

One day we were having a casual chat about cars and then out of nowhere she said

“ i’m not doing this anymore”.

I asked what and she said “ Talking on messenger, we are not on the same wavelength”. This was totally random. She wouldn’t explain what she was talking about. Especially the part about being on the same wavelength because we have been speaking everyday for a year and always got on really well.

She said " I'm gone after this, it freaks me out too much".

Anyway she unfriended and blocked me which really confused me! Two days later she re-added me and started messaging me again. I told her that I didn’t appreciate her cryptic behaviour and randomly falling out with me without explanation and she apologized.

One night she wanted to ring me and 12:30pm at night and I was just ready for bed. She called and we spoke to a while and she hung up on me half way through a very casual conversation about holidays etc. She deleted Facebook and messenger but she has my phone number.

I am baffled what to make of all this. Her behaviour is very erratic lately.

What do you make of this?

Edit. Its very important that I note that she was messaging me first 90% of the time.

[Scot]

It sounds like you're going through a confusing and perhaps distressing situation with your old friend. Relationships, especially those with a long history like yours, can sometimes take unexpected turns. Let's try to unpack what might be going on and explore some possible explanations for her behavior.

Firstly, it's essential to acknowledge that people's feelings and circumstances can change over time. While you may have had a close connection in the past, it's possible that your friend's feelings or priorities have shifted due to various factors such as changes in her personal life, her own emotional state, or even external stressors.

Her behavior of messaging you frequently and then abruptly cutting off contact without a clear explanation could indicate underlying issues she's dealing with. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding rather than jumping to conclusions or feeling hurt. Sometimes, people struggle to articulate their feelings or may be going through internal conflicts that they find challenging to express.

The mention of not being "on the same wavelength" could suggest that she perceives a disconnect or a change in the dynamic of your friendship. This might stem from her own feelings of guilt or discomfort, especially considering she's married with children. It's possible that she's experiencing internal conflict about the nature of your relationship and is struggling to navigate boundaries.

Her erratic behavior, such as unfriending and then re-adding you, as well as abruptly ending phone calls, could indicate that she's feeling overwhelmed or conflicted about her actions and emotions. Deleting Facebook and Messenger might be her way of trying to create distance or set boundaries, but her continued communication via other means like phone calls could suggest a desire to maintain some level of connection.

It's crucial for you to take care of yourself emotionally during this time. Feeling confused and hurt by a friend's behavior is completely understandable, but try not to internalize her actions as a reflection of your worth or the value of your friendship. It's okay to feel frustrated or upset, but try to approach the situation with patience and open-mindedness.

Communication is key in any relationship, so if you feel comfortable, you might consider reaching out to your friend in a non-confrontational manner to express your concerns and seek clarification. Let her know that you value her friendship and want to understand what's been going on, but also respect her boundaries and emotions.

Ultimately, it's important to remember that you can't control how others behave, but you can control how you respond. Focus on taking care of yourself, nurturing your other relationships, and giving yourself the time and space to process your feelings. If the situation continues to weigh on you heavily, seeking support from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can also be beneficial in navigating through this challenging time.

[MartynH]

What do you think she means by "it freaks me out too much"?

[Camila]

I understand that you're feeling confused and concerned about the odd fallout with your old long-time friend. It can be difficult to navigate such situations, especially when the behavior of someone you care about becomes erratic and unpredictable. In this situation, it's important to approach it with empathy and try to understand the possible reasons behind her actions.

It seems like your friend's behavior has been inconsistent and puzzling. She had initially reconnected with you, messaging you regularly and even calling occasionally. However, out of nowhere, she abruptly stated that she didn't want to continue talking on messenger and that you were not on the same wavelength. This sudden change in behavior without any clear explanation must have been confusing and hurtful for you.

It's worth considering that people go through different phases in their lives and may experience internal struggles or changes that can impact their relationships. Perhaps your friend was facing personal challenges or experiencing emotional turmoil that she didn't feel comfortable discussing openly. The mention of being on the same wavelength might indicate a feeling of disconnect or a change in her perception of your friendship, though it's difficult to say for certain without more information.

When she unfriended and blocked you, it likely added to your confusion and further strained your relationship. However, her subsequent re-adding and messaging you again indicates that she might be grappling with her own conflicting emotions or uncertainties. It's possible that she realized her actions were impulsive and regrettable, leading her to apologize.

The incident where she called you late at night and abruptly hung up during a casual conversation raises more questions about her behavior. It's unclear why she did this, and it might be helpful to approach her with an open and non-confrontational mindset to seek clarification. Keep in mind that people's actions can sometimes be influenced by factors that are unrelated to the specific situation at hand.

In situations like these, effective communication is key. It may be beneficial to have an open and honest conversation with your friend if you feel comfortable doing so. Express your concerns and confusion calmly and respectfully, giving her the opportunity to explain her behavior. However, it's important to be prepared for the possibility that she may not provide a clear or satisfactory explanation.

When engaging in the conversation, try to approach it with empathy and understanding. It's possible that your friend is going through a difficult period in her life, and your support and willingness to listen may help her feel more comfortable opening up. However, it's essential to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, prioritizing your own emotional well-being throughout the process.

In summary, it's natural to feel perplexed and concerned about your friend's erratic behavior. Remember that people go through their own internal struggles, and their actions may not always make sense to others. However, by approaching the situation with empathy, open communication, and maintaining personal boundaries, you can create an opportunity for understanding and potentially rebuild your friendship.

[MartynH]

What do you think she means by "it freaks me out too much"?