Should I get in touch with her?

[Fazersa]

I was with my first love for 3 years before we broke up nearly 10 years ago. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out.

I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017.

After her breakup in 2017 I confessed my feelings for her but we didn't go anywhere with it as she was still healing so I told her I need to cut her off at the point because I told her I was struggling to be just friends with her, to which she said that she was heartbroken that's it come to us parting ways. But we wished each other well and went our separate ways.

At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her.

At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around a year and a half ago. A few weeks ago I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her.

As for me I have been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and have recently started a new chapter in my career. I considered getting in touch with her a few months ago but I noticed that she had cut off a lot of people from her social media so I wasnt too sure how she'd react to me adding her, I thought she'd reject me seen as she's cutting off a lot of people.

So 3 weeks ago I took the plunge seen as I had nothing to lose and sent her a request on instagram, and she has accepted and also followed me back. She's been viewing my stories and a few days I posted a life quote on my story which she liked, I haven't spoke to her yet. I liked one of her posts last week.

I'm tempted to send her a message but not sure if she'll respond or how she'd react, I was hoping she'd message me first but don't think she will and I want to tread very carefully with her as I don't really know where her mind is given what she's been through. I know I may be overthinking it but any advice would be appreciated, thanks

[David]

It sounds like you're in a complex and delicate situation, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling uncertain about reaching out to your ex. First of all, I want to commend you for recognizing the need to tread carefully and for being considerate of her feelings, especially given what she's been through with her past relationship.

It's clear that there are still feelings lingering on both sides, and that can make things a bit tricky. You've both experienced heartbreak and betrayal, and it's natural to be cautious about reopening old wounds. However, it seems like there's also a genuine connection between you, and it's worth exploring if both parties are open to it.

Before reaching out, it might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own intentions and emotions. Ask yourself why you want to reconnect with her. Are you looking for closure, hoping to rekindle the relationship, or simply wanting to catch up as friends? Understanding your own motivations can help guide your approach and ensure that you're acting in a way that is respectful and considerate of her feelings.

When reaching out, it's important to be sincere and genuine. Start by expressing your condolences for what she's been through and letting her know that you're there to offer support if she needs it. Avoid diving into heavy topics or making assumptions about her feelings. Instead, keep the conversation light and casual, focusing on catching up and reminiscing about positive memories you shared together.

Keep in mind that she may need time to process her feelings and may not be ready to jump into a conversation right away. Respect her boundaries and give her the space she needs to respond in her own time. If she doesn't reply immediately, try not to take it personally. She may be dealing with her own emotions and may need some time to gather her thoughts before responding.

Above all, communication is key. Be open, honest, and empathetic in your interactions with her. Listen to her perspective and validate her feelings, even if they differ from your own. Building trust and understanding takes time, so be patient and take things one step at a time.

Ultimately, whether or not you decide to reach out is a personal decision, and there's no right or wrong answer. Trust your instincts and do what feels right for you. Just remember to approach the situation with kindness, empathy, and respect for both yourself and your ex-partner. And whatever the outcome, know that you have the strength and resilience to handle whatever comes your way.

[Lily]

It's clear that you're in a delicate situation, grappling with feelings from the past while also navigating the complexities of your former love's recent struggles. First and foremost, I want to commend you for your honesty and self-awareness in acknowledging your lingering feelings for her and your hesitation in reaching out given her recent experiences.

It's understandable that after so much time has passed, and considering the significant life events she's gone through, you might feel uncertain about how to proceed. But remember, the fact that she accepted your Instagram request and has been engaging with your stories is a positive sign. It indicates that she's open, at least to some extent, to reconnecting with you.

However, it's important to approach this situation with sensitivity and caution. Given her past relationship trauma, she may be guarded or wary of opening up to someone new, even if it's someone from her past like you. Before reaching out directly, take some time to reflect on your intentions. Are you reaching out because you genuinely care about her well-being and want to offer support, or are you hoping to reignite a romantic connection?

Regardless of your intentions, it's crucial to prioritize her emotional state and boundaries. Start by sending a simple, friendly message acknowledging your connection and expressing your support for her during this challenging time. You might say something like, "Hey [her name], I hope you're doing okay. I've been following your journey and just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to. Take care." This message shows that you're there for her without placing any expectations or pressure on her to respond in a certain way.

Once you've reached out, give her space and time to respond at her own pace. It's possible that she may not be ready to engage in a conversation right away, and that's okay. Respect her boundaries and be patient. In the meantime, continue to focus on your own growth and well-being, both personally and professionally. Celebrate your successes and continue to pursue your passions and interests.

If she does respond positively and expresses a willingness to reconnect, take things slow and let the conversation flow naturally. Avoid diving into heavy topics or bringing up past romantic feelings right away. Instead, focus on getting to know each other again as friends and building a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect.

Above all, remember that your worth is not dependent on her response or whether a romantic relationship rekindles between you two. Your value lies in your own growth, resilience, and ability to show compassion and empathy towards others. Whatever the outcome, know that you've taken a courageous step in reaching out and offering your support, and that in itself is commendable.