Advice

[Wayne]

I have been dating this girl for about 8 months we have some great times together there are up's and down like when we don't agree and I try to explain stuff to her she say that I am aggressive in the way that I talk to her but that's just the way I talk when i try to explain myself so I started to coach myself on the way that I talk. So on Monday I messaged my gf and asked her what is she going to have for lunch and she said that 1 of her friend is here so she might go to lunch with him. Keep in mind that she works for a big company with many locations so he came at that location to work for the day. So my response was with him u say so she called me and she said yes with him and I said your can't be going to lunch with a man she was furious and hung up the phone I called her back and tried to explain to her that I don't know this friend never heard she mentioned him before so she said because I don't know him doesn't mean that she can't go to lunch with him and she hung up I tried to call her back about 5 times I got no answer. So later the afternoon she called back but I didn't answer and I didn't return her call. When I got home I didn't talk to her but she still made me dinner I ate and went to bed and got up and left for work in the morning. We talk on what's app normal during the day and in the afternoon she called me and asked me what I have on my mind my response was yes I do so I explained to her that I didn't like the way that she treated me the other day and I felt disrespected by her going to lunch with some 1 that I don't no anything about and how she hung up on me and she started to explain that she didn't see a problem with going for lunch with a friend because she knows that she is in a relationship and she didn't find it was disrespectful and she wouldn't have a problem with me going to lunch with a female friend once I know that I am in a relationship and I stop her from talking and I kinda lost my cool over the phone and she started to cry I didn't mean for her to cry and now she doesn't want to be with me again because she say that she say too many red flags and is bess she ent it before it escalate I am not a violent person she said no one never spoke to her like that and she have reach her limit but I am willing to change and seek help just to fix that problem. What do u all have any advice for me what yall think I should do I really love her and she is the only 1 that I'm seeing a future with. I need advice help me please.

[shrah25]

Hi Wayne

Thanks for your message.

Firstly, I totally understand how you must be feeling. There's one thing thing that the vast majority of the population don't understand and that is that men are highly insecure. We get jealous very easily and we don't cope with rejection all that well. So believe me, I really understand how you must be feeling.

Having said that though, it's really important that you grasp what i'm about to say because if you don't, you are going to continue to run into problems in every relationship you get into.

We can try and analyse who she's catching up with and what her intentions were but the truth of the matter is that, this is not what you should be focussing on.

What you need to spend your time focussing on is the reason why you got so jealous and why you came across as such a controlling partner. No women wants to be controlled in a relationship and those who do are most probably dealing with self worth issues of their own.

Now I definitely believe in boundaries in a relationship but in this particular situation, the standard of behaviour that was conducted was only going to lead to pain. e.g Telling her that she can't go to lunch with a man, Not answering her calls etc. This sort of behaviour is a disaster waiting to happen and will cause the relationship to end very quickly. In her words, they were red flags and if you want to turn this around, you must make a commitment to addressing some of your internal challenges around jealousy and controlling behaviour.

At this stage, I know very little about your partner so I can't make any comments about her but all I know is that if we truly want to make changes in our relationship, we must take ownership and responsibility for the part that we play in the relationship and make a commitment to change it. Then, and only then, will things turn around.

It sounds like you truly love her and that's a wonderful thing but if you truly do love her, you need to turn this behaviour around and really act with love.

I hope all this makes sense. I know i've been a little stern with my words here but i'm doing so because I see too many people make this mistake over and over and continue to destroy their relationships. I admire your willingness to improve - it's a rare quality and with that sort of intent, you can change it all.

But it requires action and commitment.

Happy to provide you with further guidance should you need it.

Thanks
Sri

[Judith]

Girls won't forgive anyone easily. It will take some effort to make them happy again and forget your mistake. If you really want to say sorry to your girlfriend, be realistic. Don't simply say I'm sorry to your girlfriend.. Girls can mind-read almost all the time, so say it from your heart. Be responsible for your mistake. Admit that whatever you did was wrong, and it won't ever happen again. Tell her the reason why you behaved like that. Have good eye contact, don't lie.

Try to say I'm sorry to your girlfriend as soon as you did something wrong. But don't make it a habit to make mistakes frequently and ask sorry immediately every time. If you have done a terrible big mistake, then go straight to her, look into her eyes and say I'm sorry to your girlfriend. Explain to her why it happened, and how heart-fully you feel sorry for the incident. If there is an argument, let her speak. Let her tell her point of view, and finally when she is finished, tell her you are sorry. But don't ever argue with her at this time.

If she still seems to be angry and not talking to you, then give her some time to cool off. Let her take some time to think. In the meantime, don't make her angry with continuous phone calls, checking for the status. Be patient. Be cool.

After a day or two, you can send her some flowers which she likes the most, along with an excellent sorry note or if you can write a poem, that would be the best. A girl likes touchy things. So, let the writings be touchy. Add some happy moments from the past, and say her that you wanted to be with her always. You can also send her a memorable gift with a sorry note. If they know that they are remembered always and you want them to forgive, they will be happier and the relationship will long last forever.

Time is one of the key factor and you need to keep conveying the message that you care for her forever. After some time, she would surely come back to you when the moment she realizes how truly you are feeling sorry for the mistake and how sincerely you want her back in your life.

[Jane]

If you want to woo and win your girl's heart then you can learn how to be sweet to your girlfriend and keep her happy. The trick is to find out how to keep her happy, and with a little effort and know-how you can do it.

So how do you start? Here are a few things to consider and put into practice:

Let her know how you feel - Tell her you love her, but be careful not to overdo this otherwise it loses meaning. You can change it up by doing a number of different things like: leave her a loving note by her bedside, or send her card expressing something you like about her, or make a list of all the things you love about her and read it to her when you are together somewhere quiet like a park, or write out a love poem and recite it one evening when out for dinner... you get the picture, you are only limited by your imagination.

Let her see your affectionate side - When you are out and about, slip your arm around her as you are walking together, or hold her hand. Sometimes just give her a hug when she least expects it. Ask her what she likes when it comes to physical affection and surprise her on occasions, especially if she is having a hard day.

Listen to her - Sometimes when she is upset she needs you to just listen to her, and unless she asks for a solution, try not to solve her problem; just listen to her.

Look at what you like about her and compliment her - Let her know what you like and appreciate about her. Your girl needs to know how you feel about her and what you like about her, and she will love being complimented, especially by you.

Let your words be encouraging and uplifting - Even in an argument, don't put your girlfriend down or be unkind. Do your best and do not get personal, and if you do slip up and say something you regret, ask her to forgive you and don't say it again.

Let her know that you are happy being with her - Make time to take her to movies that you know she will like and be spontaneous from time to time. Arrange a nice surprise, for example, a weekend away together to somewhere where she has always wanted to go.

Making a little extra effort to make your girl happy will ultimately make both of you happy and will build shared memories that will strengthen the bonds between you. If your future together is important and she is important to you, then see this as an investment in that future, and it is worth building that with the woman you love.

Anything worth having is worth working for and this is no different. This may well be the most important relationship of your life and potentially, the basis for your future family, so it is worthwhile laying down a good solid foundation to build that future on.

If you are stuck on ideas on how to be sweet to your girlfriend, there are good books available that have heaps of advice and ideas that you can use. The idea does not have to be yours, only that it is you doing them for your lady; that is what will matter to her.