Did I Cheat?

[jm5423]

My girlfriend and I met online and dated for about 8 months. About 4 months in I was trying to cancel my subscription and noticed her profile actively online. I gave her the benefit of the doubt the first time but checked back a week later to see again her profile was online. Fearing that she was searching around, I uploaded a new photo to my profile in the case I would need to join the online dating market again. Anyway after I did this I confronted her about her activity. She denied that she was ever online and wasn't sure how that happened. After that she put her profile in hiding - Mine was already in hiding. In my mind it was resolved by her doing this.

Now fast forward 4 months, she said she was trying to deactivate her account and logged back in. She saw this picture that I had uploaded 4 months earlier. My profile was in hiding so I'm not sure how she saw it. Probably because we had a profile connection 8 months earlier. Anyway after seeing this she broke up with me and said I had lied and cheated on her. She said I cheated because I uploaded a photo on a dating website and lied because I didn't tell her about it. I sincerely apologized that I should have confronted her before assuming the worst and uploading the photo. Now she said she has lost all her trust in me and can't take me back.

She said by me uploading this photo that I was cheating and unfaithful. I need some opinions from others. Do you agree that this is cheating?

[Elizabeth]

I think she over reacted to the situation. If you have uploaded the picture 4 months ago and not recently, it's not cheating. Did you explain to her that you uploaded the picture 4 months ago?

[jm5423]

Yes, I did explain it to her. I also offered to show her all my text and voice records over the last 4 months to show there was nothing going on but she refuses to take me up on it.

[Elizabeth]

Yes, I did explain it to her. I also offered to show her all my text and voice records over the last 4 months to show there was nothing going on but she refuses to take me up on it.

This is a strange thing for anyone to do. It may be that she has someone else in her life and she is trying to find an excuse to breakup with you. However, I suggest you give her space and allow things to calm down, before thinking of making any move towards reconciliation.

[Damian]

Saying sorry to your girlfriend can seem like the hardest thing in the world. But sometimes you have to swallow your pride and just apologise to your girlfriend - if you want to keep her, that is. Sometimes, you can't even figure out why she is demanding that you say sorry, and you can't remember that you did anything wrong or something to upset her.

It doesn't matter! Your girlfriend is sure you have made a mistake, and nothing you can argue will change her mind on the matter. She is being stubborn, and until this problem can be fixed, you relationship is going nowhere fast.

By the way, there are not too many boyfriends skilled enough in the psychology of women who can get them to apologise first. If you are able to do that, then you are one of an elite group of guys, that's for sure.

So, let's get onto the part where you actually say sorry to your girlfriend.

The first way for a boyfriend to apologise to his girl is by way of admitting guilt and fault. In this version of the apology, you simply tell your girl that you unreservedly, totally and completely accept all blame for whatever it is you did wrong that has caused her emotional distress and anguish. Whether you are sincere about this or not, doesn't matter. As long as she believes that you mean it, then you have succeeded. You need to learn how to make an unreserved apology under all circumstances - whether you have done wrong or not. Guys, if you are too proud to be able to do this, then we have to move onto another form of apology that might work.

The second way of saying sorry to your woman is to just hint at it. Using this tactic, you turn the focus on the situation. You say for example, "Honey, I'm sorry for the way things turned out there," or "I'm so sorry that accident happened." In this way, you spare yourself the imagined indignity of saying that you, personally, are accountable for whatever happened.

But, by far and away the best and most rewarding way to say sorry to your girlfriend, is to give her a present. Yes, women are at their most forgiving when their men turn up at the door with a beautiful and fragrant bouquet of flowers. Most of the traditional gifts will (usually) work wonders. Using this method, you can even openly admit that you are sorry by jotting down a few humble words in a card that accompanies your gift. If you include tickets to the movies, then you are sure to be forgiven for whatever you did (or didn't) do. By laying on the presents, you may even score an apology from your woman. This is because you are softening her up by showing your love through your generosity of spirit. Not many women are able to maintain any kind of anger or grudges when their guy brings a peace offering.

[jm5423]

I don't think there was anyone else. Just a couple weeks before the breakup she told me that she would marry me if I asked her. But then she broke up with me and her profile was updated and back online the next day. I don't see how she can move on so quickly.