Wife recently moved and it's a strange situation

[Matt]

So a couple of months ago, my wife asked for a separation. To me, it was kind of out of the blue, although I knew we didn't have the best relationship for awhile. She said we were basically "roommates". We both did all the typical things that happen during a breakup..She said "I love you but I'm not in love with you", and I did all the typical begging and pleading, multiple texts, arguing. At first, she wanted to stay in the house, and things were going ok. Then she said some really nasty stuff and I told her to get out. We went out that night and talked about it and everything was better. In fact, we were getting along great. Then, we got into an argument one morning and she packed up the kids and our dogs and moved back to Wyoming were she's from.

She also just changed her last name back on Facebook and blocked me, and she's very cold towards me. The strange thing though is that she says she is going to continue to help pay the bills for our house and cars and when she left, she left most of her stuff at our house in Colorado. I'm sure she is going to soon stop helping and come get her stuff, but could she be thinking something else? She already has the kids in school up there and quite her job here. Also, I really want to change her mind and have her come back. I know the generic rules to follow: become more confident, no contact, work on yourself, etc., but does anyone have any good advice on how to handle this and what she may be doing as far as if she's serious about leaving for good or just to get away for awhile.

[Rachael]

With any marriage, it can be difficult to find a common ground to start all over again especially if you already agreed to have some time off and separate. But if you are willing enough to do this, then there would always be a way to make your marriage work the second time around.

First, you have to prepare yourself with enough patience to make this work. You will need to know that since it is relationship, promises and plans that are broken, this may be a time consuming process. Healing would always be difficult but once you are aware of the things that can help you save your marriage, then this can be easier.

Always think for the both of you and respect each decision that has been done. You can still win your wife back if you can show her that giving you a second chance is worth it. You should keep yourself in the proper judgment and be patient in pursuing her. If you are already aware of the things that made your relationship fail, then make efforts in planning a new relationship and avoid repeating the events that caused your problems. You should avoid the actions that would only aggravate the problem that you already have so be wary of what you do with your partner.

You can think of possible means of how do I get my wife back after separation from what others have done. If these ways are successful for some people you know, this does not automatically mean that it would also work for you. Every marriage and relationship is different and there are more factors that must be considered as they can affect the decisions of the couple. What you can do is to simply acknowledge your faults and lay out a plan that can help your relationship work this time. You have to keep a communication line open as it would help you understand each other's needs. You have to know that even if you have differences, you still have to deal with them and find a common ground where both of you can understand the other partner. This is important if you really want to make your marriage work.

It would be needed that you think on ways on how do I get my wife back after separation but it would still be necessary that you take the proper actions to do so. Planning out is important but you need to make your wife feel that she can be secured with you and you have plans to make things better for your family. If you still have other problems, you have to deal with it and be sure that you already know what is the problem and the solutions for it.

[Scot]

You have to make some changes to your behavior and personality if you seriously want to make sure that she comes back and stays for good. There's no point bringing her back if it just means that you're going to toy with her and show her that she was better off without you. It takes a real man to swallow their pride and realize that they're just not being as good a husband that they can be. Sure we can be short-tempered or stingy, but ultimately, all we want is the best for our family. Ask yourself this: have you been putting the interests of your family as a first priority?

You have to look at your relationship in a mirror. You look in the mirror and you currently see a crack between you and your wife. It's there because you broke the mirror. Look closer and see what made the crack in the first place. Maybe, after a while, the crack might disappear... if you don't let what caused it in the first place near your relationship ever again. Arguing in front of the kids is one of the things you want to avoid from the start of your marriage. You want to show them that two grown adults can discuss things civilly and not have to come to blows about it.

As soon as you've decided to be a man and take the reigns on your family and steer them back to where you want it to go, read the following three points that regular men have used to make their wife come back home so they can talk things through:

1. There's one thing that really annoys the heck out of women and that's men who say something but never do it, ie. men that don't stand by their word. There's no point saying, "you'll change", if it's just all going to be a whole deja vu moment and she ends up leaving you again. Prove to her that you're for real. She married a man that she trusted and she left you because you broke her trust. She wants to trust you again, but you have to prove to her that you can be trusted again. Only then is she coming back and staying.

2. Your wife isn't your maid. She might clean and make meals for everybody, but if she felt that she wasn't acknowledged for this, there's no point for her to come back. Show a bit of appreciation and she'll realize that you will have changed for the better. There's not a lot of reason for your wife to come back if she's just going to be shoved into the kitchen again. Show your wife that you've changed by cooking once in a while and either taking your share of the housework or being able to ask your children to do the same thing. She wants a man of the house, not another little boy to raise.

3. Us guys like to think that we know it all. Heck, even when we know we don't know the answer to something, just to assert our "manliness", we will pretend that we know the answer. Apologizing to your woman will show that you've changed to someone more humble. Only because you're humble, doesn't mean you're not confident. Someone who is able to apologize when they are wrong has the gift of empathy and is able identify when they've upset someone. If you want to show that you've changed, demonstrate that you're more empathetic and sensitive to your wife's feelings. There's such a thing as apologizing too much and not apologizing at all. You have to inhabit the sweet spot in between and only apologize when necessary. If you're able to show your woman that you understand what she expects from you when you're in the wrong, you will show her that you're listening to her. As a result, she has no reason to believe that you haven't changed, giving her some pretty convincing arguments for her to come back to you.