He has told me he likes me, but just wants to 'be friends for the time being'.

[Gholett]

Hi everybody, I just needed a bit of perspective here. I've been seeing a guy casually for the last 6 months. He's incredibly busy and has a very strong focus on his career. The other night I kept pushing for clarification on our status and where we were going. I sent him texts the next day trying to keep the conversation going. He likes me and told me he wants to keep me in his life but that he can't be dating anybody right night because he just wants to focus on his career. He told me he would be in a better place to talk about it 2 weeks or so. So I sent him a message telling him how I felt, and I acknowledge I let my insecurity and hurt drive me to push and push. Yesterday he sent me a message saying that he honestly doesn't feel comfortable talking about romantic and relationship stuff at this time of his life, and doesn't want to lead me on. The other night he told me he thinks I'm 'cool as ' and that he wants to keep me in his life. The message he sent yesterday, he told me that he thinks I'm great. Previous texts I sent him flagging the possibility of meeting friends and going on fun dates were met with positivity and receptiveness. So when he sent me the message yesterday telling me that he 'thinks we should just be friends for the time being'... well, I'm confused.

Do you think he's being genuine? I asked him if he could clarify what exactly that meant (whether it was a soft break up or he genuinely just wanted space), and I admit I kept pestering him, then asked if I could call him. He said no, that he was way to busy and didn't want to talk about it that night. So I responded with a message saying that I understand and that I think we should just foster a friendship with no expectations, I also said that if things are meant to be then they will happen organically. I'm going to let go of my expectations as I know they have possibly driven off this great guy for good. I told him to reach out if he wants us to try again, and when I mentioned some fun things we could do as friends he said it all 'sounds good', and he thanked me for respecting his boundaries (as I had told him that I don't want to cross anymore boundaries just because of my feelings.

So yeah. My questions are: 1. Do you think he really is just being honest and wants to focus on his career and will be happy to re-engage later (Ie: Why would he want to remain just friends but then add 'for the time being' if he wasn't interested in me)? 2. Has anyone here ever broken up with an ex, built a friendship and then had it develop into a relationship later on? 3. Do you think my actions are irredeemable? I want to drop the expectations and just go back to dating, square one (not with him, just for myself so I don't get tunnel vision and build new expectations). I definitely want to be open to trying again with this guy, but I want to build a friendship based off of neutral expectations while keeping an open mind. Would love to hear your thoughts, thanks everyone!

[John]

I heard from a woman who said: "I've been seeing this guy for about two months. It feels serious to me. I think I might be in love with him. I think that I might want to marry him one day. The other night, I started hinting at this and he stopped me cold and said he really likes me but he just isn't ready for a relationship. He stressed that he values me as a very close friend. I know that he had a nasty break up right before he met me. So I think that he's telling the truth about that. But the whole 'I just want to be friends' thing has me very sad. It would be better if he said he wanted to take our romantic relationship slowly but he didn't. He said he just wants to be my friend. What does this mean? And how should I proceed? Should I just keep seeing him as friends? Or do I give up and walk away?" I will try to address these concerns.

Many Married Couples Today Started Out As Just Friends: I know that things might seem dire right now, but there are countless happily married couples today who started their relationship as just friends. In fact, many of them were on the receiving end of one of them not being ready for a relationship and yet, here they are happily married. So what he is saying today doesn't necessarily have to dictate your future. People's feelings and intentions change. This man was telling this woman that she was very important to him and that he wanted to continue seeing her. Yes, he was trying to redefine the relationship, but he wasn't trying to end it.

He's Not Asking You To Leave His Life: More to the point, if he had no interest in a relationship with her whatsoever, he likely would not have stressed how important she was to his life. Men who don't want any type of relationship with you will often either make that clear or they will cut off the communication quite quickly after the "I just want to be friends" speech. Neither was the case here. He wasn't trying to get this woman out of his life. Quite the contrary, he was stressing how important she was to him.

If He Wants To Be Friends, What's To Stop You From Being Friendly?: It's interesting to note that most of the time when women ask me if they should just bow out after a man tells the that he just wants to be friends, it's often very clear that this is the last thing that they want to do. It's often very clear that they want to remain in his life, but they are so hurt by his words that they are tempted to just give up. I know that this can hurt. But if he is really important to you, what's the harm in pursuing a friendship to see where it leads? There is no reason to assume that he's not telling the truth about not being ready for a romantic relationship. It was well known that this man had a nasty breakup. He was allowed to take some time to heal. In fact, taking time to heal ensures that the next relationship has a chance to succeed.

So there was really no reason to doubt what he was saying. And since he was so important to this woman, then a good strategy might be to continue on with a fun friendship and see where that leads. In fact, this really can be sweet time in a relationship. And happy, healthy relationships often come out of bonds that were first friendships. See this as an opportunity to build a foundation with this man. What harm can it do?

Only Time Will Tell What His Future Intentions Truly Are: I know that you want me to tell you what he's thinking. But he's the only one with those answers. However, the good news is that often, the truth will reveal itself with time. If he continues wanting to spend time with you and seeks you out, then it's pretty obvious that he's warming more toward a relationship all the time. But, you really do have to keep a positive attitude and just see what his behavior will tell you. If he's as important as this young women was implying, it's likely that this process would have been worth it.

[Dennis]

This phrase "Lets just be friends" can be used under two situations. Firstly, when the person wants to convey the message that he is sure that the relationship is not going to work out and wants you to spare him an ugly or a messy break up which would attract unnecessary attention. Though such a case is a rarity.

Secondly, it can be used in the sense that he needs time to analyze the relationship and though wants to end it now but cares enough for you to want you by his side as a friend. Its on you to decide that the person who has said it to you falls in which category.

Relationships cease to exist not because the person has stopped caring for you or has stopped loving you. It so happens that he is confused about the way he wants you in your life and the course of your relationship. He may not be sure of the future of the relationship. He needs space and time to determine the importance you hold for him. And time to decide whether he needs you just as a friend or as something more than that. That will require him to be away from you and that is the only way to test one's heart. So that he can judge his feelings for you. When he says, "let's just be friends", it means that he doesn't want you to go away from him.

A relationship contains a sea full of sentiments and emotions. Sometimes we find it difficult to comprehend them. The brain tells us to do things quite differently compared to what our heart says. The brain may make you say those words but it is your heart that wants to be close to that person. That might explain the reason why your ex said, "let's just be friends". It maybe because he just doesn't want to live without you. And you should give your ex every reason to think that he needs you and should be with you.

[Sally Amorim]

I think the best way to pull through this situation is to keep a distance for a while. Both of you need a pause. Try to live your life, even to meet up with another men - it will be a cure.