Should I breakup?

[jzohaib]

(English is not my first language, therefore please ignore the grammatical mistakes)

Hello,

I have been engaged for about 3 years now. We were suppose to get married later this year. My fiance loves me a lot. She forces me to spend time with her. I don't know how else to say it but she is the clingy type and I am more of a reserved guy. But I love her none the less, may be not as intensely as she does.

But here is what happened that really broke my heart. A week ago I found her receiving sex messages from her ex-class mate. It was going on for about a month. I was devastated to find out this. I immediately told her that it's over and we wont be getting married.

But she begged me not to do that. She said that it was a mistake and it will never ever happen again. I know that she will never do that again. I am also sure that this was only through texting and they never did anything physical. But I am completely devastated and can't believe it, that she could do something like that. So I was firm that marriage is not gonna happen and it's over.

Here is when things got complicated. After 1 day of my refusal, she started getting seizure attacks. When I took her to the hospital they said that she has 'Conversion disorder' - means these seizure attacks are due to a trauma ( breakup). So during her treatment I told her that I forgive her and we are not breaking up. Only after that she started getting back. She is improving now.

I don't know what should i do? To be honest after that incident I don't trust and like her anymore. But since I love and care for her I keep telling her that I am not leaving her, so that she can recover from her condition.

Please help.

Thank you so much!

[Scot]

Hi,

I know exactly what you are going through. It can be really disappointing for someone you trust so much to act that way.

Now, here is the truth, if she can be comfortable enough to have sexual text conversation with another guy, she can as well have a physical intimacy with that person.

However, you know your girlfriend better than we do. So if you feel she will never do that again like she promised, you can go ahead and forgive her and with time you will trust again.

But don't forget, whatever happens during dating will also happen in marriage.

Good luck!

[Michael]

You have some choices here, you can dump her because you no longer trust her and are thinking she has cheated more than once and will do it again. You can take her back after she has apologized profusely but in the back of your mind you still don't trust her. Or you take her back and learn to rebuild your trust by her future actions.

The possible problem with forgiving her is that she may now not have the respect for you that you deserve. If you took her back the first time she may think she can get away with it again. Is this something you want to deal with? If it is then what you must do is have her rebuild your trust in her. She needs to prove herself to you that there is no way she will cheat on you again.

This can take a while to do because in the back of your mind you may question if she could cheat again. It can take some time for this to fade away. If the two of you have been together a long time and there is the possibility of marriage, do you think your girlfriend would be willing to go to relationship counseling to work this out? This would be a great way to make a commitment to you and would help you build trust in her.