Would a Man Marry a Woman Because He Is In Love with Her?

[Victoria]

Here is my question.. Would a man marry a woman because he is in love with her or is it more of a rational decision? I knew this guy for 4 yrs, and began dating in Nov ( long distance since I am in Montreal Ca, and he is in Connecticut, USA) We spend Thanksgiving, Xmas and New Years together. At the end of our trip, he told me that I am the most amazing girl he has met and that he loves me and would give anything to make this work. BUT he does not understand my eating habits ( vegetarian) and how would we raise our kids??

I told him take take a deep breath and take one step at a time... He agreed, but he is not really calling me in the morning or in the evening, or Skipping anymore.. For the last week we have been barely exchanging a couple of texts a and it feels like the hunt is over..

I know its a more complex question, but Please please help - I am really into this guy and I am internally emotionally a mess...Ouf

[Nicolas]

Hi Victoria,

One of the key things to understand about men is that what we SAY isn't as important as what we DO!

For instance, I get emails from women all the time saying stuff to the effect of . . .

"This guy says he loves me and only wants to be with me, but I found out he's sleeping with 3 other women and got two of them pregnant. What does it mean???" (that's a real email, by the way)

or . . .

"My guy never says 'I love you,' but he's always doing nice little things for me like warming up my car in the morning or offering to pick up the kids so I can get home early. I just don't know how he feels. How do I get him to OPEN UP??"

Now, these are diametrically opposite situations. In the first one the guy is a player and whether he's in love with her or not is kind of immaterial (he's never going to give her what she wants.)

In the second one the guy is obviously in love with her, but just isn't somebody who VERBALLY expresses affection (so she needs to focus much more on his actions and realize he's saying "I love you" all the time.)

Your situation is a little different, though . . .

In your situation, my read is that your guyDOES have real feelings for you but is searching for an excuse not to commit or to accept those feelings.

And that's totally OK.

It's funny, I've heard of plenty of occasions where folks get into fights over how to raise their kids from a religious standpoint ("I'm just not sure I can marry a satanist. I mean, do I really want my kids in those rituals?" . . . Smiles. Joke.) Or political reasons ("I'm a really passionate member of the Whig party.") but this is the first time I've heard of a guy getting "weird" at the idea of raising his kids vegetarian (though I know many people will find that weird.)

Anyway, in this case I'd recommend you ignore what he says and pay attention to what he does and how he acts. The fact that you've made him nervous and put him into "fight or flight" mode is actually a GOOD thing because it shows he's taking you serious.

Focus in being in "The Now" and the fact that focusing too much on the future is just foolish.

Now your original question has to do with "Love" versus "Rationality" and the answer is, if he's smart a man will marry for BOTH reasons.

In general, human beings make decisions for EMOTIONAL reasons and then JUSTIFY those reasons with logic.

So when a guy buys a sports car, the reason he buys the car is because it makes him feel successful and powerful and because subconsciously he thinks it'll help him get hot women . . .

But he rationalizes the decision by thinking "Hey, I've worked hard and I deserve it" or "I might need all those horsepower for the Zombie Apocalypse" or "It's on SALE!"

Your guy is doing the same thing . . .

Emotionally he's decided he wants to be with you (whether that's "forever" or in the short term is another matter.)

So his mind has started to put a life with you through the logic test. The fact that he's hooking onto the vegetarian thing means he's nervous and has some misgivings about the idea of being with you "forever." (By the way "Forever" is a myth. No relationship lasts forever. Either you break up or one of you dies.)

My advice is not to get too upset about this. Let him have a little bit of space and then talk with him about his objections and seduce him.

Yes, you read that right......"Seduce" him.

It's AMAZING how quickly men forget their objections when they FEEL and know a woman is really into them.

[Olivia]

The question of what men look for in a woman to marry isn't a new one. It's one of those puzzling relationship questions we've been searching for an answer to for years. Most of us know at least one woman who dated a man long term only to be dumped by him when she pushed for commitment. Low and behold a few months later you heard that he was gladly heading down the aisle with someone new. Why exactly does that happen? What did the new woman have that his ages old girlfriend didn't? If you can understand that, you'll have no problem getting the man of your choosing to ask you to become his wife.

There are 3 qualities that make a man want to commit to a woman:


She's spontaneous. For many men when they think of marriage they envision long days and nights of utter boredom. That sounds horrible and it is when it does happen. If you want to make him crave a commitment with you, show him that you're anything but boring. Be spontaneous each and every chance you get. Plan fun outings for the two of you, initiate love making and keep him guessing about what's just around the corner. Life with you will never be dull and he'll love every moment he gets to spend with you.

She's confident and secure in herself. Men don't enjoy spending any time with women who have low self esteem. If you're the type who dwells on her imperfections and you're vocal about it, he'll pull away. Men choose women to marry who exude self confidence. These are the women who never apologize for their flaws and if anyone points them out, she doesn't bat an eyelash. She loves herself just as she is. Learn to love yourself more and the man you want to marry will love you more for it.

She wants her freedom too. Many men have a very big misconception when they think about marriage. They imagine walking down the aisle and walking into a prison sentence. They believe that if they say "I do" all their rights evaporate into thin air. Men don't want to marry anyone who expects them to give up time with their friends or who wants them to stop going to football games. Show him that you have no intention of taking over his life by engaging in your own. If he sees that you still do everything you want and it doesn't always have to include him, he'll relax more about the idea of marriage and commitment.

[Anthony]

Is there a reason why men marry some women and not others? If you've been looking for Mr. Right in all the wrong places, it may be time to take a step back and try to understand and view marriage from a man's perspective.

You might be the most amazing woman in the world, but if he's not ready for commitment, then he'll never drop to one knee and ask for your hand in marriage. As the old adage goes, "It's not you. It's him."

Read to the end of this article to discover the traits that make men the "marrying kind". If you're searching for commitment, it's important you only chase after men who are truly ready for marriage. Here's how to find them.

What Makes A Man The "Marrying Kind"?

First, it's important to realize some men simply won't commit...ever. It's not in their nature. It's not something they ever want or intend to do.

In his book, "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others", author John Molloy calls this type of man a "stringer". Molloy states, "A stringer is a man who strings women along. He likes having a woman, sleeping with a woman, eating with a woman, possibly sharing his life with a woman without ever making a real commitment." If you're dating a man like this and want to get married one day, now is the time to run.

One of the reasons why men marry some women and not others has to do with timing. Put simply, a man won't marry ANY woman until he's ready for commitment. Just because you're ready for marriage doesn't mean he is. They have to reach what Molloy refers to as, the "Age Of Commitment".

So what is the age of commitment? The age of commitment varies from man to man, but as a general rule, most men won't seriously consider marriage until the ages of 24-26 and are most likely to propose between the ages of 26 and 33. As men approach 40, they become much less likely to marry. It doesn't mean they won't propose, but the statistics are no longer in your favor.

Many men also won't choose to marry until they have achieved some level of success. Success is highly important to men and many will want to finish school, get a job, make some money, and get their own place before they're ready to take the next step.

[Victoria]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm indeed grateful.