Being freindzoned and ignored.

[Kazrose]

Recently my Ex has left me because he wanted "personal space" and after he left me i did what people would normally would do which was begging and pleading. He said that he wanted to be friends with me and i couldn't say no because then he would ignore me and act as if i never existed which i don't want to happen. I have started doing the no contact phase and i feel as if he's going to forget me which im afraid if that happens. I want to get out of the freindzone and make him forget the negatives between us which i don't know how.

[Sammy]

Every once in a while your ex will hear something...see something... or something happens to remind him of you but if those memories become far and far apart with the passage of time they tend to fade, get distorted, or even die, are buried, and are forgotten. And they seem to even fade faster when there is somebody else in your ex's life who is creating new memories that are replacing memories of you.

Before the good memories fade away...

And before you go rushing to get your ex back because you think you'll be forgotten, here is a reality check: Your ex broke up with you for a reason.

There is one thing that is common to all of us human beings of all races, cultures, backgrounds and ages, and that is that people fall in love for many reasons including with someone who is smart, beautiful, nice, caring, rich, charismatic, successful, good friend etc. but that is NOT what makes them want to stay in a relationship. People stay in relationships because of how THEY FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES WHEN WITH ANOTHER PERSON.

It all boils down to the emotions and feelings, and memories have high emotions attached to them. Let me say it in another way: memories are "foot prints" of strong feelings and emotions. Those "foot prints" on the shallow sand on the sea shore fade faster with just a little wind; those "foot prints" on the soft lava from a melt down of pure love solidify into footprints on a rock and can last a lifetime; but those "foot prints" in the thick mud in a cold-frozen caves of the heart are the hardest to see and often the hardest to forget.

For example if the memory of you makes your ex feel anger about something you said or did; or if the memory of you brings with it a sense of inadequacy because of your being overly critical and demanding; or if the memory of you makes your ex feel stressed because you are so needy, jealousy or controlling - whenever your ex thinks of you the feelings attached to that memory pop up.

It is these associations that make someone who may even still have very strong feelings for you feel reluctant and even unwilling to get back into a relationship with you.

Isn't it time to re-new your relationship with your ex?

Note that the word here is "re-new" not fix or repair. It's much harder to fix or repair a relationship that is broken because that means trying to erase the bad memories which tend to stay much longer than the good ones. And there is no guarantee that a band-aid fix will hold.

Renew (restart, rekindle, regenerate, revitalize, rejuvenate, refresh, recharge etc) on the other hand has an element of something fresh, something extra, something different or something up to date -- and that is exactly what that other "new" person is offering your ex.

You can't compete with the "new" unless you are offering something "new" yourself. That means that it all comes round to how fast you can make yourself a "new" person and compete from a place of personal strength, confidence and self-love. There is no way round it, YOU'VE GOT TO CHANGE TO A BETTER YOU to attract back your ex. Most people fear change so much (even when deep inside that's what they want), and that keeps them in their misery. Fear and love can't share the same heart.

It's not enough to just learn from bad experiences it's crucial that you know how to create new positive memories that will make your ex FEEL GOOD about himself when with you and which will in turn make him want to come back into the relationship and stay in it.

The longer you wait, the more memories your ex creates with some other person and the harder it will be for you to be back with him.

[John]

Whatever it is you are feeling at the moment, you have to know and clearly understand why an ex boyfriend wants to stay friends with you before you actually agree to it. Take note, his reason may be far from being innocent.

Also, there are other factors you have to take into consideration when the issue is about making friends with an ex. You see, if you know deep within you that you still have feelings for him, then you are setting yourself to be hurt. But if feelings are not the problem, you may be calling in for another trouble by leading your ex on, giving him false hopes as you allow your ex to be part of your life again even if just "your friend."

To help you decide whether it is wise to be friends with an ex or not, read on and you will find below some acceptable reasons why lots of people agree to be friends with their exes. In order for you to identify the main reason, be honest about everything including what kind of person your ex is. Do you actually believe your ex has feelings for you after all those times? Or is he can possibly be spiteful and vengeful?

Reason #1:
One harmless reason why your ex wants to keep the friendship with you is because he thinks it is the most gentle and most kind way to let a relationship end. Your ex could also be guilty for the pain he had caused you for breaking up with you. But for some reason, others regard it as an insult instead of a comfort when an ex downgraded the relationship from being lovers to just being friends.

Reason #2:
Another possible reason for an ex to make friends is because he thinks it will make his life easier. This is especially true if you still hang out with the same group of friends and in the same spots. By being friends with you, your ex is asking you to "act nice" and "be nice" to him. This way, he does not have to miss or hide out on some actions.

Reason #3:
Moreover, it is also very possible for an ex to wish to make friends because he is still in love with you. You may think your ex finally accepted that it is over between you two because he is able to make friends with you. Well, don't be too surprised if you are wrong. Do not be fooled. More likely, your ex wants you back that is why he wants to have some form of connection with you.

The reasons are many. It may also be that your ex wants to be friends so that he can monitor your whereabouts and happenings. But this does not mean he still cares. It's just that your ex happens to be selfish, controlling and vain and does not like to entertain the thought of you in someone else's company.

Now you see, being friends with an ex has to be pondered on to come up with the wisest decision. Remember, you are not obliged to stay friends with your ex. If your ex wants to be friends and you think this is not a brilliant idea because it will do more harm than good, then the decision is yours to make. If you choose not to be friends with your ex, you are not enemies either. You can both be polite and civil even without the privileges of friendship.

[Ashley]

Here are a few tips on how to get him back that will not only peak his interest, they'll make you feel more in control of the situation too:

Let him go, for now.

Instead of trying with all the will you have to keep the dying embers of your relationship lit, let it go. If you can take a step back and walk away from him, you'll completely change the dynamic of the relationship between the two of you. Right now you are like a puppy dog chasing after him. You have to show him that you are emotionally mature enough to deal with the relationship ending. Stop begging him to come back.

Give him some space and take some for yourself.

One of the best pieces of advice you'll ever read on how to make your ex boyfriend desire you again is to give him some room and distance. You both need time to process the end of your relationship. You'll find that if you stop talking with him for even a few days, you'll gain a new and more beneficial perspective. You'll see that you can indeed survive without him and you'll feel stronger. An added bonus is that he'll start to miss you and this will only serve very helpful in your plan to get him to fall back in love with you.

Spoil yourself and only yourself.

Most of us have something we long to do but we don't because of cost or time. We feel selfish if we do it. It may be anything from buying a new pair of expensive shoes to taking a vacation. Now is the time to indulge yourself. Spoil yourself rotten for no reason other than that you deserve it. This will help you take your mind off your boyfriend and will also invigorate you.

Life is ironic. You'll find that once you stop focusing all your attention and energy on your ex boyfriend, he'll start focusing more on you. Show him that you can survive and thrive without him. If you can do that, he'll realize that you may actually slip through his fingers. That will be enough to get him to chase you again.