She want's to Step Back

[zhanna185]

Background - In a LDR- 6 Hour time difference and for 2 years

So, about a month ago my Girlfriend of nearly 2 years attempted to break up with me, it resulted in us going on a break for 4 days before she decided to get back together with me. I was very happy at this point and everything seemed to be back on track. That was until Sunday Night, I had asked to speak to her due to the fact she had disappeared all weekend and hadn't responded to any of my messages but was still reading them, I was a little hurt but thought I she was with her friends and didn't really need to message me (only found out she was with her friends after that weekend) so I simply asked her to let me know if shes going to be busy so I don't worry.

On that phone call she told me she had a crush on someone else and I guess I panicked cause I didn't really show any emotion towards it and even said it was okay! Anyway she said it wasn't fair on me and tried to end it. I of course asked her not to but she hung up the phone. I went to bed and woke up to a few messages the next day saying she hadn't ended it but just needed to breathe. My brain was so confused with this up and down situation. I didn't message her till later that night I needed time to process. Then we spoke that Monday night and she said she hadn't broke up with me just needed time to breath at this point I was like but it sure seemed like you did, we talked for awhile I even asked her did she want to pursue this other crush and she said no so that was all okay i guess.

We then decided the best thing for us to do is to take a step back and take things slow (again) at that point in my head all that meant was we were gonna live in the present and not worry about what the future holds till later in the game. I also believed it would mean nothing else would really change other then the no future talk and maybe a little less communication. We even agreed ed that if one of us was busy and needed the other to give us space then we should say. I did ask for at least one message a day just even a hello or good morning. She had to leave to go out and buy stuff which I was fine with of course. She continued to text me a little bit after we hung up and texted me the next day as well. Around 3 pm my time she went out with her mates and of course i didn't hear from her at all but that was fine i knew she was out and didnt expect a message. I did get some snap chats from her and that was nice as I felt like she was thinking about me. She then returned home and this is where things went down hill. She was home online but was still only sending me small message maybe every 20 minutes but only if i had texted her. I put it down to her being busy and tired as she was getting ready for the photos she was to be taken in the next day. Was a little upset she was speaking to her mates however and not me but what i mean by this is I felt like she wanted to speak to them and i was more of a job to talk to since i was only getting small messages and none of them where leading on questions to keep the conversation going. I did ask her if she was happy with the way things where that we were taking a step back but still in a relationship and she replied with yes, I just want to take things slow and figure stuff out. I replied with okay, i will do my best to take things slow but if i start to go to fast again let me know as I love you and I want this to work. She just answered with Same and I will. At that point I was getting more and more upset, there seemed to be nothing giving me hope. Anyway on the Wednesday I had removed my photo from what asp due to testing a point my friend was trying to make, she messaged me where my photo which sparked a 10 minutes conversation that was it till later on when i messaged her wishing her a nice day which sparked another 10 minute convo then she left again and didn't message me back till way later by this time i had basically cried myself to sleep, it was a question which i answered on the Thursday with a yes if I am allowed and she said yee (dont ask) I then responded with an Okay cause i didn't really know what else to say. I got nothing else from her that day. I went through the day miserable and missing her so much but I didn't want to message her incase she wanted space and was busy. She was still coming online every once in awhile and I assume messaging her friends.

I woke up this morning to her sending me a photo at 3am when i was asleep and I have responded with a simple you look beautiful and I hope you had a nice day yesterday.

I suppose my point to all of this is if anyone has any help or guidance on this matter it would be greatly appreciated . I do love this girl and I dont want to lose her but she is barely speaking to me and isnt even telling me she is busy she just not talking. It feels like we are over despite her telling me two days ago we arnt and she jsut want to take things slow but to me this isnt taking it slow this is just ending it. I over analyse a lot so am not sure if this is what happening or if she is generally sending me a signal I dont want to be in this relationship anymore. I also feel like I am just Plan B to her cause of the crush and her mates part of all this. I do want to speak to her about all of this but again I do need to give her space or risk losing this relationship but it only been 4 days and I feel like its over. It all very confusiing for me but everyone just keeps saying give her space and try to keep busy.

[bunnyhabit]

i surmise she is keeping you as a backup to the guy she is crushing on in case it doesn't work to her advantage. when i am crushing on someone new i act similar to her. i never break up with people but say i need some "alone" time. i will chat long with my new crush and shoot out short but cordial messages with others that text me so i may get back to my new crushes texting. if he complain i too slow or short responding i will ignore everybody but new crush for the rest of that day.

[zhanna185]

You could be correct, though then why would she tell me she didnt want to pursue the relationship with the other crush? was she just lying so I would stick around?

[bunnyhabit]

was she just lying so I would stick around? possibly, ,, because i surmise she is keeping you as a backup to the guy she is crushing on in case it doesn't work to her advantage i doubt she would shoot you short messages if my assumption was false.

[bunnyhabit]

was she just lying so I would stick around? possibly, ,, because i surmise she is keeping you as a backup to the guy she is crushing on in case it doesn't work to her advantage i doubt she would shoot you short messages if my assumption was false.

[bunnyhabit]

then why is she shooting you short messages and chatting with her "mates" ? i am just relating my thoughts as not well acquainted with her or you. just give you a feminine slant on your narrative.

[zhanna185]

I appreciate your honesty and view on the matter, it has give me something to think about. This isn't like us at all we normally couldn't go a day without messaging each other. I hoped that it was only her friends she was messaging and not the crush but I could be wrong and her telling me that she didn't want to pursue it was the truth.

I can't think of any other reason as too why she would go a whole day without speaking to me other then that I guess cause there is taking space and then there is falling of plant earth for a day.

Thanks again.

[Julia]

Let me give you a piece of advice. You should not be asking What should you do? Instead let me tell you WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT DO to stop you girlfriend from breaking up with you.

Do you realize that what you are experiencing is now fear. A self-sustain fear?

Fear is one of the root of relationship problems. Fear make you could not let go of what was filling up inside you.

Fear makes you act in ways that you NEVER would have acted otherwise. Fear makes you do stupid and silly things that will make you regret in the future. In simple words, fear makes you act irrationally.

More often than most, you will start to shut yourself from your girlfriend and from the pain to try to protect yourself. If you continue with this behavior, things will eventually get worst and she will pull further away from you.

Without you realizing it, your feelings and actions actually is the cause of the final breakup. Something you had feared to begin with.

Remember, if you act out in a negative, emotionally-charged way, you only sets off a severe reaction where you might begin to act or think in destructive ways. There is a high tendency for guys to try and pre-empt the pain and fear by pulling away or getting distant first. There is a high tendency for guys to try and control the fear by acting violent.

Do not let fear get the better of you and end up making your girlfriend leave you. Remember, you can stop your girlfriend from breaking up with you if you know how to control your fear.

I have tabulated 3 of the most common fears that can make your girlfriend pull away from you:

You become intensely negative, and start accusing your girlfriend the moment you sense she is acting distant. You start to pass statements like : You do not love me anymore, I know you are thinking of breaking up with me, Do you have another guy, You found someone else Finding ways to hurt or reject your girlfriend by being inflexible, intolerable or even childish Acting out in ways that are sure to destroy the relationship, such as cheating, violence etc

Always remember that fear and insecurity only get you further away from a relationship. A secure relationship involves love, commitment, communication and trust.

Yes, sometimes it hurts that you are the only one dedicated and committed to the relationship and your girlfriend is not as committed as you. But always remember that fear and insecurities can drive you and your girlfriend apart during the most critical of times.