Long distance is rough. Should I keep fighting?

[rgriffin30]

First things first, long distance relationships SUCK. I’ve been together with my gf for a year before she moved away to another country forever. Apparently, she believes that she has a better future there than here. The thing is, our relationship hit rock bottom after she flew away. I’ve tried everything from facetiming her everyday, booking tickets and visiting her, and even sending her gifts for the past two years but we always end up fighting for a small reason.


I’ve even asked for advice from my friends who are also in an LDR and even my brother. Even if he and his gf are strangers when they met, they still have a stable and functioning relationship than mine. Is it just me? Or is this the sign I needed to let our relationship come to an end? Should I keep fighting for this?

[ayeshakhan]

Listen, I know Long Distance sucks, but maybe she is facing some kind of issue which she wants you to solve. If you can figure that out you will have a better chance of saving this relationship if you want.
Or else, you can just let it reach an inevitable end if you think that will happen eventually then let her go. This way you both can move on.

[Sandra]

First, let us look at some of the pitfalls to be wary of before embarking on a long distance relationship:

Insecurity - if you struggle with insecure feelings and find it difficult to trust what you cannot see then this type of relationship will at best test you to the limits and at worst be disastrous for you. This kind of relationship requires good levels of trust and you would need to know in your heart that your partner was okay and being faithful even though you are not physically together.

Suspicion - this is an extension of having insecurities, where you not only have difficulty trusting your partner but you do not have any confidence that your partner can remain faithful in any circumstance. You may even think things are going on when there are perfectly reasonable explanations and it is not at all what you imagined it to be.

Faithfulness - it would be very tempting to have a casual relationship with another partner when not together, and unless this is something that you have both discussed and agreed about going out with other people, you should be faithful to each other while in this relationship. If you are going to have a "fling" why would you have a long distance relationship with another person?

If these situations are some of the things that you are struggling with, then perhaps you need to honestly question whether your long distance relationship is for you and whether it will really work...

Now, what are the things that you can put in place to ensure a strong lasting relationship?

Agreement - the first thing to bear in mind for any successful relationship especially long distance is that you both need to be on the same page. You need to agree on things such as being in a monogamous relationship or whether you would still be able to see other people. If both of you or one of you still wants to date others then you may as well forget about trying to have a relationship long distance. You would only anticipate having such a relationship if you both were determined to build a long-lasting long-term relationship and you believed that your partner is the person you wish to be with for the rest of your life.

Good communication skills - the most important part of a good relationship is good communication skills and building a relationship over distance will require these skills. In fact, in situations like this, when the relationship is built successfully it is because the couple has been able to develop effective communication without the distraction of the physical side of a relationship. They are able to take their relationship to a deeper level of intimacy through connecting emotionally, mentally and spiritually before delving into the urgency of the physical side of the relationship. Much like in "olden times" when sex took place after marriage and the strength of the relationship was built on the three other aspects.

Commitment - making a promise to each other to be faithful and stay on track with their relationship and that one day they will be together, but for the time being there are requirements to be in separate places. It is also a commitment to make the relationship work, which is the same for any other relationship, but requires a little more effort especially when you miss having each other around.

Creativity - this is also important and is part of the commitment you make to each other. It is about being creative in keeping in touch. Nowadays with technology this can be a lot easier with programs like Skype and VOIP. Texting and email are also good but are harder to share intimate thoughts and feelings, letters and parcels are still a good second option to video and phone as they are a tangible "hard-copy" reminder and evidence of your lover's affection for you.

The answer to the original question is, "Yes, you can maintain a long distance relationship." It just takes more effort, and a determination and commitment to making it work, than a regular relationship, but on the other hand, it can be easier to build a deeper level of connection.

Following the guidelines in this long distance relationship advice will ensure that your love can be built to last, and you can achieve a loving intimate long-term relationship.

[Gray]

Surviving long distance relationship (LDR) depression can be even tougher on you, because of the obvious distance and lack of closeness you feel with your partner. I'm going to cover some tips I found helpful when I was suffering from LDR depression at times in my life.

Fail To Plan, Plan To Fail

I was trying to cope with being upset, and I didn't want to ruin the conversation with my partner. So I planned my grieving time earlier so I could get it out of my system before our nightly talk. Planning time to deal with your long distance relationship depression is key to avoiding it altogether. Remember, you can spread LDR depression easily by having a few 'downer' conversations with your partner!

Share A Passion With Your Partner

I found a good cure for my long distance relationship depression, was to share my passions with my partner. I loved talking on the phone or over MSN with web cams. When I had heartfelt conversations with my partner, the distance became closer. I forgot about my LDR depression until I hung up the phone or turned off the laptop. I had to draw on those warm and caring feelings in the times we couldn't communicate - and this helped me cope with my LDR depression.

Trust, The Building Block Of Every Long Distance Relationship

I was in denial about trust being a factor in my LDR depression. I really didn't believe that I didn't trust my partner while being away. I had grown a low self-esteem while my partner was away, and that was a contributing factor to my LDR depression. I found through sharing passion with my partner, I could see, hear and feel their love and affection for me. This helped me immensely with my LDR depression.

Express Your Dreams And Desires

While I was suffering from long distance relationship depression, I needed to open up more, express my love and affection for my partner as much as possible. There are so many ways to express affection: emails, phone calls, text messages, e-cards - but what about your dreams and desires. When I put something unique into my feelings and showed them to my partner - my LDR depression was minimized and I felt empowered.

Assumptions - They Make A Something Out Of You And Me

Assumptions are deadly when dealing with LDR depression. When I assumed things, I would get my mind into a tizzy about it. I'd forget what the actual issue was, or what my partner had 'really' said to me. Never assume, get the facts!

Conclusion

Put yourself first and remember your own needs. You may be so busy trying to meet your partner's needs that you're neglecting yourself. Neglecting yourself leads to you getting burnt out emotionally, and that leads to long distance relationship depression.

[smackie9]

LDR's should be temporary. If you are not making plans to live there, you are wasting your time.

[Melvin Lewis]

You have to keep fighting. Many couples become stronger after such tests.