LDR, very LDR (overseas) problem....

[Alex]

First, greetings to everybody. I don't know where to start... I want to be as short as possible, but want to explain my situation the best I can, so people can give me (naturally) the best advice for MY situation.
Ok, so little bit about me: I'm 30 years old, somewhere from "Eastern" Europe (I'm not comfortable about completely revealing my identity here), decently smart, I know 3 languages besides my mother tongue, athletically built (gym goer) guy. I'm not a "square" or something like that. Very open minded, I'm 30 years old, but have almost/a lot of "all over the world" experience behind me. Ok, that is a little intro about me....
So, long time ago, I was an "exchange student program" student in US. I was with this girl there, she was my girlfriend, definitely.... So, we "rekindled" on FB a couple of months ago again. We have been friends on FB since long time ago, but didn't communicate much, we had our lives going on, relationships, ETC. BUT, as I said, recently we kinda suddenly started "talking" again on FB and actually "got together" again, well over wire unfortunately. I'm sorry, I don't know how to make this short.... So, everything goes well, I told her that I'm so into her again, that I'm really considering on making it possible for us to be together and all. Since I saw she is also into me, I even proposed marriage to her, IN THE near FUTURE, not rushing anything, and this only because of legal issues! She told me that is too much for her now, (BTW, she is in the middle of breaking up with her man now, they are not married, but they have child) but that she will do everything necessary for us to be together and for me to be able to work and live normally in US. So, yes, she is "breaking up" with her man for a while now, the situation is not easy, because they have a child together. Anyways, she was so into me, called me a "godlike looking" guy, that I'm as good and better than our high school days, everything. Aside from this physical things, we REALLY had everything going, good morning/good night, EVERY single day, talking while we our doing our jobs/during breaks, sharing what we ate and drank for god sakes, every single day....WE SHARED EVERYTHING. I can't explain it, it was definitely a relationship online, between us. Nothing was forced, everything went down naturally and we said that we love each other "1000" times during our social media thing. She even said she will visit me and that she can't wait for it. She said than we will see about further, more serious details. So, around 2 weeks ago, I just felt something is off. She is barely typing to me, her answers sound more "chore like", etc.... I asked her is EVERYTHING ok, multiple times, that she can tell me, all of that.... Eventually, she said she felt "too much pressure" from me, that she wants to be single for a while, after this whole problem with her man (they don't have nothing between each other anymore, but live together and kid is there) and that "space" thing.... BTW, that wasn't enough for me, so I got all suspicious that somebody "GOT" her and all, so I kindly made her tell me. Eventually she said yes, but that nothing happened, although "she kinda likes him" and all, but did nothing in my back, at that point... So, I told her, ok, that I'm disappointed very much and all. I DIDN'T insult her, except I told her it's very childish behavior, after all we had and kept cool enough not to say anything bad. She said that she "still loves me" and that she still wants to visit me, which I doubt very much. By now, since officially everything is off, she probably is already with that KID....
I'm tired of explaining, I already wrote a lot, but still feel I'm might missed some crucial details. Nevertheless, enough story for somebody to maybe reflect, tell me their own experience, etc...
BTW, I'm keeping a "no contact thing", for over 1 week now. She didn't ask me "how are you" or anything since then.... She liked a status I put yesterday though...
Ok, that's it folks, I appreciate your help and THANK YOU in advance. Feel free to ask something I might missed there... BTW, this is my first time in my life to "assign" for "love problem site"... I actually think I'm pathetic at this moment, no insult to anybody, I'm getting the idea this is normal nowadays.
P.S. I realy DO LOVE HER, but don't know what to do and I'm powerless, over a freaking ocean!!!!
Thank you guys...

[Malvin]

I think you should give her the space she wants. Moreover, she said she wants to be single for now, so respect her wish and give her space. Trying to do otherwise will make you appear desperate and this is unattractive.

Don't contact her again and move on with your life. You might want t start dating other women if you have the opportunity. When she is ready to be with you, she will contact you again but you mustn't be the one to initiate the contact.

Also, don't waste your time waiting for her to come back. Rather, move on and start dating again.

[Alex]

Thank you, no offense, but I red tons of same sentences literally on net these days. But, that is actually right, unfortunately. I'm actually aware of my mystake, trying to find some "magical answers". Thank you Malvin....

[Ella]

Keeping up with long distance relationship takes the difficulties of relationship to a different level altogether. Along with maintaining relationship, you have another challenge of not being able to see your partner physically. Working on a long distance relationship break-up can be particularly challenging because of the lack of communication. If you want to win the game of getting her back, you need to start working on it.

Open communication channels
If you cannot see your ex-partner in person, it is all the more good for you. But do not shy away from talking. Rely upon telephone and internet to keep in touch with each other. Write to your ex-partner regularly and call up once in a while.

Silence is golden
Keep your silence immediately after the break up. It is better to collect your thoughts before you are ready to start reconnecting with her.

Choose your words
When you communicate with her, you have to take caution not to ruin your chances. Before making any advances on the reconciliation aspect, it is necessary to be on friendly terms. Do not give unnecessary ideas about what you feel and what you want.

Down the Memory lane
It is important to remind her of all the good times you had. Be it telephonic conversation or times you had when you were living in the same city, good memories can make her miss you.

No Surprise
Don't think of surprising your ex-partner by paying a visit. What may work in other relationships, will definitely not work in long distance relationship. It might make you look desperate and make her avoid you.

Time it well
If you want to talk about your relationship problems, you have to find the perfect time to do it. Send in some preliminary mails about your desire to talk about it, and see how she responds to it. If she is okay to talk, he or she will play along and will let you know if it is a good idea. Else, give her some time to think about it.

Genuine Attempt
Once you start talking about your relationship, you must have the willingness to listen to your downsides. She will make it clear why he or she left you, and from your end, you have to make genuine attempt to convince her, you can be better. Tell them everything you have been doing to correct your mistakes and ask her to give it another try.

[Alex]

Although some of these statements are contradicting each other a bit, in my opinion, thank you for your input Ella. "Choose your words"-communication. "Down the Memory lane"-communication. "Open communication channels"-communication.... Silence is golden, AKA "no contact rule". So, how do we distinguish how much we keep our mouths shot and WAIT FOR OTHER side to start communication and all of these other, that all embrace communication. Regarding the "Genuine Attempt", supposedly I didn't make a SINGLE mistake (her words). Although, I might be aware how and why I "killed" some of her subconscious, which led to this decision, I mean breakup.
Thank you for your input Ella.
For others: Please share advice(s) and don't be shy to share YOUR experiences, that might be similar to mine. I'm not saying it works for everybody the same, but would like to hear people that were in same/very similar situation. Keep it up, good people. Thank you!

[Alex]

Anybody else? Somebody in similar/or possibly same situation. Feel free to comment people, I need as many experiences and advice ass possible. Although I "dug" the whole internet and red almost everything possible, I would still like to talk to people here. I observed that most of these sites on internet say a few tips/advice and and than are trying to lure you to buy their "magical" books.
Cheers, looking forward for more replies or questions.

[Brett]

If she said she wants to be single for now, then let her be. Obviously, the other man in the picture has made her lost her attraction for you. However, you can't blame her because there is so much distance between you, and that's the problem with LDR.

You can only hope she will change her mind and come back to you. For now, move on with your life and don't sit around waiting for her to come back.

[Alex]

If she said she wants to be single for now, then let her be. Obviously, the other man in the picture has made her lost her attraction for you. However, you can't blame her because there is so much distance between you, and that's the problem with LDR.

You can only hope she will change her mind and come back to you. For now, move on with your life and don't sit around waiting for her to come back.

Thank you Brett. This miles/kilometers are definitely a killer... It just still strikes me that she went for "that" kind of a guy, instead of me. I don't want to offend anyone, but you know. I have my opinions. Thank you.
More people, with similar/same experiences are welcome to comment too.

[Vin]

I made the same mistakes you're making. Pushing too hard for a visit and you're being too available. Limit your texting with her because it's a terrible way of building attraction. Save the things you want to talk about for your videocalls. Don't talk about marriage or ANY label you want to put on this thing you're having with her. Keep it fun and simple. Important is not to become just a friend. You'll get friendzoned and that's the end of it. As stated above: don't initiate any contact anymore. She's taking you for granted now. She has to wonder about you, that won't happen if you're constantly in her face. There's not much you can do but move on. If she still likes you, she'll contact you again. If not, then you won't hear from her anymore and there nothing you can do about it. Just play it cool, that helped me.

I know it's hard to let go... I'm in the same situation, but it really is the only thing you can do. Doing nothing is in this case actually doing something. We both have a mindset in which we try too hard to make something happen, which will only make it worse. Let her come to you at her own pace and try to date other women in the meantime to take your mind off of things. Good luck!

[Alex]

Thank you Vin. I definitely applied no contact thing, it's been around a month now. I'm not even logging into my FB sometimes for 2-3-4 days. At this moment, I didn't log in there for around 4 days actually. I'm already letting it go actually. It's not that I'm already in "whatever" situation/feeling you know, but almost actually. I'm getting better and better. Yeah, I guess I was pushing it too much... To many things at a time. Regarding the contact, I don't know is she worth it EVER actually, if she does not initiate it again. Sometimes my mind is pushing me to log in there and just ask: "Hey, how are you" and that kinda... .stuff But actually, in my mind it's becoming: "Screw that, if she doesn't contact me in the first place"...
Thank you Vin. I just realized i said "actually" so many times hahaha