In love with someone I have no future with!

[aru.26]

I'm so so madly in love with him. I'm in a long distance relationship.
We both know we do not have a future together when we started this. We agreed to go on until one of us is married. But now I'm crying and in pain everyday thinking I have to miss him soon. I'm not able to bear this pain. I love him too much that it physically hurts everytime I talk to him because I keep remembering that it's temporary and I have to let this go. I'm having suicidal thoughts.

He is ready to let go when situation comes, and he always say that we knew this right from day 0 and why am I not accepting it now. He also doesn't want to break up now, he wants to be together happily as long as possible and he asks me to do a reality check to accept the truth. I just can't seem to accept the reality or ignore it and feel happy. I'm scared of the day when I have to miss him. he is very clear about the reality and he asks me to not move more into him because he is trying to do the same.
I don't know what to do or how to handle this pain right now.

I cannot lose him. He doesn't want to even give it a try because we both know it will hurt our families and it is not possible to marry because we are of different culture and language. But I want to marry him so much. Oh god, this love is seriously so painful to bear.

[Anthonia]

I think it's best to breakup the relationship now, because the longer it stays the more hurt you will get when the relationship eventually ends. Staying in a relationship like this knowing that it will eventually end, will keep hurting you by the day. So it's best to end it as soon as you can and move on.

[Rob]

You both knew you don't have a future together but still decided to go ahead, this is a big mistake you both made. Since your boyfriend has accepted the reality, you need to accept it as well. However, if you can't accept the fact, then end the relationship with him immediately.

[ItWasntMe]

Why is culture and language an issue for y’all? What’s holding you back? 26 years ago I had a short fling with a girl while I was a student overseas and we fell in love. I went back to see her 9 months later, but she made up had moved on actually. She just made up a story about a family event preventing her from being able to see me. What did I regret? In some ways I regret ever getting on that train to go home as she cried and said don’t go. Why’d I go? Well I was out of money and my semester was over and my flight was the next day. I wish, however, that I had said screw it. I love her and I’ll figure something out. If it wasn’t meant to be then at least I would’ve found out. Now I’ve lived with this hole in my heart for all these years, though I fell in love again and married and have stayed married.
I think you need to really need to analyze why you guys think you can’t be together. Because if you’re in love, then you shouldn’t let anything or anyone keep you apart. Not family, nor religion, traditions, language, anything.
Either way, you’ll get through this. Do not despair.

[aru.26]

@ItWasntMe: I think I should give you a complete background of my story, so it's going to a bit lengthy. Sorry!

So, it's because of multiple reasons, and well, i'ts super complicated too. I'm from a part of India where the family gives more importance to society and caste. Love is a restricted word at home. Beyond all this restrictions, my sister had a love marriage recently and all my relatives ignored us and are looking down on my family. My parents have explicitly cried to me and requested me to save their lost pride. I have seen them crying and their pains closely, I'm scared to give them the same pain again. But still, I told him I would somehow convince my family if he can provide enough support and stay by my side through the struggles until we succeed, because there is this different language/culture which is going be a biggest barrier between the families.

He now has a younger sibling suffering from cancer and situation is very bad at his end, because of which he cannot even give a try now even if it is okay at my end - at least for the next 3 yrs. he is very depressed too. My parents are trying to fix my marriage within next 4 months, I do not have an option to wait for 3 (this may vary also, no fixed waiting time) years given my family's situations.

And you know what, we both have never met till now. We have been in the same office but we did not know each other that time. Later, we became colleagues and still work together for same company, but from different countries. Distance/physical presence doesn't make a difference to me because I have invested enough in this relationship and I'm sure about my feelings. He says he truly loves me but he needs good amount of time to understand if we are really compatible after meeting/spending together for real.

Given both our family situations and his own reasons, he has fixed his mind that it is not feasible and he wants me to move on. Now I'm literally left with no options from all the sides.
I told him to let go of me first because I can't really live without him. He is not ready to break up with me already and he said "we still have time, let us be together as long as we can, please don't do this". To be frank, I'm not keeping him happy with all my cries and depressed talks daily, there is no romance in our rel, but we are emotionally available, we love and care for each other. I don't really know why he doesn't want to let go yet.
I'm going mad feeling so helpless with all this love. What am I to do? I don't see any way out other than giving up on myself.

[aru.26]

You both knew you don't have a future together but still decided to go ahead, this is a big mistake you both made. Since your boyfriend has accepted the reality, you need to accept it as well. However, if you can't accept the fact, then end the relationship with him immediately.

I lost my first love and was in depression for 9 years. Now I overcame all that and love him so much that I want to go on as long as possible. I know I'm doing wrong. I do not have the courage to break up. I do not want to breakup too. Only way is for him to leave me first.

[richey]

you are only hurting yourself by hanging on - not only with the hurt you feel from him.. but EVEN MORE importantly allthe time you arne't open and looking at others because you only hav eyes for him. BREAK IT OFF - force yourself to. Force yourself to move on. Force yourself to notice other guys (b/c i'm sure they've been noticing you). And GIVE yoruself the best opportunity to meet and find somebody else who will be able to give you even more than somebody who - from the start - told you "we have no future" right away.

You MUST know that such a man isn't even CLOSE to what you can get and find and have with another man.. dont' you?

[aru.26]

you are only hurting yourself by hanging on - not only with the hurt you feel from him.. but EVEN MORE importantly allthe time you arne't open and looking at others because you only hav eyes for him. BREAK IT OFF - force yourself to. Force yourself to move on. Force yourself to notice other guys (b/c i'm sure they've been noticing you). And GIVE yoruself the best opportunity to meet and find somebody else who will be able to give you even more than somebody who - from the start - told you "we have no future" right away.

You MUST know that such a man isn't even CLOSE to what you can get and find and have with another man.. dont' you?

I agree, richey. I cannot get anything from this guy. but I'm still not able to make up my mind to let him go with these logical reasons. I can't ever bring myself to break up with him because I have already seen and been through what it is like to live without the one we love. I'm asking him almost every two days to break up with me and to let me go, but he is not ready to do that. I'm telling him that this is very painful and difficult to handle for me, but still he asks me to accept the reality and try to be happy. All I do is emotional talks and crying every single day, I'm not even talking casually to him anymore. But still he loves me and doesn't want to break up. I feel relieved that he is still with me even after seeing my annoying depressing side. He thinks I will be fine later when I get married to someone of my parents' choice. I can't live without him, but I don't want to beg him to marry me either.