Heather and --?

[Bartlebycs]

Heather was a friend that by the time high school came around, I stopped talking to her altogether because by then my social anxiety was peaked. So I went through all 4 years wishing I could even say Hi to her. I watched her from afar when we were in the same class. I finally wrote her a note and sent it through the mail before graduation. I didn't expect to get a reply, but then her letter came in the mail, which I wish I still had but a housefire in '05 took it. She thought I didn't like talking to her anymore so she didn't bother talking to me and she was very surprised to get a letter from me. She wrote some very encouraging things, enough that mom had the letter framed and it was on my wall for a few years.

I've been trying to make it up to her ever since. I message her on Facebook almost daily. If I get my own place ever and secured in my finances, my first step will be to visit her and hang out. And that's the thing. My mom passed away this year without ever making any plans for me. My dad was abusive verbally and he got taken out of the house so for the last two years it's just been me and my mom. I quit my job to take care of her and now all her assets, including the house, go to dad and his guardian (He's mentally ill. and can't do daily life things on his own) so his attorneys are kicking me out. I do have the County that helped my mom helping me find a new home, but they say it could take months, and the attorneys want me out by the end of the month. (They are paying for 6 months stay at a hotel at least)

Heather can't come visit me because she says she's spending a fortune in her divorce, and last time she was here was for her grandfathers funeral. She did tell me that the company she works for offers low cost housing for employees, which she said would help my situation. There are jobs open there that would be great for me and would have Heather and I living nearby each other. Except I can't take my little doggie with because they don't allow pets on site due to the wildlife, unless your a manager. And my dog has been with me through the worst of it these past eight years. I really would hate to give him up if I had any other option. I also have no idea if she's interested in me at all in anything other than platonic friendship. I don't even know the protocol for newly divorcees. I care about her enough to give her space, not ask questions, and not mention the L word. But she's on my mind a lot lately. If I go there it'll be the biggest step I ever took in my life. Otherwise it's going to stay long distance in the foreseeable future.

I posted the only story of her that I can remember in this thread http://www.relationshiptalkforum.com...from-childhood

[Bartlebycs]

I've known Heather since we were 4. These days she's living in a different state and going through a divorce.
Some backstory. I have Social Anxiety, and she didn't know this. In highschool my Anxiety had peaked and I isolated myself from everyone, including her. As much as I wanted to talk to her, I couldn't, so I had to watch from afar. This caused me to cry when I got home more than once, hating myself. Before graduation, I finally sent her a letter basically saying I miss talking to her and that I was sorry, not expecting to get a reply. So of course I did. She sent what is probably the most encouraging letter ever. Heather was very surprised to get a letter from me, and she was thinking I didn't want to talk to her so she didn't talk to me. She said many other things that I won't repeat, but mom had the letter framed and put it on my wall for every time I was too hard on myself. I wish I still had it but a housefire in 05 destroyed it.

Fast forward to now; my mom passed away recently and my abusive a-hole father got all her assets due to lack of planning while she was alive. I will lose our house at the very least by the end of the month and while his attorneys are paying for 6 months stay at a hotel until the county who helped my mom find me a permanent home for little to no cost (I am mentally disabled in some ways, more from how I was raised sheltered and caged rather than any type of Autism) but it could take months. Now I recently reconnected with Heather on Facebook, she is currently going through a divorce after 7 years. And she said it's expensive so she can't visit anytime soon. Heather did mention that I could work for the company she works for, which offers on-site low cost housing for employees. And there are jobs open that I am interested in. There are several BIG concerns here.

1. 80% of the reason I would even move out there is for her. And I have no idea how she even feels about me. Also I don't want to overstep any boundaries of someone going through a divorce. I have no idea what those may be so I don't mention the L word to her at all in our texting.

2. It's the first time I'd be on my own, completely alone without any help.

3. My dog can't join me there, he's been with my mom and I through 8 years of pure hell. It'd be very difficult letting him go.


My biggest concern is that I will wait too long to tell her how I feel and she'll have already met someone else. And I hate how selfish I am about that. I do want her to be happy, but I can't help how I feel. I've never been in a normal relationship let alone a long distance one so I have no idea how to maintain it, how to start it, or if I even have a chance in hell.

I posted a story I remember from early on about Heather and I in Love Stories > Stories From Childhood. It's the most memorable one to me though I have many. I hope I can make new ones too

[Bartlebycs]

Sorry for the double post, it didn't seem to go through the last time!

[Gray]

I think going to work in her company will be a step in the right direction. I know she likes you, hence she wants you to come over. So, grab this opportunity to be with her.

If things goes well while you are there with her, you both might eventually get married.

[Bartlebycs]

I would just feel like a creeper if went and she wasn't into me at all. I'm not that good looking, poor, and I have depression. She has so many better options than me. She might already have her eye on someone there for all I know.

[Rachael]

Lucky for you, all women give off signals when they're attracted. Most guys never pick up on these signals. If you don't know what you're looking for, you could easily overlook these secret signals, as well. And you probably already have. You have probably let countless women slip through your fingers in the past because you failed to see the signals.

But you're never going to make that mistake again. By learning the 5 most common-but least understood-signals of female attraction, you are prepared to get the girl. Just look for 1 of these 5 signals, and then make your move. It's as simple as that!

1.) She says your name a lot in conversation

If you find a woman saying your name in conversation, there's a good possibility she has feelings for you. When someone has feelings for another person, the sound of that person's name gives them a little emotional rush. (Just think of children in the schoolyard writing their crush's name in their notebooks!) While adults don't skip around the playground and chant their crush's name, they do unconsciously say it whenever they can. So if she says your name a lot, there's a good chance she's attracted to you.

2.) She fidgets with her hair

When a woman plays with her hair, it often means she's turned on. It's a grooming reflex: primate females groom themselves for males before mating. (If you want proof, just go to your local zoo!) Thus, if you catch a woman stroking her hair as she talks to you, it means you're probably arousing her interests.

3.) She breaks eye contact first

Poets say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, her eyes are also a window into her feelings. It's a well known fact that eye contact signifies confidence. And confidence is nothing more than comfort in one's status. So, for example, if you were training some new entry level employees at your job, then you'd probably feel very confident in holding strong eye with all of them. If, however, you were having a business with your boss' boss, then you probably wouldn't feel as comfortable maintaining strong eye contact (since your boss' boss has higher status). Likewise, if you notice a woman continually breaking eye contact first, she's probably nervous with attraction for you.

4.) She gets carried away with emotion sometimes around you

A major misconception most guys have of women is that they need to "like" you to feel attraction. Just think of all the bad boys who do amazing with women! Now, you don't need to become a "bad boy" just to attract women; however, you shouldn't be discouraged is a woman isn't always in a peachy mood around you. In fact, it's better if she's not! A woman would never waste her emotions on a guy she didn't like. So if she sometimes gets frustrated with you or even angry at you, it's a good thing.

5.) She speaks in the future tense about you

Here's a very subtle-but very powerful-attraction signal that women give off. If a woman's interested in you, she'll make comments about seeing you in the future. It's important to note that none of these signals will be overt; instead, they'll be little offhanded comments like, "Are you going to x, y, z event next week?" If a woman is asking such questions, it's a telltale sign that you're on her mind.

[Bartlebycs]

She does none of those things. I mean, I only speak to her thru texting so I haven't seen her. Also, she's not really the fidgety type.