My boyfriend is living far from me.

[Celine]

Hello everyone
I'm new in this forum. I would like to share with you my story to have some advices. Sorry I’m going to write with a lot of details but it’s to allow you to have a clear picture of my situation.
Well, I' m currently doing my bachelor degree in banking and finance in a university in North Cyprus and this is my last year. I'm from Congo, and I'm planning to go back to my country when I will graduate in the end of this academic year. So well, I have a boyfriend who is living in United State, he is also Congolese and he went there a little more than three years ago as he won the green card through diversity lottery visa program. Now he is in his first year of associate degree. He is also working at Wal-Mart at the same time. Well, we know each other since our childhood; we grew up in the same cities. We know each other families. We share the same religion, and beliefs, we used to attend the same prayers meetings. We received the same education. We are both fluent in English and in French (plus our local languages). We understand each other very well. I like talking with him, hearing his voice, his way of reasoning...
We were still in touch since I came to Cyprus (about 3 years ago). We used to talk on Facebook and WhatsApp as simple friends. And this summer he told me that he was loving me. Few weeks ago he asked me if I could give him a chance. So after thinking I realized that we have so many things in common, and that a relation with him could really work well. Also I was feeling so lonely. So I gave him a yes. I told him that I loved him too. Then our loving relationship started. It happened when I was in Congo for my academic internship (during this summer). Then I came back to Cyprus to finish my degree. Since then we are talking regularly on WhatApp, we exchanged sometime loving quotes, we talk about our daily life. The more the time pass, the more I love him.
We both have the same age, we are 23 years old. I would go back to Congo next year, probably end of August or beginning of September 2019. There, I'm planning to try to do a professional internship to be able to have some practical experience in my field of study. My boyfriend plan to apply for American citizenship after completing his two years of associate degree in Information Technology. Then he wants to continue his studies by adding an additional two years of bachelor degree.
I really love him, and I was hoping to marry him. However we are far from each other and I don’t know if he would propose me one day. I know we may need more time to discover more about each other but in all the persons I met until now, he is the one possessing all the qualities I expect finding in a partner. And I think that I would never be able to find again someone like him. I fear losing him.
I know long distance relationships are not easy, especially in our case as we have a difference of seven hours. When he is coming back from work it’s already the sunrise in my side, and when it’s me who go back home, it’s when he is going to his workplace. However until now we still find time to talk regularly on the phone.
I would like to have some advices about this. How can I make him love me more? Can this relationship be successful? Is there a chance to marry him and be together one day?

[Evelyn]

We have all heard the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder". But is that really the case? If you are in a long distance relationship, how do you know your partner will remain true to you? The good news is trying to carry on a relationship when there is a significant amount of distance between the two of you is difficult, but not impossible.

The main factor that either gives a relationship staying power or signals its demise... is trust. Do each of you have trust in the other? And was this trust apparent and really strong before the separation? These questions have to be truthfully answered from your heart in order to justify the rest of your feelings.

It's obvious why trust is such an issue: your partner is not around for you to see what is really going on. If someone wants to cheat badly enough, they will find a way to do it, and probably get away with it. You will know from the way the two of you acted before the separation whether or not trust is an issue. If there is no doubt in your mind, and you feel the two of you are so committed to the staying power of the relationship and that no one could get in the way, then trust remains.

After trust, you have to look at how connected you were before the separation. Were you experiencing any problems? Was the connection there or was there some reluctance on the part of either of you? If either of these issues were present, then a separation will only make things worse.

Next, look at how deeply involved you both were with each other. Was it casual dating or something much more? Casual dating doesn't stand much of a chance long distance, but if there are sparks and that extra something you only get from the person you are meant to end up with, then you're in luck. You have a fighting chance as long as you are both willing to continue to fight to keep it alive.

A long distance relationship also has the ability to bring out certain behaviors in your partner you might not have ever witnessed before. Here are just a few:

• it is becoming increasingly harder to get in touch with them.
• they seem to be very jealous of where you go, what you have been doing and who you spend time with.
• they expect you to stay home and not have a life.
• they grow defensive when you start asking them about what they have been doing, or where they have been going.

You have to evaluate whether the package as a whole, is worth staying with and working on. If you and your partner don't equally agree it is, perhaps you should let go.

[Clay]

Many long-distance relationships end because the partners just can't continue living so separately. Many couples who undergo a major job transfer where one spouse doesn't move, end up in divorce court before the relationship is really over with.

It becomes very easy to live the single lifestyle when your partner just isn't there for weeks or months on end. It can be very hard to readjust when they come into town because you are so used to doing so much alone. In addition, the question of fidelity seems to always be lingering when partners don't live in the same physical area. The fact of the matter is, it's really easy to cheat when your spouse or dating partner lives in a completely different state.

One way to make a long-distance relationship easier is to come up with a set series of ground rules. In other words, how often will you talk, how open will you be about your schedule and will you be dating or seeing other people? This is going to be a question in your mind no matter what you do, so it makes sense to just go ahead and lay it out there so that you can have a conversation about it.

Another way to make the miles seem less distant is to use technology such as Skype, video chats and texting. Being able to talk in real-time while seeing your partner's face on the screen can at least make it seem like they aren't that far away.

The most important part of making a long-distance relationship work is to see each other as often as possible. That might mean cutting your budget down so you have extra spending money to travel. If you can't see each other often, it is very likely the relationship will not work out over the long-term.

[Celine]

Thank-you dear friends for your answers and your support.


“Do each of you have trust in the other? And was this trust apparent and really strong before the separation?”
It’s a good question. I have to mention that I have never been into a relationship before. He is my first boyfriend. And he knows that, I hope he can trust me for this reason. Well, I met before some people who wanted to date me. But I didn’t see in those persons a good future. They didn’t have qualities I’m looking for in a partner. So I was waiting for the right person, and I saw on him all those potentialities.
In his side, he told me that he had two girlfriends before; he broke with the last one about three years ago, before travelling to US. The first one he had was when he was in high school, and he told me that his parents didn’t like the girl.
So Indeed with that I was wondering also myself about that trust issue, there are so many beautiful ladies in US, may be one day he will meet another awesome girl, and then he will leave me.

“After trust, you have to look at how connected you were before the separation”.
Well, our loving relationship is new. When we were both living in Congo, even though we attended some prayers meetings at the same center, we were not really closed. We were barely talking to each other. It was just normal greetings. Then I moved to another neighborhood at the age of 14, since then, I was seeing him on rare occasions like on big celebrations. However when I was about to finish my high school studies, he started writing me sometime on Facebook, but we were talking just as simple friends. At that time, he was closer to my big brother than me.
Then I travelled to Nord Cyprus, and he went to US, but we were still in touch trough social network, chatting sometime, but nothing serious.
However with the time passing he start showing more interest on me, and we started talking a little more often. And this summer he confessed that he was loving me. After accepting him he told me that he was seeing in me the future mother of his children. I thought then that he was serious about this in the point of envisaging a future together. He even asked what I would say if he proposes me.
But then our conversations changed a little, he doesn’t mention it anymore.

“A long distance relationship also has the ability to bring out certain behaviors…”
Well for now, none of those listed behaviors have appeared. Things are still fine. We respect each other time and availability; we know both when each is free. When we talk we are happy with our mutual achievements and we are encouraging ourselves. Hopefully everything will stay fine.


“Many long-distance relationships end because the partners just can't continue living so separately”.
This is also right; I was asking myself the same question; however, it has been now a little more than three years that we are communicating regularly even though we are far from each other. We were not in relation before indeed, but this communication was transformed to now this relationship. The more the time pass, the more our interest in each other was growing. Don’t you thing that it can be a sign of the beginning of something bigger?

“It becomes very easy to live the single lifestyle when your partner just isn't there for weeks or months on end. It can be very hard to readjust when they come into town because you are so used to doing so much alone”. That’s also right, but the more the time pass, the more I miss him, and I want him. I don’t know if I would keep on coping with this loneliness.
“The most important part of making a long-distance relationship work is to see each other as often as possible”.
We can’t really afford to travel often to see each other, but we talk often of the phone. Well, my wish was to be able to live together in the same town to remove this boundary. However he is still Congolese so he still can travel back to Congo. Hopefully he would come one day to visit us there.

[Tizzy]

1. Try to make sure you send him good pictures of yourself at least thrice a week to make him fantasize and wish he was there to curdle and be with you.
2. Try making video chat/ Call to make your bonds grow stronger because he will be happy to see your face live.
3. Sending your boyfriend sweet and romantic text messages to show him you care about him very well.
4. Sending him surprise gifts to make him happy that he is being cherished
5. Calling him romantic and sweet names like honey, jewel, pearl, joy, my king and lots more makes him feel secured.
6. Pay him visits at least once a month to help strengthen the relationship and to increase intimacy between yourselves.
That's my little contribution, It will definitely help you.

[priyanka83]

But don't let the nay-sayers kill your buzz. If you look at the positive side, you'll realise you are not in the stone ages. There are a lot of ways to make your long distance relationship links work and we've picked some of the best ones here:
1. Video call is your saviour!

Let's face it. Communication is always easier when it's face-to-face. Just seeing their face and expressions are guaranteed to make your day! It may not be possible to do it every time, but make it a point to call each other on video rather than voice.
2. Never assume anything till you talk to them!

You see a random picture of them with a girl. A thousand possible situations pop into your head. Who is she? Why don't I know her? How does he know her? Take a deep breath and relax. It may not mean what you think it does. But if you do suspect something then an open conversation is the best way to go. Don't act all crazy before you talk to them!
3. Do fun things together, like play online games together or watch a movie! (It is totally doable)

Watch the same movie or TV show, read a similar book or just get online and play games together. You can't meet every day, but doing things with together will keep it interesting and you will always have topics to talk about. There's so much to do, thanks to technology.
4. Set your dates to meet each other

Set a date to meet each other. It could be once every other month or two, but make it a point to always see each other at all costs. Plus, you'll be counting down days and you'll feel super excited when you finally get to see them!
5. Plan to move into the same city in the future

You can't be stuck all your life in a long distance, so make it a point to discuss with your partner about moving into the same city after a while. It could be a year from now or two years, whatever fits your criteria and your convenience, but talk about possibly making that move!

If your boyfriend is still stressed, what next will happen in the relationship, you can send me these sweet messages.