Troubles with trust in LDR

[Jazmin]

Hello. I'm in a long distance relationship with a partner who lives a few hundred miles from me. He works a job which requires him to stay over night in hotels, sometimes for up to a week. Sometimes on these work trips he will visit bars nearby with friends. I struggle with feelings of paranoia and distrust... even though he's never cheated or anything of the sort. How do I cope with these feelings? Thank you for reading.

[Drake]

I completely understand how challenging it can be to deal with feelings of paranoia and distrust in a long-distance relationship, especially when your partner's job involves overnight stays and visits to bars with friends. It's totally normal to have these emotions, but it's also important to find healthy ways to cope with them and nurture trust in your relationship. Let me share some thoughts and advice to help you through this tough situation.

First and foremost, remember that you're not alone in feeling this way. Many people in long-distance relationships struggle with similar concerns. It's a testament to the strength of your connection that you care so deeply about your partner's actions and well-being.

One approach to dealing with these feelings is open and honest communication. Sit down with your partner and express your concerns calmly and without blame. Share your feelings and fears, and let them know that it's not about not trusting them but about your own insecurities. Your partner may not even be aware of the extent of your worries, and discussing it can bring you closer.

It can also help to set boundaries and expectations together. Define what is and isn't okay in your relationship. For example, you might agree that checking in with each other during nights out or sharing plans can alleviate some of your anxiety. These boundaries can provide a sense of security without feeling like you're controlling your partner.

Working on building your self-esteem and self-confidence can also be beneficial. Often, feelings of insecurity can magnify doubts and fears. Focus on self-care, engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, and remember that you are deserving of love and trust in the relationship.

Additionally, try to occupy your mind with positive thoughts and distractions when your partner is away. Keeping busy with hobbies, friends, or personal projects can help ease the anxious thoughts that tend to creep in when you have too much free time on your hands.

Another great way to cope with these feelings is seeking support from trusted friends or a therapist. Talking to someone who can provide an objective perspective and offer guidance can make a world of difference. They can help you work through your insecurities and develop strategies to manage your emotions.

Lastly, keep in mind that trust is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. While it's natural to have moments of doubt, choosing to trust your partner until they give you a reason not to can be a powerful mindset shift. Trust is built over time through consistent actions, and if your partner has never given you a reason to doubt them, then it's important to recognize and appreciate that.

Remember, it's okay to feel the way you do, but it's also important to actively work on managing these feelings for the sake of your relationship's health and your own well-being. With open communication, setting boundaries, self-care, and support from others, you can navigate the challenges of a long-distance relationship and strengthen your connection with your partner. Wishing you all the best on this journey!

[Sandra]

I totally get where you're coming from. Long distance relationships can be tough, and it's totally normal to struggle with feelings of paranoia and distrust, even when your partner hasn't done anything wrong. The distance and lack of constant physical presence can sometimes make our minds wander and imagine all sorts of things. But don't worry, I'm here to help you cope with these feelings and find some peace of mind.

First of all, it's important to remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship. Trusting your partner is crucial, especially when you're in a long distance situation. Remind yourself of the reasons why you trust your partner in the first place. Think about all the times they've been there for you, the love and support they've shown you, and the open communication you have. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and let those thoughts overpower the negative ones.

Communication is key! Talk to your partner openly about your feelings and fears. Let them know that you sometimes struggle with paranoia and distrust, but emphasize that it's not because of anything they've done. Having an open and honest conversation can help alleviate some of the anxiety you're feeling. Your partner will likely understand and be willing to reassure you.

Try to find healthy ways to distract yourself when those feelings arise. Engage in activities that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Hang out with friends, pursue hobbies, or take up a new interest. Keeping yourself occupied and focusing on your own personal growth can help reduce the time and energy you spend dwelling on negative thoughts.

Another helpful strategy is to challenge your thoughts and question the evidence behind your fears. Ask yourself if there's any real reason to doubt your partner's faithfulness. Remind yourself that just because your mind is conjuring up worst-case scenarios, it doesn't mean they're true. Our minds can be pretty powerful when it comes to creating stories, but that doesn't mean those stories are based in reality.

Consider seeking support from friends, family, or even a therapist. It can be really helpful to talk to someone who can provide an outside perspective and offer guidance. They can help you work through your fears and provide you with coping mechanisms that are tailored to your specific situation.

Lastly, don't forget to take care of yourself. Self-care is crucial in maintaining a healthy mindset. Make sure you're getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. When you prioritize your own well-being, you'll feel more secure and confident in your relationship.

Remember, overcoming feelings of paranoia and distrust takes time and effort. But with open communication, self-reflection, and a little bit of self-care, you can find a way to cope with these feelings and strengthen your relationship. Stay positive, believe in your partner, and most importantly, believe in yourself. You've got this!