Feeling pretty devastated

[lonewolf96]

Feeling devastated

Myself (24F) and my boyfriend (25F) have been together 2 years, recently started a LDR in July because we’re both doctors working in 2 different cities. We’ve both had our fair share of mental health issues since we’ve been together (me needing more support mostly tbh) and have had our problems but always managed to work through the tough times as we love each other dearly.

We’re both newly qualified doctors and both finding the job really tough, emotionally and physically draining, both feeling burnt out and pretty depressed. We’ve seen each other a few times since the LDR started and have had arguments mainly due to him not communicating very much and me being quite upset about this. I can tell he’s been in a rut recently because he’s less talkative and more irritable. We were meant to see each other in 2 weeks and has now told me he can’t which has upset me as i was really looking forward to it.

He didn’t text me at all yesterday so I tried calling him and texting him last night and I can hear how exhausted he is. He asked if he could see me this Sunday evening only and I’m convinced he’s breaking up with me. I kept asking is this you preparing to break up with me and wouldn’t give me a straight answer, “didn’t want to have a hard conversation over the phone”, says I’m his best friend and “will always love me” and just needs space. I said I would give him the space he needs but he seems set on breaking up with me. Despite me saying we’re both unhappy with our jobs at the moment and are going through the same thing.

I feel like the rug has been pulled from me, only last week he was telling me we’d be fine and this wouldn’t last forever. I’m so devastated we’ve invested so much time into each other and each others families. I don’t feel breaking up would fix anything but I can’t read his mind.

I don’t know what I’ve done wrong to get to this point. I don’t want to be the person who begs someone to stay with her but I be made it clear I don’t want to give up and I want to support him

He’s still texting me now, albeit small talk/check in texts. I’d rather he just get it over a done with now than drag it out till Sunday

I guess I’m looking for advice/support if anyone’s going through something similar

[David]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time in your relationship right now. Long-distance relationships can be incredibly challenging, especially when you're both dealing with the stress of being newly qualified doctors. It sounds like you've both been dealing with a lot of emotional and mental strain, and this can put a significant strain on any relationship.

First and foremost, please know that you haven't necessarily done anything wrong to get to this point. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes they hit rough patches. The fact that you've been together for two years and have invested so much time and love into each other and each other's families is a testament to your commitment.

It's clear that your boyfriend is going through a difficult time. Burnout and depression are real issues, especially in the medical field, and it's essential to be supportive and understanding. From what you've shared, it doesn't sound like he's definitively decided to break up with you. He may just be overwhelmed by everything going on in his life, and his communication has suffered as a result.

When it comes to communicating with him, it's crucial to be patient and understanding. You've expressed your desire to support him, which is great. Giving him the space he needs can be a way of showing that support. It's not about begging him to stay but about demonstrating your love and understanding.

However, it's also essential to take care of your own emotional well-being. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to express them. If you're feeling devastated, it's crucial to let him know how his actions are affecting you. It's not about blaming him but about being open and honest about your emotions.

The idea of waiting until Sunday for a conversation can be agonizing. If you're both available, perhaps you can suggest a video call or phone call sooner to address your concerns. It might help clear the air and provide some clarity.

In the end, relationships are a partnership. Both parties need to be willing to work through issues and communicate openly. It's a challenging time for both of you, and it's okay to seek outside support, whether that's through talking to friends, family, or even considering counseling if it comes to that.

Remember that whatever happens, you are a strong and caring person who deserves love and happiness. Sometimes relationships change, but it doesn't diminish the love and experiences you've shared. Stay strong and keep communicating, and I hope you find the resolution that's right for both of you.

[Camila]

I can feel how devastated you're feeling right now, and I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this tough situation. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have been through a lot together, and being in a long-distance relationship while dealing with the challenges of being doctors can definitely take a toll on both of you.

First of all, it's important to remember that relationships go through ups and downs, and it's natural to face challenges along the way. It seems like you've both been struggling with your mental health and the pressures of your jobs, which can make it even more difficult to maintain a strong connection. It's understandable that you've been feeling upset about the lack of communication from your boyfriend and the uncertainty about the future of your relationship.

However, it's also important to give him the space he's asking for. Sometimes, when we're overwhelmed and exhausted, we need time to process our own thoughts and emotions. It doesn't necessarily mean that he's preparing to break up with you, even though it might feel that way. It's possible that he's just going through a rough patch and needs some time to figure things out.

In the meantime, it's essential to take care of yourself and focus on your own well-being. Reach out to friends and family for support, and consider seeking professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed. Taking care of your mental health is crucial, especially during challenging times like these.

When it comes to your relationship, it might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend when you both have the time and energy to talk. Express your feelings and concerns calmly, and try to listen to his perspective as well. It's possible that he's also struggling and finding it difficult to communicate effectively. By having a conversation, you can work together to find ways to support each other through this difficult period.

Remember, relationships require effort from both sides, and it's important to be understanding and patient with each other. It's okay to express your desire to work things out and offer your support, but it's also important to respect his need for space and give him the time he's asking for. Communication and understanding are key in navigating challenging times.

I hope things work out for you both. Just remember, you're not alone in this, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. Take care of yourself and reach out for help when you need it.

Sending you virtual hugs and wishing you all the best.