Just met a perfect guy and he's moving away

[fml1414]

29 y.o. female here. My background: 2 back to back 4 year relationships, married once, broke up with boyfriend 2.5 months ago (no feelings towards him, but to be transparent...). Recently started dating (apps), went on 15+ dates, had fun on vast majority of them. To paint a full picture, I'm a somewhat "good catch"/popular with guys (beautiful, intelligent, educated, make money) - not to sound full of myself. I am a rational and not very emotional person (i.e. not a risk taker, stable, etc.). I am very picky as far as guys go (unfortunately).

I have met a guy, 29 y.o., only 3 dates so far. I have never felt so "in love" so quickly. I like the way this guy looks (extremely handsome and doesn't know it), smells, his voice, his personality (melancholic yet brightens up as soon as I look at him); he is mildly shy, but kinky and dominant in bed. He just found out that he is moving across country next month for his job (I have every reason to believe that he didn't know till now). I am definitely falling in love (had that feeling before I knew he was moving). He is not very popular with women (most likely because he doesn't think he can be).

I am in grad school and cannot move anywhere within the next year. Plus, that would look desperate and insane on my part even if I could move.

In the beginning, he was very excited, basically jokingly told me to stop going on other dates, etc.. After finding out about moving, he told me (again, half-jokingly, but with sadness) to keep going on other dates.

1. Should I stop seeing him now? I know it's going to hurt more later, but I cannot imagine not taking advantage to see him at least a few more times
2. Should I confess my love? (yeah, I know it's completely insane and the answer is no, so just don't answer)
3. Has anyone done anything crazy for love/lust/obsession/whatever this is? Do you regret it?
4. Has anyone made a long distance relationship work? (I know I haven't before, but is there any hope?)
5. Should I tell him I want to stay in touch after he moves? How would I bring this up? I kind of want to visit him in a few months.... if possible

Rationally speaking, I think I am a great match for him and I truly believe if we got to know each other more, we would end up dating long term.

Sorry for long post
Help!

[Scot]

Hi,

I know exactly how it feels to love someone only to watch them slip away from you.

I think you should start accepting the fact that you are going to let this relationship go.

However, if he truly loves you, he should be the one to make the relationship work even in long distance. Don't be the one making effort to make thing work, allow him do that because you might get even more hurt in the future when you do this.

Good Luck!

[Richard]

4. Has anyone made a long distance relationship work? (I know I haven't before, but is there any hope?)

I won't advice anyone to go into a long distance relationship, even my worst enemy.

Just like what Scot said, let him be the one to initiate the long distance relationship and not you.

[Tina]

"Distance means so little when someone means so much."

That quote should resonate within the mind and hearts of anyone currently involved in a long-distance relationship. Even if you are thinking about getting involved in one, that quote will save you a lot of time, which would have been wasted with doubts and uncertainties.

REPLACING THE MISCONCEPTION

This quote needs to replace the common mentality that "long distance relationships do not work" or even "long distance relationships are doomed from the start."

With that type of misconception, it is no wonder why so many people seem to avoid this particular type of relationship all together. The problem is that the high number of failed long distance relationships seems to eclipse the growing number of long distance bonds that succeed.

The key to making sure that your long distance relationship succeeds is simple: hard work.

It takes hard work and consistent effort to keep the flame of a long-distance relationship burning brightly.

Yes, it is imperative to make regular visits in order to see each other whenever possible without making the other person feel smothered. However, that does not mean that you are off-the-clock when it comes to working on your relationship in between those face-to-face visits.

EVERYBODY NEEDS REASSURANCE

Your significant other is searching for the same thing that you are - reassurance. Reassurance that you still feel strongly about them. Reassurance that you are just as involved in making the relationship work as they are right now. Reassurance that you are going to do everything you can to make it work - regardless of the odds that claim it's improbable.

Therefore, you need to put in the time, effort and hard work necessary to provide that reassurance on all levels. Why? Three reasons.

1) Law of Reciprocity: If you do it, chances are that he/she will reciprocate your efforts to provide you with the same level of reassurance.

2) Value, Value, Value: Who doesn't want to feel valued and appreciated? Putting in the time and effort to make your relationship work - despite the physical distance that separates you two - will add value to your bond and make your significant other feel valued at the same time. At the end of the day, isn't that what you want?

3) True Love is Cultivated over Time: A long distance relationship shares a major similarity with a short-distance relationship: true love needs time to develop. An unknown person once said that "true love doesn't mean being inseparable; it means being separated and nothing changes." This essentially goes back to reassurance - making sure that you and your significant other remain on the same page.

THE BOTTOM LINE

There is nothing wrong with having a long-distance relationship. Although a high number of these bonds crash and burn, there are still quite a few that are still flying high in the clouds of love. The difference between crashing and flying is amount of hard work that you put into keeping your relationship off of the ground.