Was the whole relationship a LIE

[Kate]

I’ve just been sorting through a load of computer stuff I copied from my ex. I have just come across a file there is no way he knew was on that disc – it’s a Speed Seduction Course. I feel really weird about this. Firstly I should be flattered he wanted to seduce me in the first place but secondly I feel affronted that he couldn’t be natural and had to use ‘a system’ to get there. I have no idea whether the had this before we met or whether it was something he wanted to try and it’s totally blown me away. Was the relationship fake from the start? Should I be angry? Just another hurdle at the end of the relationship I suppose.

[Michael]

Hey Kate...

Thanks for your question and thanks for the excuse to RANT . . .

Actually, before I rant I want to tell you a story.

Let’s make the story about Tiger Woods . . .

It’s not about Tiger’s eventual “fall” where he was texting women and failing to keep it in his pants.

Instead this is about Tiger playing golf.

See, despite what you might think, Tiger wasn’t born with a putter in his hand (man, it would have been bad for his mother if he was.)

Nope, Tiger was just a normal little kid . . .

And when normal little kid Tiger first got out on the golf course with his dad something crazy bubbled up in his stomach.

DESIRE.

Desire to be GOOD at something.

Desire to know EXACTLY how to get that little white ball in that little hole (oh so far away) as quickly and easily as possible.

And so over the next couple DECADES Tiger did everything he could to get REALLY good at getting that little ball in that little hole.

He practiced for HOURS every single day.

He hired expensive coaches.

He bought crazy hi-tech clubs.

He did everything he humanly could to give himself every advantage out on the golf course.

And then in 1997 at the age of 22 he won his first major, The Masters and became a world-wide phenomena and developed a (some would say unhealthy) obsession with well-endowed Nordic women.

Would you say that Tiger’s success at golf is fake?

I mean, he bought clubs!

He read books!

He practiced!

He hired coaches who TOLD HIM WHAT TO DO!

Does that mean he didn’t deserve to win all those titles?

Would it have been better if he didn’t do ANY of that (because you should just naturally be good at golf), strode out onto the course one day and hacked the ball into a camera because he’d never practiced his swing?

One of the biggest things that PISSES ME OFF is what I call “The Assumption.”

“The Assumption” is this thing a lot of folks (both men and women) do where they think that dating and being in a relationship is something that should “just come naturally” and should “just be easy.”

One of my best friends suffers from “The Assumption.”

He’s a great guy. Smart. Nice. Loyal. He’s got “amazing boyfriend material” written all over his forehead.

But he almost never dates.

Because he thinks “it should just happen naturally” and never put the effort in to LEARN how to talk to women.

I know a couple who suffers from “The Assumption” too . . .

They’ve been married for two years.

They put on smiles when out in public.

But they’re miserable.

See, they ASSUMED that marriage was going to be easy . . . that they were going to walk down the aisle and live happily ever after.

And they both go into panic attacks whenever they have a disagreement . . . “Does this mean we’re doomed?

Does this mean we don’t have TRUE LOVE???”

So here’s the deal:

*Dating and Being in a relationship is a SKILL . . .*

And it’s a skill you have to WORK at . . . you have to practice . . . you have to get advice from folks who are better than you . . .

Over the weekend I was playing drums for a friend’s birthday.

I’ve been playing for about 3 years now . . .

Somebody said “Wow, you’re really talented.”

And I said “I’m a little talented, but I practice a lot and I’ve had some great teachers and I’ve learned from some great books.”

The fact is, Flippa, most women have no idea how PETRIFYING you actually are to men...

And it’s not like we teach “how to talk to girls” in high school . . .

Most of the GREAT guys you’d love to date feel astonishing fear when they walk up to talk to you and get your number.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of ridicule.

Fear of getting punched by some barbarian boyfriend.

So looking at your situation now . . .

Yeah, you can be angry. You can think he “cheated” by learning how to “seduce” you...

Or you could realize that if he hadn’t spent the time investing in himself and practicing this stuff you probably never would have had a relationship of any kind at all . . .

Because he never would have talked to you . . .

You never would have fallen for him.

You never would have felt that amazing and real connection at all.

[Kate]

Thank you for your advice Michael.