No Affection

[Christy]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months, but we have known each other for 2 years. He has never been really affectionate or open to discuss how he feels. You would think that would change a little in a relationship. I tell him how I feel and I try to show some affection towards him, but it's hard when he doesn't do it back. I've tried talking to him about how he can tell me whatever, and he can talk to me about anything. I don't know if it's a trust issue, or if that's just how he is. What should I do? We both are each other's first bf/gf, so i'm not even sure if this is normal. Sometimes I also feel like we are in the friend-zone still, and it's kinda weird. Does he need more time or am I doing something wrong? Any advice?

[Dennis]

If you shower attention on your man, he has to equally shower attention towards you. If that isn't the case, there is a decline in the quality of the relationship. If your boyfriend has stopped paying attention towards you, it's a sign that he's losing his attraction and interest in you.

But don't get scared about it. There's a chance that he might leave and choose someone else. But it won't happen if you are willing to act proactively. If you are ready to do what it takes to create the attraction that's been lost, you'll have him. In fact, you can attract him towards you much faster than you think because you already have captured him.

Here are sure fire ways to make your boyfriend attracted to you and have him be more affectionate towards you...

Stop condemning...

This is a downfall of all relationships. When a man notices that his women is condemning and criticizing him for what he does, he starts to lose the attraction he has towards her. If you've ever done it in the past and are doing it right now, STOP. This is the worst enemy. It doesn't matter what mistakes he makes. You don't have to condemn or criticize him. Just saying, "I understand" is enough.

Nobody likes to be condemned or criticized. It's not in human nature to be disliked. As a man, I've chosen to END relationships with some women COMPLETELY because they condemned/criticized me. Men don't like it. So I encourage you to stop it right away. Instead positively encourage him.

Empathize with him...

The next thing you have to do is to make him feel that you truly understand him. In this 21st century, almost all humans walk around without being understood. Almost 99% of the world doesn't have a person that truly understands them. Guess what? It's the same case with your man. And it's the same case with you. But if you want to be understood, you must first seek to understand.

After studying plenty of women who are successful with men, I've come to realize one common denominator among all these women. These women have the ability to empathize with their man. They see things from his view point as well as their view point. Since they get the two perspectives, they are easily able to do the things that increase the man's attraction towards them.

You must be the change you want to see. If you want your man to pay more attention and love towards you, start by empathizing with him. Spend 15 minutes a day and try to get into his head when you're alone. Do not judge him. Look at the situation from a third party perspective and then look at it from his perspective. When you begin to do that, you'll truly to begin to realize how much POWER you can really have over your man.

[Shirley]

If you are feeling lonely in your relationship, I know how hard it is to not get the affection you crave from him. When I feel "undernourished" in my relationship, I feel like I'm out to sea without a lifesaver in sight. I feel angry, hollow and so tired because all my body wants to do is sleep to make the hurt go away. Yes, I admit that I do need a lot of emotionally attention and tender affection from my man, and if you are like me, it doesn't make you a bad person or a needy woman. It just makes you the beautiful human who you are!

Unfortunately, a lot of men don't understand our needs. They don't deeply desire the same degree of intimacy we do and they feel smothered and attacked when we continuously tell them what we aren't getting from them. Some women don't feel comfortable even asking for what they need so they just look at their men all the time with the "needy smile", which is equally irritating to a man.

Men want to provide. They want to be needed and succeed at their giving. When we have a problem with what they are giving us and how much they are dishing out, they get upset. It makes them feel less like men and more like incompetents. That's when they really start to get annoyed, because nobody wants to feel like an incompetent. Men would really label us as needy, clingy, dramatic, emotionally-high-strung, than feel like they are losers.

The best way to get the affection you crave from him is to:

1. Be EXTREMELY appreciative of all the good things he does give you

and

2. Ask for what you need in a way that he can hear!

So, firstly, how can you be more appreciative? It may sound like an irksome question, considering you may currently feel like you'd rather yank the ice pick out his heart than show him more attention. However, if you want that affection, you have to think and act smart-- you have to "give-to-get."

People always say that men are like dogs-- eager to please and simple to train. This is not really true. Men are sometimes like dogs, but when they aren't, they are like cats and you have to play their game to get anything from them. If your man is currently not eager to please you and give you what you need in the affection department, you have to give him a reason to give you what you need (again, dealing with the cat personality).

Cats are very into seduction games. They love a good feather tickling their nose or a piece of soft yarn dangling right above their head like a "wink and a smile" summoning them to play. They are VERY appreciative of an owner who takes the time to play these seduction games with them, and men are the same. If you want more affection, seduce him with your words, "Oh, hunny, I just want you to know that you are the best lover I have ever had" or "The way you pump gas is so sexy, I feel like I'm at the full-station being serviced by Russell Crowe in a Texaco jumpsuit."

Yes, men are that susceptible to a compliment... ANY compliment! He could look more like Mr. Bean than Russell Crowe on a good day and he'll STILL believe it! And the more compliments you give, the more your man will start to believe all of them. Suddenly, he will be looking to you to offer him the best reflection of himself he's gotten from anyone! That's when you pounce... Oh yes, you too can be a kitten in this cat seduction!

When you have shown appreciation (more than you are now, even if you already feel you do show him appreciation, you need to give MORE to get MORE), then I want you to ask for what you need from him... without asking for what you need. You curl up next to him (the soft yarn) and touch him lovingly (the tickling feather) and you say something like:

"I feel lonely and my heart is dusty. It needs some affection and attention"

"I feel like I need some affection right now because I just love you soooo much."

"I want to be loved on by the only man I adore and who has the power to make me truly blissful!"

You get the idea. No blaming, bitching, whining, screaming, huffing. No silent treatment, no pouting, no arms crossed and head down while you say "I don't know what I need." We have all done those things and they don't work. Yes, it's really hard to feel like a STARVING wife or girlfriend and ask for what you expect will be a CHICKPEA from him at best. But change happens slowly. The more he can trust that he can be vulnerable with you (it feels REALLY vulnerable to most men to show affection and be intimate) and not get yelled at or punished for not doing it "right" or "enough", the more he will eventually risk and give of himself.

You can't YANK, PULL, TUG love and affection from him. I know it's tempting because a starving heart is DESPERATE, but think of it as God's lesson to you about patience and trust. Even if you aren't religious or spiritual, you can still think of it as a lesson in relating with loved ones. If you are really feeling HUNGRY and UPSET, write a comment here and spew-away. That's what my coment section is here for!

[Peggy]

Surely, every woman in the world would love to get her man obsessed with her. For wouldn't it be nice to be showered with love and affection, as well as be ascertained that your man isn't fooling around with other women? There are some things you can do in order to get your boyfriend to be obsessed with you and only you. Here are the most basic tips on how you could make him crazy about you:

Be everything that other girls aren't.

In short, make sure to show your true self, and this would make you unique. Show him that you are one of a kind by not patterning yourself on girls that you see on TV or the movies. If you want to laugh out loud even if they say girls should be prim and proper, just do so. Your confidence would surely mesmerize your boyfriend or husband.

Utilize the things that you have in common to your advantage.

Any man would feel the connection when he finds out that you two like the same things. He would be obsessing about being with you, knowing you two have so many things you can do together. Having similar interests would mean he can have more fun with you as you like the same things.

Have an awesome sense of humor.

Do not forget to have fun when you are talking with your man. If you are witty, do not be afraid to crack some punch lines every now and then. This guy is worth keeping if he knows how to laugh at your jokes as well.

Show him that killer look.

You can get any guy obsessed with you when you look your most beautiful all the time. Your boyfriend would surely be happy when you always look your best for him. Unfortunately, there are some women who forget about their appearance once they get a boyfriend. Don't ever forget that you need to keep your man physically attracted to you at all times.

Give him the ultimate satisfaction in bed.

Any guy would be crazy about you if you give him the best and most unforgettable experience in bed. When you give your boyfriend the ultimate satisfaction, it would be impossible for him to not want to be with you.

Make it seem as if you are desired by tons of other guys.

Make sure your man feels a little bit of jealousy every now and then. Let him know that there are a lot of other guys who are interested and are flirting with you. This would make him crazy knowing that anytime, there might be someone who can take you away.

Be a kind person.

There is nothing more attractive for guys than a girl with a kind and compassionate heart. Your man would surely love to be always around you when you are beautiful not just on the outside but on the inside as well.