Hi there. I thank you in advance for reading my post.
About a month ago I was dumped by my bf of two months. It was a very short lived relationship, but kind of intense. I'll elaborate.
We met through a mutual friend and instantly clicked, went out a few times, had a blast and decided to make it official. From the very start I noticed he was bad about making promises and sticking to them. He was kind of flakey and unreliable, I called him out on it a few times, he said he understood. He also warned me he'd be super busy in the next few months if I wanted to put our relationship on hold. I didn't want to and said we should try. So we did. He is a very busy guy, my friend works with him so I know this. From the second we agreed to start dating, he went all out (in a way). His texts were romantic and poetic, he wanted to make it social network official immediately, he told me he loved me (in another language), we started talking kids and marriage within weeks. All this time I barely saw him, one time he almost didn't show up, one time he just ignored my message even though he had told me we would meet up. Every time I would try to convey I was hurt about this, he would call me insecure and dramatic and how we must trust each other. This is the time I tell you I am a very anxious person and the last thing I need to hear is I am being dramatic. I didn't tell him this though.
In the second month of our relationship he comes clean - he has depression, and some other things too. I get a short introduction to what might hinder our communication, but he tells me to continue discussing this with his best friend (a man whom at this stage I hadn't even met). I also wonder, if you knew there was a condition that would hinder you from seeing me and make you do all these illogical things, why would you shift the blame onto me calling my reaction unreasonable when I think it was perfectly legitimate. I didn't like that. I told him I would listen to him and be there for him, he told me he would have bad days when he doesn't really want to talk to anyone - fair enough. But he never called me, I barely saw him and our text convos were constantly cut short by him (he would say good morning my love, then I would try to start a conversation and he would either be busy or sick or he would just stop replying). And this happened on both good and bad days. I had nothing to hold onto but a bunch of his promises and he had disappointed me so many times in the past that I simply didn't trust him anymore. Also, he would still modify or cancel some of our meetings (specifically those that were on my terms, when I wanted him to come over to my place) and had some really hard to believe excuses for them (I am not saying he lied, but I can't say that he didn't either). He did take me to his office party and was super sweet (again, this was on his terms, it wasn't a date I had planned). Also, the two times I did manage to talk him into coming over to my place - it was so beautiful. We cuddled, kissed, ate, watched TV, he was calm and happy.
We were supposed to get together for New Year's and I knew he would cancel, I just knew. And he did, through a text, a couple of days earlier, being sort of vague but apologised. I lost it(via a text), my anxiety took over, I accused him of lying, called him a coward and an idiot and how this time I wanted him to feel like sh**. (as he had accused me in the past of being the only one to make him feel guilty). We had a long phone talk after that where he accused me of verbal abuse and said he couldn't get over how I lashed out on him. He also told me I had false advertised myself and told him I was a very confident girl (never happened) and how he doesn't need to play any roles as he is comfortable in his own skin (as opposed to me I suppose). This coming from a man who asked me what I saw in him.
I feel so guilty for losing it on a person with depression, I know I should have handled it differently, perhaps ended it in a very calm way. But I wanted to love him and take care of him. And now I feel like the worst person ever. Any advice on how to handle the guilt? Thank you.
About a month ago I was dumped by my bf of two months. It was a very short lived relationship, but kind of intense. I'll elaborate.
We met through a mutual friend and instantly clicked, went out a few times, had a blast and decided to make it official. From the very start I noticed he was bad about making promises and sticking to them. He was kind of flakey and unreliable, I called him out on it a few times, he said he understood. He also warned me he'd be super busy in the next few months if I wanted to put our relationship on hold. I didn't want to and said we should try. So we did. He is a very busy guy, my friend works with him so I know this. From the second we agreed to start dating, he went all out (in a way). His texts were romantic and poetic, he wanted to make it social network official immediately, he told me he loved me (in another language), we started talking kids and marriage within weeks. All this time I barely saw him, one time he almost didn't show up, one time he just ignored my message even though he had told me we would meet up. Every time I would try to convey I was hurt about this, he would call me insecure and dramatic and how we must trust each other. This is the time I tell you I am a very anxious person and the last thing I need to hear is I am being dramatic. I didn't tell him this though.
In the second month of our relationship he comes clean - he has depression, and some other things too. I get a short introduction to what might hinder our communication, but he tells me to continue discussing this with his best friend (a man whom at this stage I hadn't even met). I also wonder, if you knew there was a condition that would hinder you from seeing me and make you do all these illogical things, why would you shift the blame onto me calling my reaction unreasonable when I think it was perfectly legitimate. I didn't like that. I told him I would listen to him and be there for him, he told me he would have bad days when he doesn't really want to talk to anyone - fair enough. But he never called me, I barely saw him and our text convos were constantly cut short by him (he would say good morning my love, then I would try to start a conversation and he would either be busy or sick or he would just stop replying). And this happened on both good and bad days. I had nothing to hold onto but a bunch of his promises and he had disappointed me so many times in the past that I simply didn't trust him anymore. Also, he would still modify or cancel some of our meetings (specifically those that were on my terms, when I wanted him to come over to my place) and had some really hard to believe excuses for them (I am not saying he lied, but I can't say that he didn't either). He did take me to his office party and was super sweet (again, this was on his terms, it wasn't a date I had planned). Also, the two times I did manage to talk him into coming over to my place - it was so beautiful. We cuddled, kissed, ate, watched TV, he was calm and happy.
We were supposed to get together for New Year's and I knew he would cancel, I just knew. And he did, through a text, a couple of days earlier, being sort of vague but apologised. I lost it(via a text), my anxiety took over, I accused him of lying, called him a coward and an idiot and how this time I wanted him to feel like sh**. (as he had accused me in the past of being the only one to make him feel guilty). We had a long phone talk after that where he accused me of verbal abuse and said he couldn't get over how I lashed out on him. He also told me I had false advertised myself and told him I was a very confident girl (never happened) and how he doesn't need to play any roles as he is comfortable in his own skin (as opposed to me I suppose). This coming from a man who asked me what I saw in him.
I feel so guilty for losing it on a person with depression, I know I should have handled it differently, perhaps ended it in a very calm way. But I wanted to love him and take care of him. And now I feel like the worst person ever. Any advice on how to handle the guilt? Thank you.
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