Relationship halted....

[Tarik118]

Where to begin... this is an arranged marraige and well, to summarize, me and my wife have been married for over 1.5 years, but has recently just gotten her visa and is now living together and it is has now been 4 months. I fell in love with her since the beginning and even to this day, she can't say " I love you" back to me, i have been open and not rushed anything. She won't even hold hands or do anything of that sort, not in public or in private. She says she is a very private person and it will take time for her to open up, which her friends have also verified this and state she can be very stubborn at times. I really don't know what to do, I mean I just never expected to be with someone who doesn't reciprocate my feelings towards her, i've brang it up to her and she said its only been a few months since living together so it'll take time. I've gotten to teh point where I hate seeing other "normal" couples out in public and I keep wishing we would be like them, though she says to not compare her ot others since each person is different. It's just so frustrating at times. She wonders why I wont be in touch with her parents as much as she is with mine, and my thinking is because, well if she doesn't want put in effort into working with me then why should i even bother building a relationship wiht the inlaws.... I know thats messed up but yea....

[Sandra]

For a relationship to be successful, it is crucial that some kind of understanding is reached. A shy girl may not be so forthcoming, so you never know where you stand with her.

The first and most obvious step is that you must get her to open up. First find out the type of shyness she is afflicted with. She may be shy in public and be perfectly comfortable in small gatherings. She may be able to deal with you at an impersonal level, but withdraws whenever you try to get close to her. She may withdraw or react negatively when you touch her. Once you have determined the kind of shy girl you are dating, you can take the next step.

The very first step to dating a shy girl is that you need to win her trust. You can be sure that she likes you and is interested in you. That is why she is going out with you. But you have not yet earned her trust. Get to know her as a person. Be friendly but in a impersonal way. She may have been scared away by a bad experience in the past or she may be having confidence issues. You need to win her trust very slowly.

Find out what interests her. She will be comfortable talking about it. If she is fond of pets, share her interest. Show interest in her hobby. Shy people open up faster while discussing their hobbies.

Many people are intimidated when it comes to being in a new social situation. Your shy girl may be one of them. Show sincere interest in her conversation. You will be able to win her trust and step into the next level in the relationship.

Follow her lead. When the timing is right, you can ask her out to dinner or for some other activity. Do not call it a date, since that may scare her off or create some other pressure. Simply ask her out. Be extremely casual about it.

You can casually guide her by holding her elbow or place a hand on her shoulder. If she is easy with it, you can graduate to resting your arm on her shoulder or some other such intimacy. But do not rush it. A single hasty move may scare her off.

With love and care you can coax her out of her shyness.

[upset jay]

Hi I would like some advice if possible. I have been with my ex girlfriend for years as of this Friday. But in November 2016, she called it a day on horse after a couple of silly arguments that we have heart. In the last 3 weeks, she informed me, she had got a new boyfriend. I want to know if you think that is one of a rebound.

[Tarik118]

Thanks for the reply and advice Sandra. The only problem is, she is not my girlfriend, nor are we dating, I am married to her and thus she is my wife. So that kind of changes the advice in a way.
I instigate conversations, pay attention to her hobbies and interests, purchase her gifts etc. and don't discourage her at all from her dreams and or hobbies, I also help out around the house and always ask if there is anything she needs help with whenvever I have some spare time and see her doing some tasks. What I'm wondering in a way is, will it be weeks?... months?... Years?... before she gets open enough for us to be at a stage in our relationship that i see in other couples who have barely been together for 2 weeks.....

[Scot]

Thanks for the reply and advice Sandra. The only problem is, she is not my girlfriend, nor are we dating, I am married to her and thus she is my wife. So that kind of changes the advice in a way.
I instigate conversations, pay attention to her hobbies and interests, purchase her gifts etc. and don't discourage her at all from her dreams and or hobbies, I also help out around the house and always ask if there is anything she needs help with whenvever I have some spare time and see her doing some tasks. What I'm wondering in a way is, will it be weeks?... months?... Years?... before she gets open enough for us to be at a stage in our relationship that i see in other couples who have barely been together for 2 weeks.....

When you are learning how to handle an emotionally distant wife you need to approach her from a place of pure compassion. Things can get heated very quickly when you're trying to save your marriage and get your wife to open up about what she's feeling. Most men want to fix a problem immediately so they can put it to rest and move forward. That's not possible when you're dealing with something as delicate as your wife's feelings. You have to show her that you want to hear about what's bothering her and she has to feel it's safe to share those things. That's going to take some effort and patience on your part.

Spending more time with her is going to help the situation. In many marriages the couple pushes their spouse away in favor of tending to other things, like work or the children. Over time, that leads to resentment and distance. If it's not addressed, the marriage is bound to fall apart. That's why it's incredibly important that you fix that problem now. If you lead by example and show your wife that you're there for her more than you have been, that's going to help her to feel closer to you. You don't need to plan any elaborate or expensive dinners. There's no need to write her romantic poetry or slip love notes in her handbag. Just being a husband who is more present and engaged in the marriage will help her immensely.

Tell your wife you love her more. You may think that you're already telling her enough, but most women will confess that they don't hear it expressed from their husband enough. Hold your wife and reach for her hand when you two are sitting together talking or just watching television. If she feels that you want to reconnect with her, she'll be more open to doing the same. A little effort on your part can make all the difference in the world in your marriage.

[Drake]

Hi I would like some advice if possible. I have been with my ex girlfriend for years as of this Friday. But in November 2016, she called it a day on horse after a couple of silly arguments that we have heart. In the last 3 weeks, she informed me, she had got a new boyfriend. I want to know if you think that is one of a rebound.

Do you know that a rebound relationship can work in your favor. If you have broken up with your girlfriend and she is in dating someone else, you may be wondering how you can get her back now that she is in a rebound relationship..

I faced a similar predicament several years back, here is what I gathered from that experience. With the right attitude and actions, your girlfriend being in a relationship can actually play in your favor.

I was going through a difficult period in my relationship. I did not feel accomplished in it so I decided to take a break from the relationship. I had found someone else who to me was a better companion and I felt satisfied in my new relationship.

But the truth is that, the reason I so quickly got into the rebound relationship was because the pain of the beak up was unbearable. I did not know it would be so hard to get over my ex, so I figured that if I started dating again, I could minimize the emotions of breaking up, it would be easier to forget him and move on.

However, since my relationship with my ex had been founded on true love, it was not easy dealing with the pain of losing him. I could not help comparing my new boyfriend to my ex. Suddenly I started missing my ex so much and the issues that led to our break up didn't seem to matter any more. All that was going through my mind was the memories of the good times we had shared. I wondered how we had gotten to the point of breaking up when our relationship had been so great.

I felt bad that I was being unfair to the new guy. Yes he was a great guy. He was kind and funny and he cared about me, but something was not clicking. I wondered why in spite of the fact that my rebound relationship was so wonderful, I could not open my heart to him. I struggled to reciprocate the love but that was just the problem. With my ex, I did not need to struggle to love him, It just flowed.

My rebound man became worried about our relationship and complained that I seemed to be punishing him for losing my old boyfriend. I decided to take a hard look at myself to figure out what the problem was. That is when I discovered that I was actually still in love with my ex and missed him badly. In fact our relationship was far from over.

I went ahead and confessed to my rebound guy that I was still in love with my ex. I asked for forgiveness for leading him to believe that it could work between us. Thankfully he was gracious to me. He told me all he wanted was for me to be happy and I told him he deserved happiness too but he could not find it with me as my heart belonged to someone else.

Thus began the journey towards reconciliation with my ex. My ex had been studying my moves during this time and he could tell that my attention was still focused on him even when I was in the rebound relationship. He knew that I was dating some one different because I was missing something in our relationship, so he used the time I was in with the rebound man to improve himself and to find out what I was really looking for.

After being in the rebound relationship for only a month, I started to miss my ex badly because the rebound relationship was nothing like what I had with my ex. My rebound man was a good guy but we simply were not meant for each other.

When I was ready to make a move towards my ex, he was benevolent and welcomed me back graciously. He had apologized for his part in the break up and given me some time to mull over things.

Sure enough, the space he gave me helped me understand who I was and what I really wanted. I was able to realize on my own that he was the love of my life. I was able to choose him of my own free will, consequently, I valued the relationship more after we got back together and he was confident that the love I had for him was genuine.

Therefore if your ex starts dating someone after your break up, she's in a rebound relationship. You can make up with her and get back together. Don't despair. The rebound relationship might be a sign that she's still in love with you.