I Think My Therapist Is Interested In Me

[Bella]

I think my therapist is interested in me. A few weeks ago he put his wrist on my wrist. He stood very close to me once and Monday he put his hand on my hand. Do those gestures mean anything?

[Nicolas]

Let me answer your question with a question of my own.

Do you WANT your therapist to be interested in you?

Let us talk about confirmation bias.

Confirmation bias is a psychological concept that nests deep in the back of the human primal brain...

The basic idea behind confirmation bias is that human beings tend to favor information that confirms their beliefs... hypothesis or even desires.

And that we IGNORE information that denies those same beliefs... hypotheses or desires.

Confirmation bias is RAMPANT in our culture... especially in politics... and sneaky marketers use it all the time to sell you stuff.

The way it works is like this...

At some point a part of your brain decided that it is possible your therapist is "interested" in you.

And then the confirmation bias part of your brain went into crazy half drunk detective mode and started looking for any "proof" it could find at all that your therapist IS in fact interested in you.

Even worse... that same confirmation bias causes us to "transform" relatively innocuous stuff... a brush of a hand he may not have even noticed... into a GESTURE OF PROFOUND MEANING.

Confirmation bias works the other way as well... by the way... if you "suspect" that your man is cheating on you... your mind is going to go NUTS looking for "proof" that he is cheating even if he is not... and that is "dangerous" thinking.

So is your therapist "interested" in you?

Well... what do you mean by interested?

My gut is telling me that your therapist is a nice man who is interested in you as a client and as a human being... that he has got empathy... and that he is kind.

That he is maybe kinder to you and nicer to you than any other man in your life.

And that part of you craves a really nice man like him to sweep you into his arms and take care of you.

And I can confirm this from real life experience as a "Counselling Psychologist" myself... I have had more than once the delicate situation of a woman I am working falling in "love" with me!

And there is no romance here.

It is a mirage.

And if it was not a mirage it would be a dangerous dragon waiting to consume you both.

He would very quickly lose his license and destroy his career by having any kind of "personal" relationship with his client... it is an ABSOLUTE NO NO as a Therapist to be romantically and sexually involved with a client!

And you would lose the chance to finish the work you are doing with him on yourself by pursuing something with your therapist.

So here is the hard bit of advice I have to give you... ask him about it.

Tell him that you have been reading these signals from him over the last few weeks... describe what you have been feeling... if he is a good therapist... and I sincerely like to think he is.. this will not be the first time this sort of thing has happened and he will know exactly how to handle things.

[Bella]

Nicolas, thank you for you answer.