What is Considered Cheating?

[Evelyn]

Most people thought that seeing the movie 'Magic Mike' would be considered cheating if you are in a relationship. I totally disagree and was curious what other people consider cheating. Perhaps you could let me know what you think? Thought it would be interesting.

[Bradwin]

Lady... you made me watch a movie about male strippers.

OK... I actually WANTED to go see this particular movie about male strippers because I have always been a fan of Stephen Soderbergh's work... and thought Channing Tatum was hilarious in "21 Jump Street."

And I SWEAR I only packed myself into that theatre on a Sunday with 200 middle-aged women and 15 gay men for SCIENCE and to give you the absolute truth about whether this movie is "cheating... or not."

Just kidding... I sat at home and watched "Magic Mike" on my p.c.. and... my answer is... nope.

Not cheating... not cheating at all... not even in the same basic universe as cheating... I do not even think this movie knows cheating's post code code... it is a pretty good flick and all... and DAMN... that Channing Tatum man can dance... I am jealous... I can wiggle when I need to... yet I do not have moves like that.

And considering going to see a movie where some guys with great abs do a lot of pelvic thrusting... "cheating" on your boyfriend or husband is... and I am trying to be nice here... wrong headed... idiotic... lame... and UNHEALTHY FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

LOOKING is not cheating.

LUSTING is not even cheating.

FANTASIZING is not cheating.

Why?

Because if looking was cheating then every single one of us... who was not struck blind is some horrible childhood accident... would be total cheaters.

And we are not... we are human beings... and as human beings there is absolutely nothing weird or even "morally wrong" about looking at other people and imagining all sorts of lovely... naughty... dirty things.

You could not stop yourself if you wanted to... cheating is about ACTION... not thought.

Smart men are actually REALLY HAPPY when movies like "Magic Mike" come out... why?

Because our women go off with their girlfriends to see this kind of movie... they lust uncontrollably at the pieces of hairless man-flesh writhing on stage... they titter... and giggle... and feel a lovely warmth deep in their stomachs... and then they come home and bang our brains out.

It is really not so bad.

Men and women... who think looking is cheating... and I am including men and women who think looking at porn IN MODERATION is a problem... anything in excess is a different story... including those romance novels you women love so much!

Anyway... people who are that uptight... and insecure are just locking themselves in for a lifetime of misery and lies... so what IS cheating?

Hmm...

It depends on you... your partner... your deal breakers... what phase your relationship is in, etc.

I know people in open relationships for whom having sex with somebody else is not cheating... and honestly... it does not really matter what I consider to be cheating... it matters what you... and your partner think is cheating... and both freely agree to.

You cannot FORCE a man to live to some standard he finds ridiculous... no looking at porn... no looking at other women... no thinking about anyone... just you... no eating chocolate... chocolate gives you pleasure... and that is cheating... no watching Black Adder reruns... no talking to ANYONE you have EVER had ANY kind of sexual thought about... and if you TRY to do that sort of thing it is like attaching a time bomb to his heart as he gets worn down... and down... and down until he explodes.

So the short answer is... cheating is what both partners freely... and without duress or prompting consider cheating.

Thats my thoughts on the matter.

[Evelyn]

Bradwin, thank you so much for your answer.